got praised for my drawing ^^

 Evening

Last night I suggested to Jack that we sit outside on the picnic blanket with Oz instead of watching anime, and he was happy to that. That half hour was lovely. We drank hot chocolate and watched our extremely happy bunny. I can't express how happy Oz was that we had come into his play garden, he was running around, coming up to sniff and lick us, hopping about 2 foot into the air and sometimes doing a 180 whilst doing so. Just a very happy bunny. We really enjoyed our evening. Then at 9:30pm we put Oz to bed and we went to bed too~

I slept! I actually slept well and I also didnt get squwished!!!

I felt ok again this morning! My anxiety has been almost none existent this week, so its all good ^^ I had a bit of tummy ache this morning so I was on the toilet for a while. 

School was ok. I got my prepping done fast again

so it was a day of drawing~

my example front cover had been seen by head of science and he LOVED it. But before he could give the go ahead he had to take it further up the chain to see if we were allowed to have it for science if it fitted in with the school 'branding' like we're some corporate company. Weird.

But anyway the lady who saw it was amazed by it and said "I want to encourage other departments to do this sort of this and personalise them" ^^ so its got the go ahead and we in science are gonna have the best looking books~ Head of science came by to tell me I had done an excellent job ^^

I made a start on biology which are gonna be the best and cutest for no other reason than it will have a rabbit on it X3

I came home for lunch and ate with mum then she left me but I didnt go to bed til 3pm. I tried to not go to sleep but my meds kicked in and made feel awful - which is why I usually go to sleep! So I did go to bed for an hour. 

I got up and rang hairdressers for appointment, rang doctors for sick note, finished Jack's birthday card. So I got things achieved with my afternoon.

Jack came home and we had a cup of tea and I had fruit loaf~ love that fruit loaf ^^

as we hadn't got to cook, as I put a new curry recipe in the slow cooker that morning, I suggested we did a walk. We did a good walk but both were sweating! So we came home and showered then had dinner in our pyjamas which was really nice actually, can't remember the last time I ate dinner in my pyjamas. The dinner its self was my limit of spice but Jack said it was right amount for him XD it was nice but I felt it was probably bad for you. Which is probably why he enjoyed it so much

Then I have come on my laptop to do some drawing, Jack washed up then went to do some gaming. Its Jo night which usually means no gaming but its fine I insisted XD means I can draw!

we will probably watch anime with Oz, we are on Inuyasha at the moment

tomorrow is school

same old really

Give me space in bed!

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night -_____- just ached like hell. After 90mins of being in bed I got up and took pain killers and climbed back into my bed and did fall asleep. Jack kept offering to get up with me but I didnt want to have to get up. He yelled something out in his sleep which woke me, then I got comfy again - facing him - and got elbowed in the nose by him TT^TT he didnt even wake up despite me going OW!!! so thats the other day he crushed my hand in his sleep and now this. Give me space!!

I did not want to get up this morning, almost fell asleep after my alarm was turned off ><

I was ok about going school tho, wasnt anxious. However I just did not want to talk to people

I got to school, prepped my day and prepped tomorrow all by 9am! So then I spent the rest of my morning being anti-social on my PC drawing the front covers for the students science books. I got the year 7&8 chemistry done!! got biology next then physics but it looks really good! Its been sent to head of department to get the thumbs up, so fingers crossed he will like it. If it gets the green light our booklets will look so much better than the other departments!

I left at lunch with a headache, I think cus I had been looking at a screen for so long and probably wasnt blinking XD

Mum came over for lunch and told me the doctors had switched dads antidepressant and hes on the same one as me! only on the smallest dose to start. But so glad. and hes agreed to have talking therapy. We were both shocked that he does in fact know what an arse he is

I laid on my bed for an hour when mum left

then got up and did my admin job of changing the address of my car just got to post it. but it is a good job done, then I water coloured Jack's birthday card, that just needs outlining now

I sat on the sofa for a bit then Jack came home, we did dinner. Dinner was nice but gave me awful stomach pains. I was on the bed for an hour in a ball. Waste of life

Now I have exercise to do and Oz to sit with >< I can not bare to do exercise as I am so god damn tired I literally just want my bed. I am so tired T^T

I am sure I will manage something tho, I always do

Id go for a walk but Jack is in his pyjamas now :/ but maybe a walk would be too much. Quick 10min video is what I need XD

Tomorrow is school

hopefully have more time to draw again, Ii just keep doing a little bit each night and I can slowly see progress. If I have time tonight it will be flareon's eyes

coping better today with anxiety

 Konbanwa~~~

Last night we had Oz in whilst we watched anime, we finished Ouran high school host club. I had to take Oz home half way through the episode as he was just so hungry, I couldnt keep giving him carrot and treats tho as its not good for him. Lives for food that rabbit >.>

I went to bed and could hear the football game going off but slept through it, woke up at 11:30pm as Jack had rolled over onto my hand so my hand had pins and needles in it and was actually hurting ><

I slept through the rest of the night and didnt really suffer with anxiety ether!

This morning I was actually ok about going to school

didnt feel anxious. maybe I got all my anxiety out my system over the weekend XD

but it was nice to go to school and  not feel like being sick

school was ok, I gave the teacher her welcome back card and she came to find me later and gave me a big cuddle ^^ I was glad I did that for her~

I got all my jobs done and wasnt feeling too bad about it all

Julia was saying she was struggling to cope with her daughter who obviously has depression but Julia still hasnt been to take her to the doctors. I said I think she needs medicating. But she just keeps blanking it. I feel so sorry for her daughter.

I went home, and was ready for a good rest

mum came over for lunch and brought the sows who look lovely still after their bath. Truffle especially looked beautiful with her short hair cut, mum says shes sure truffs loves it when her hair gets cut short.

Mum left me after lunch to go to sleep, it was good to see her

I went to sleep for about an hour

when I got up I changed my address on my car insurance ^^ that is a good achievement for me as I dont like doing admin jobs, its always an anxiety set off but I was actually ok. I have just got to change the address on the car ownership now. That will be a job for tomorrow~

I drew the outline on Jack's birthday card. I asked him which pokemon he would like on it but in the end I drew chimecho, as hes getting a chimecho wind chime for his birthday so I think it will go well. I will water colour it probably tomorrow. No rush with it

Jack came home and we had a cup of tea I also had fruit loaf - which was my breakfast also~

Then I made some banana biscuits but they were a bit wet so took longer to cook, I had got my chicken cooking for my breakfasts and I then put the chicken on for dinner, but couldnt put the potato in the oven cus my biscuits were hogging the tray so in the end, because those biscuits took the tray I usually do my potatoes on it just threw me out of sync with all the dinner but it actually worked out ok and tasted really good. Jack enjoyed his dinner too~

I am gonna do probably 1 exercise video then go for a bath as I did like 15+mins of yoga this morning and I dont wanna do myself in for the rest of the week. I am quite tired ^^;

then I will do some drawing I guess~

sit with Oz and watch anime. Think we are gonna give this other Inuyasha final act box set I bought as the first 2 did not work T^T so literally 3rd time lucky!

Tomorrow

is school~ nothing special going on there. It will be then exactly 2 weeks before we break up for summer holidays!!!!!!

Seeing Jack's family and constant anxiety

 Evening

I just ran out of time to do my diary last night!

Yesterday morning I woke up from having not pleasant dreams. Went for a wee whilst Jack went to let Oz out. But he was taking ages....My head said "what if Oz is dead and Jack just doesnt know how to come in and break the news to you" I panicked as my heart sank. I rushed out side shouting Jack, my heart hammering. I said "is he ok!?" he was like "yeah hes just giving me lots of fuss this morning and I fussed him loads back as you know - no school today" I felt so dumb. My heart was still hammering and I felt so weakened by that burst of panic. I told Jack. Oz is fine ^^

So yesterday we got most of our chores out the way in the morning. I cleaned Oz out and did the bathroom. 

I went for a walk with Jack as well. Slept a bit, made some biscuits

I was anxious about going over to Jack's family as I didnt know what we were eating so I was getting food anxiety

We had a bath before going over to Jack's family at 6pm. I was really aching so decided to make it a rather hot bath. Didnt realise just how hot it was tho, I was glowing red for almost an hour afterwards!

on the way over to Jack's family I felt sick in the car with anxiety. Its weird its like I felt panicky about being out the house at that time of day. Gotten so out of going OUT

We got to Jack's family and we talked with his family, met Enzo the white kitty who is very handsome and actually alright for a cat. I watched the bunnies several times as Skyla is so damn cute!! <3 

Jack's mum had made a dinner I was able to eat bless her, it was chicken breast and vegetables it was all really nice actually. Made a change not to have to cook as well! There was ice cream and strawberries afterwards but I wish I didnt have the ice cream as I didnt like it that much and it made me cold!

We sat and talked for a bit after wards and left at 9:45pm. I was shattered. I think we left because I couldnt stop yawning and looked tired. Just exhausted as usual. On the way home I saw a man in pink 'dress' with his mates and he was just peeing against the bridge which is a main road....gross. Some people have no shame. Doesnt make me want to go out in the evenings anyway when you see idiots like that around....

We got home and had Oz out and had hot chocolate with him whilst watching anime. Oz was dead giddy and hyper to say it was like 10:30pm. He usually in bed at this point XD

I slept pretty ok I guess, had a cuddle with Jack in bed which is nice as theres no time for that before school at 6am >< 

We got up and went shopping, I felt so sick with anxiety before I left. Going round the shop I couldnt think, my heart was pounding and I felt dizzy. But we got it done! It was getting busy as we left tho. Im guessing people were going shopping for the football match tonight - we will probably be able to hear it whilst we are trying to sleep -_____-

we unpacked and had a brew with Ozwald

Jack helped me with my soup then he went to go cut the grass and tidy the garden a little bit. So I finished my soup, put the pots away and made him his lunch he came inside and we ate together :)

I had a bit of a sleep after lunch

then got up and stitched a rabbit japanese cloth so it can hang on the wall and Jack hammered in two nails so I could hang it up ^^

it sits next to the plushies

 I fixed a top of dad's as well. Then I started a card for a teacher at work who has been off work and I wanted to give her a little card to say we missed her and we will support her. 

Whilst it dried we went for a walk

I came back and had fruit loaf and a brew and finished the card

I did dinner which was 'omurice' but more 'omubeans' it was sooooo damn good. I made it all up but both me and jack said we would eat it again!

I did my first order off Boohoo and got a lot of stuff and saved a lot of money. Theyre having a big sale cus of the football and so I treated myself to more joggers and hoodies XD

Now I am gonna have a bath, do some drawing and see the lad. I got my stuff ready for school. Going to wear my space skirt, its long enough that I feel comfortable not to wear tights. So hopefully it will keep me cooler. I still dont want to go tho

so yeah tomorrow is school and mum said she will come see me for lunch as shes missed me :)

met the school councillor

 Evening

I slept really deep last night, like proper deep sleep for whatever reason

cant say I felt any more refreshed after it >.>

still didnt want to go to school

we had Oz inside this morning as we let him out and 3 mins later a cat came into the garden and it obviously scared the crap out of him so I had to get him and calm him down. He soon forgot about it all when he realised he was playing inside in the morning and didnt want to go home ether!

School

I had my first session with the councillor at 8:15am

didnt get out til 9am

it was ok I guess, I dont feel I got anything out of it as I literally just told her my life 

she was very nice but dont feel like she had a lot to give somehow

she said 

"you need to be kinder to yourself"

"youre too hard on yourself"

"its no wonder you feel crap you have so much going off"

yeah I came away needing caffeine 

I somehow and I mean SOMEHOW got my lessons prepped then left 

head of science was teaching as I walked out but he shouted me and left his class to ask how I had got on and cheered me on for doing another week. And could tell I was struggling as I looked like death and I felt it! I wanted nothing more than to sleep for 5 hours

i came home and mum turned up as I did~

we had lunch and a quick sit then it was just all go this afternoon ><

we went to two small shops for a few bits, I got my paint for my porch door

then we came back and I sheered truffs, gave her a proper short cut as shes getting too warm. She was so good whilst I did it, I think its because she knows I am relaxed when doing it and its to help her. She does not let mum do it but mum is on edge when doing it and I think animals pick up on that. Then we bathed all 3 of them so I bet truffle is lovely clean and soft now! I even trimmed her tummy fur just to try and keep her cooler.

Then I sat with a cup of tea and fruit loaf and then I grabbed a few bits from my old bedroom such as my sewing machine! shes finally over here! I feel reunited!!

mum dropped me home at 4pm and Jack was home

we sat for a lil while then I had a full sesh in the bathroom

eyebrow bleach

epilated

shaved

lazered

face pack

its hard being female ^^; 

of course its all for my sake no one elses

Jack had a shower after me, we had dinner then I thought "I have some time to draw"

but my brother rang for 80mins which is fine I like speaking to him. I just havent had a single minute to myself today! So now I am doing my diary and I have got to go have Oz inside for his evening sit and I have got to do some yoga as I havent done any exercise today I am exhausted but need to do something. So I said I would do yoga with Oz in my pyjamas

tomorrow

it will be nice not getting up at 6am

I plan to clean bathroom and clean Oz out and try do a bit of exercise before I go over to Jack's mum's house for dinner

think that will literally be the day!

but I have completed another week~ 

work in progress - umbreon and flareon

 Evening

I slept ok last night, I mean it took a while to get off to sleep as we could hear people shouting for miles over the bloody football -_____- 

I woke up at 4:30am for a huge wee but managed to go back to sleep

we both woke up a few mins before the alarm and even got up!

I didnt want to go school and felt quite sick going

Jack literally held my hand when it came to prepping practicals

I spoke to the print technician about mental health for a while too

I got my day done

and head of science brought us a big packet of white chocolate buttons to say sorry for forgetting to take Jack home, he made sure to bring him home today tho XD

I came home at lunch and had lunch with mummy, the girls came over as our grass is longer than theirs XD and then mum left me to go to sleep which I kinda did for an hour

I did some drawing and looked at stuff online for mummy

Jack came home and I had a cup of tea with him then we went for a walk as it looked like rain so we thought we would go before dinner and its a good job we did as it rained during dinner, we had Oz inside with us whilst we ate as I knew he would sit out in it -____-

Think I will go for a bath in a minute then I can sit and draw for the rest of the evening :) 

I will sit Oz again as well

tomorrow is last day of school this week

at 8:15am I have my first meeting with the school councillor who I have never met but hopefully it should be beneficial. Feels like a long week this week actually  

here is how far I am with my umbreon and flareon picture

Jack got left at school + mummy's canvas

 Evening

I didnt sleep well. I had 3 nightmares. I was screaming in my sleep for someone to wake me. Whether I was actually screaming out loud we will never know as Jack sleeps like the dead

Didnt want to go school

felt sick going to school

School I found difficult. I knew this A-level practical was approaching and its a hard one but I had to actually look at it today. Jack looked at it with me. I broke down in tears. Literally cant handle it.

He said he will help me all the way with it tomorrow

I didnt want to talk to anyone today, just didnt want noise or people

couldnt wait for the day to end really. 

I wasn't going to see my mum today but she turned up before I could text her XD

I felt better for seeing her. Soon went to bed when she left and forgot to set my alarm so I just slept til late. Jack was late coming home didnt get in til 6pm! Head of science said he would give Jack a lift home and ended up going home without him!!! Poor Jack!

I offered to go get him but the time I would get there and back it would be no different from Jack getting a bus as it was tea time traffic. So I stayed  home and made banana biscuits. Got dinner ready for Jack 

I did some drawing as well

After dinner I did 15mins of fast dancing then had a bath

we are just in with Oz who is just spoilt bunbun

Mum fetched my doctors note today and they have signed me off sick!!!! I asked for the altered hours note to continue but instead they have signed me off sick!! How annoying. I am gonna take it to school tomorrow and ask if it will be ok otherwise I will have to get another note >.>

Don't wanna go tomorrow again

Here is mummy's canvas