Evening~~~
I woke up a fair bit last night having dreams and having some dreams
i wanted to wake up from, it is rather scary being in a dark closed room
with a beastly dragon firing fire balls at you, jeez i dont even know where
half my dreams come from
I did manage to go to sleep instantly each time I woke up
but I did notice that I was wet with sweat as I was well layered up
on a night probably most people slept on top of their duvet
it was a warm night to say the least
but I was still shivering despite my hot body temperature
mum woke me at 7:30am but I found it hard to rise
as I felt like a drowsy zombie XD
but I knew I had to get up for Ozwald
we got him to the vets on time and our usual vet greeted us
and she was heavily pregnant!! I couldnt believe it
I said to her it doesnt feel long ago she was on her honey moon
but she said that was 3 years ago!! she said shes been a vet for 9 years now
so I have know her some years as Ive owned rabbits for 13 years which is half my life now
Oz was so good honestly he didnt even flinch when the needle went in!! hard core!!
what i didnt appreciate was how he was all over the vet!!! he was leaning up at her
not me
and giving her licks
not me
talk about second best Ozwald he didnt want to know me and wasnt in a rush to leave ether!
the vet loved Ozwald as usual and wishes all her patients were like him
flirting with the nurse Oz
We got him home and I told mum I still felt unfit to drive
im still very dizzy but i can tell i have improved from yesterday in that respect
but im still dizzy and its making me feel a little sick from the dizziness and my stomach is still majorly off it doesnt like food at the moment it would seem
but i will get there. my mood is a lil strange too my head feels very mixed up
im trying to distract myself from dwelling on it all
I got dropped off at psychology were i could not be arsed to go
but i went as i know i have to >.>
we didnt talk much about family as he said we would it was more about my responsibilities in life
and how sleep effects life. he wasnt impressed by my doctor swapping me to another anti-depressiant so quickly. and he suggested that i may need to meet with a psychiatrist to sort medication out as theyre more specialised in mental health medication
i came away feeling a lil annoyed by all we talked about i felt like i had to stand my ground with it all but that might have just been the way i was feeling like i said i don feel quite right in the head today.
mum picked me up and told me that she had posted my ebay stuff off
think ive made a total of £25 so it was worth doing i guess
we came home and i checked on Oz he seemed fine just warm bless him
Today I made mum a new waist pocket thing i suppose it looks similar to the retro 'bum bags' as she likes to have one to put her keys in and phone when she goes for her walks, but because she got a new phone recently shes struggling to fit it in as its much bigger than her blackberry and she asked me yesterday if id make her one before sunday so thats what i did today i took my time as i have little brain power but somehow i didnt screw it up! she was pleased with the result
I havent done a great deal else and it feels like a long day today
but i think its cus i was up early and i havent had a sleep in the day today ether
oh and a massive achievement to myself today i am officially 2 days clean of Tramadol
this hasnt happened for 7 years so its something to be proud of
and hopefully i can keep being clean as i do plan to be rid of them for good
I got this in the post this week its a hair clip, but so cute right i love it
tomorrow i think im seeing adam but hes in work earlier and im not sure if i will be able to drive or not so i will have to see about it all
suppose to be another warm day tomorrow as well
Evening
I slept
what more can I say to that
I actually slept
like normal sleep for me
I know its normal because:
its deep sleep im not waking up shattered
I have a weird dream that keeps me busy in my sleep
I stay in my bed all night!
I couldnt believe it when mum woke me that it was the morning
it felt like only hours
slight issue tho I felt really drowsy, not tired, drowsy
Mum said I looked worse for having a normal night's sleep XD
hows that possible!? I did look like a zombie tho
seriously like halloween had come early to me
mum, my brother and adam could tell i wasnt on the right planet today
just by looking at me i believe
Anyway so this morning another discovery I made was
that I was incredibly dizzy and woolly headed
and my heart is pounding like its having to work extra hard
I walked downstairs and sat in a seat thinking
"whats making that banging noise?" I'll tell you what it was
it was my heart beat, I could hear it very loudly in my ears
I felt so dizzy to the point of losing my balance or feeling faint
I didnt feel sick but the constant dizziness did make me feel off after a while
I just felt awful if im honest. I wasnt tired but had gained a lot more crap
so I did what I thought was best and went back to bed at 9:30am thinking
that I could sleep the rest of the medication off
woke up at 12pm to the sound of every house alarm going off within a 5 mile radius
ugh not what I wanted to wake up to and I knew what it meant
we had a power cut...still it got me up as i couldnt believe the amount of
time i had slept. I noticed that I had sweated a lot through the night and also during my sleep
in the morning, I was hot like seriously hot. you could probably cook an egg off me
so i dived from my bed to the shower
which i didnt enjoy as my heart was working double time and i felt dizzy
I came downstairs afterwards and adam was ringing me
he wanted to come over. despite me txting him hours earlier telling him NOT to come see me
as i was living corpse and no good to anyone
basically when my health is bad all i do is hole myself away from everyone
i HATE people to see me to see my illness
its not fun im not fun and its a waste of everyones time involved
as i cant be myself and i cant do anything with anyone
im best left alone
despite me saying all this it still didnt put him off as he was on the bus over to
my house!! i just knew i was gonna get a telling off for this from mum
she hates me seeing people when im like death as she sees it as being unfair on me
but anyway he turned up
he was sweaty as it was 25c today! he had taken the time to buy me flowers ^^
I have done nothing all day apart from sit
laying around
occasionally going into the sun and sitting some more
i couldnt even fuss the pets as they were hot also
so theyre having extra long outside tonight
millie and maisy have really become fast friends
I told adam that he shouldnt come and see me like this
that its a waste of his time
but ether he just doesnt get it or sees it differently but he says it doesnt bother him
well sometimes i just wanna die in peace ok
i did get the 3rd degree from mum when he'd gone -_______-
when he'd left i wrapped up all my ebay stuff ready to post tomorrow
I decided id go yoga not knowing how id cope but knew i was aching a lot
due to not doing any exercise today so i knew ether way id got to do exercise
as is the nature of the beast of having hyper-mobility-syndrome
Yoga was HOT there was no fans or air con and only one small window open
but we had little breeze and no clouds today so a whole lotta good it did
i dont know how i got through the session i know several times i got the 'concerned look' from mum and karen. Mum told me later it was because i was like white and sweating. how i was getting goosebumps when i was roasting is beyond me. Karen looked sick, she must have lost a stone this week, seriously. I know shes got stomach issues and waiting for an op but my god shes lost weight in a week i hope shes gonna be ok
I did read the leaflet that came with my anti-depressiants
basically they can cause heart to beat out of rhythm, dizziness, for moods to change rapidly until they get fully working (which why the doctor asked me if i felt suicidal) these tablets are kinda like a 'last resort' if all else fails which explains why i havent been prescribed them before, theyre none-addictive and the side effects ease up after 2 weeks, great 2 weeks+ of this!
so i can expect my moods to change then from looks of things so i told mum that cus other people around you tend to notice your mental state more than you do.
tomorrow is suppose to be another hot day
i swear our country has the worlds mentalist weather
my pets are hot cus they still have their winter coats on! no one saw this weather happening
be rained like crazy before we know it or even snowing lets just see
anyway tomorrow Oz has the vets at 9am which by that time of morning wont be warm other wise id cancel his appt and take him when its cooled off out there as its not an emergency its just his yearly jabs and a health check. Then im coming home to drop him off and going near enough straight back out for psychology at 10am for an hour then driving down the road for the post office to post off my ebay crap basically then coming home to die
Konbanwa
ahhh Atsui ne~~ Atatakai
Last night I started my new anti-depressiants
these must be my 7th type I have tried
and disappointingly I had to take 3 >.>
for someone who is trying to reduce their medication and going from taking
just one anti-depressiant to 3 is a kick to the gut >.>
but anyway I did feel drowsy and I went to bed at a 'normal' time of 10pm
I woke up at 12 and fell asleep til 1:30am which is when my back
proper ached from Nigel and I needed pain relief!!!
I was up then til 3am just reading manga and eating cereal same old really
and I fell asleep til 8am then
This morning even tho I had still had disturbed sleep I didnt feel shattered
usually I wake up and come 10am Im struggling to keep my eyes open
but maybe its because I slept deeper that I didnt feel so dead
ether way I was happy about that
and got on with my day
by 10:30am I had
cleaned out my pets
hovered my car
washed my car
had a shower
had breakfast
I was on it this morning~
I txted adam to ask what he wanted to go after the gym today
as it was probably England's first hot day of 2018
I was thinking a walk near water but mum said it was full of the little flies in the air that appear
this time of year as thats how it was yesterday so i skipped that idea and we went for a walk round a park and walked round a few shops and i drove to his house
all day i have been a bit off...
like i see the negative straight away in things where there probably could not even be negativity so ive had to watch my mouth today otherwise i could be very rude i think and maybe nasty too
when we got to adams his dad had just come in and i knew we couldnt not talk to him so i sat and talked for a bit but i havent been in a talkative mood all day so i found it an effort and thats no fault of anyones but myself. in the end the pair of them started talking about sport so i walked off as i find it so boring listening to sport.
adam turned on Okami as he knew I wanted to play on it
so I started playing on that whilst i think he played on his phone im not entirely sure as i sat in front of him and zoned out in front of the game. i told him id had enough of playing and he turned it off and flicked through facebook, i patiently waited and just rested a minute on his bed then he went on this game on his phone and started playing that so i turned over and was just zoning out waiting for him and then he said "this boss is gonna take a while" I said "im gonna go home if youre playing that" it was 4:45pm and I was planning on leaving at 5pm anyway
he didnt want me to go and i could see he felt bad and said "i was playing on it thinking you were resting" i said "no i was waiting for you, i dont know why you cant wait til i have gone home"
so I went home cus i have better things to do
i told mum I had been in a bit of a mood all day
and i sat outside in the garden in the sun reading my kindle with a brew to try relieve some tension
mum said i blame myself too much and that im not entirely at fault
i dont think id been home 20mins before adam txted saying he loves me and i txted back saying i love you too kinda thing, not wanting to look like a complete bitch. he said "i miss you" and i could have bitten heads off with that sentence. i said "im sure youre fine youre usually are" but i could have said a lot worse. and he said "i still miss you tho" i didnt txt back.
hes on about seeing me tomorrow but i will see how i am first
patience with stuff is thin today for some reason
the stuff i put on ebay finishes today!
The total payment came to £44.02! so i hope it was worth doing but of course i have postage to pay out for and ebay fees also. but i bet I will come away with £10 i hope anyway!
i will post stuff on friday or even tomorrow if everyone pays up
heres something i got off ebay the other week
its a new bodyline skirt for £10 its beautiful and high quality i love it!
the straps can be tied in a bow or taken off
tomorrow i have got yoga and thats it really
i wonder how sleep will go tonight
the new japanese compression socks are great!
Konbanwa~
I didnt do my diary yesterday I ran outta time ><
yesterday was my beloved Millie's birthday
she turned 3 years old! but she doesnt look it
i love millie so much
out of the all the pigs ive had ive felt the biggest connection with millie
shes just so lovely such a kind soul and i love her to pieces
shes taken Maisy under her wing too ^^
The 3 girls had a bath yesterday they all shared millie's birthday bath XD
they were smelly piglets
Yesterday I didnt do a great deal as I felt shattered
until I decided I had enough of my body feeling so damn crappy
I blasted music from a speaker mum had left on the stairs so I did some dancing
and by some i mean an hour
i thrashed my body
adam turned up just as i was finishing morning musume's one two three
he saw me dancing through the window XD
He came to see me after his shift
we didnt do a lot as i was saving myself for the evening
That evening we met up with tara and jamese and did pub quiz
we were against 9 other teams and we were leading the first two rounds
then by the 3rd last round we ended up finishing 2nd!
we got second place!
with is a gallon of beer basically
but me and adam dont drink so tara and james said theyd buy us drinks and keep the voucher
i wasnt fussed or anything id had a good evening
i dropped adam off home and came home
earlier that day mum said to me "you can hear when you come in youre noisy"
so when i came in i poked my head round the living room door to my parents and said
"sshhh im being quiet"
mum told me to shut up
looks like i cant win ether way XD
I didnt go to bed til 1am and even so i was aching like crazy and couldnt sleep
I woke up at 7:50am but I had doctors so i knew i had to get up
my doctors appt was at 8:50am the second appointment of the day
the doctor walks in at 8:55am good isnt it
he has changed my antidepressiant even tho ive only been on my new one for 2 months
he said it would help with sleep seeing as my current one wasnt helping with pain like it should have been but it had been helping with my mood.
he gave me some sleeping tablets and told me ive got to take the for 3 days in a row
to get back into a 'normal' sleeping pattern
which im dreading as ive gotta pick my days as it will make me into a zombie and make stuff taste foul for those 3 days so im thinking of doing it on friday thats if i havent got any work for monday
when i got home i sat and designed nails for this week
and had another go designing the hoodie jacket i want to make
i wrapped dads presents up as its his birthday today the old fart
i fell asleep as i was exhausted after doing half hour of dancing
had to answer the door to the post man with a face pack on -_____-
but the good news is i got my compression socks from japan
im gonna give those a go tonight
i went to nigel's for treatment
he massaged my back neck and shoulders using tools
he gave me needles and for the first time i had normal thickness needles
as i felt i could handle it today i was fine with the needles
he said "im gonna find your bottom rib" - to find an acupuncture point
"oh wait i can see it, nevermind" made me feel great. i didnt know i was that skinny
but i never see my back i guess
my back is hurting and colourful now from bruising
i helped mum decorate some little cakes she'd made for dad
and i shared one with Oz afterwards he loved it X3
dad liked his presents and card i was very surprised and glad i had made the effort actually
usually he shows no emotion towards the whole thing
tomorrow think im seeing adam at some point
the weather should be better so i might try and wash my car or hover it atleast
maybe the two of us could go out somewhere but i suppose
depends on the weather and on me
i hope i sleep tonight!
Tadaima~~~~
I am home and it feels good to be home~
So shall we start with how my day went yesterday :)
Basically I got up and got myself sorted
had a shower and put on more makeup than I usually wear
as I wanted it to hold for the whole day and I wanted to make the effort
not that more is better but I did want to try
I had some lunch before I left and drank a brew outside with Oz
I made sure to give him plenty of fuss before I left
I picked Adam up who was already for me
and we were off on my hour jounrey
to be fair I handled everything well and was so pleased with myself
for writing notes as my satnav clearly hasnt been updated for a while
as we were driving what looked like through fields on my satnav screen XD
but we have new roads now leading out of nottingham
i never leave nottingham in my car tho XD
I did all the major roads fine it was finding where we were staying that took up time
honestly couldnt find it and we were a bit distrusting of the satnav
we got there tho and had some time in the hotel before we had to set off
so we both got in our finery and headed to the christ
I could see people outside the church and stuff and we were on time
i mean the ceremony was good i wont diss it but it wasnt to my taste
very song heavy with christian songs that went on and on
they were repetitive and all about the same thing. god.
there was prayers too which again isnt my thing
i was aching a lot sitting there for so long but it gave me stuff to think about
such as
how lovely Joy looked in her wedding dress it was a beautiful dress it truly was
antony looked amazing bless him and nervous
how much effort goes into organising all this
how damn scary it is to get married
i said to adam "if i get married im doing it online, less scary and im sure someone out there will print me a certificate" he laughed and said "you'll be married soon" hmm didnt like where that topic was going so i changed the subject XD
after we could leave the church we headed to the reception (after party) and that was lovely and more my thing, it was in a marquee outdoors with loads of tables a dance floor and just one poxy heater for the entire marquee...
we were one of the first to arrive and seeing as it was in a forest I went and scouted the area out leaving adam, as i do love being in the woods. would have been tonnes better if i wasnt confined in boots and a dress >.>
I came back and people started taking up seats at the tables
we sat down discovered that each seat had a drinks token on their wine glass
i threaded mine through my belt on my dress so i didnt lose it
adam cashed his in shortly but there wasnt anything that i wanted on their menu so i kept hold
of it forgetting about it as i found water and tea~ so i was sorted
we were asked to go up table by table for the hog roast and everyone got a load of meat
i got next to nothing!!!!!! honestly! adam offered some of his meat but i declined knowing he'd only be hungry if i took from him.
there was a message to say we could go get some cake wooooo so adam went and got some of his mum's cake i wasnt bothered what cake i ate as long as i got some damn cake
after cake i went outside to go see the pig or what was left of the pig from the hog roast
i just wanted to see what it looked like
after the food was done and dusted there was the speeches
and that was lovely seeing that and the words that were spoken antony has always been so mature and last night was no exception his best man - lee - got up for a speech
lee was a boy in my primary school class i was always fine with him and he was always very very shy so to see him get up and do a speech was amazing
the music was getting starting and we were told the tables and chairs were gonna be moved to make way for the dance floor. antony came and saw us and i could see he was anxious about if people would get up and actually dance. i told him id dance. he told adam that he'd have to buy everyone a drink if he didnt dance XD
i was frozen. i kept going over to the heater to get my circulation going again
i was really cold and adam offered to fetch his jacket from the car so he went and did that
meanwhile the musicians asked for people - couples - to come onto the dance floor
i wanted to dance but adam had gone to the car. Lee was stood looking a lil lost. He was best man and therefor he HAD to dance not that he wanted to
so I went walking up to him "hey Lee I'll dance with you"
he was really surprised and said "I didnt even recognise you!" And we listened to the instructions and we had ago dancing, I noticed his parents were in front of us and I told them I was from Lee's old school class but I wasnt expecting them to know me as I didnt know them ether
the 3 dances ended and to me I was finished dancing, Id danced and not worn myself out
job done, or so i thought
i went over to my table and saw adam thinking 'hes come in from getting a coat for his girlfriend to find shes dancing with another random guy....doesnt look good'
so I explained about Lee and who he was and adam was fine
I bumped into Lee's mum and she thanked me for dancing with Lee and asked if I would dance again with him...what do you say? So I said it was no problem
Lee's older sister who was in Helina's class came through the door and I recognised her straight away she hadnt changed even tho last time i saw her she was 11 years old. Lee's mum told me to go talk to her but I said she wouldnt know me. I went over to her and introduced myself and said I was in her brother's class at school she at first didnt know me and i said it was a long time then the penny dropped and she said "were you the girl with blond hair, fringe, and a bit of a tom boy!?" i was like "yeah that was me" she said "oh my god youre so different youre so pretty and slim your face is slim and your hair is lovely and youre so pretty i cant believe how different you are" guess i must have been a right dog's dinner in school XD
i had been told through out the night "your dress is pretty" "your look really good" "youre wearing a dress!?" "your hair is a lovely colour" i received a lot of compliments that night a lot from people i didnt even know
the next set of dances got under way and antony's mum was videoing me dancing with lee!!! could have killed her XD but shes a good sport and did it to deliberately annoy me XD
I ended up dancing with a lot of people and it was fun I couldnt stop laughing as the young guys were arsing around which always makes me laugh seeing guys be stupid its like being at school, people had been drinking so kept messing up, i was tired and kept going wrong but it was fun.
after that set of dancing Lee's mum said to me "im sorry i didnt realise you had a fellow over there!"
i said "oh dont worry about him" but i was starting to wonder if adam would be in a mood with me cus i was dancing with other people and Lee of course
I didn't want to dance again but they were getting desperate for dances at this point as it was 10pm and a lot of people had started to leave. So I went up like a good sport
did the dance and I was knackered really really done in so i walked over to adam and said "i need to go home now" and went to say our goodbyes and thank yous to antony and joy
we left and i was mentally and physically drained but very wired and told adam is was gonna take a lot to wind down for the night
i was originally gonna shower when i got back to the hotel but it was 11pm and i was shattered so i got into pajamas and died on the bed but i was suffering big style so when adam had nodded off i was still up by 3am i had taken pain killers. he'd stayed up with me til 1:30am but he was tired also even tho he didnt dance :P
i got about 4 hours sleep
the morning I got up at 8:30am and had a much needed shower
we went for break fast which was good actually i enjoyed it
then we packed up our stuff and left around 10am
we got home quick
my brother passed the first part of his drone licence this weekend which i was pleased for him
i havent done a lot today other than catch up on some sleep and see Oz who'd missed me
and to make a point of showing me how much he's missed me he latched onto my arm with claws and went to mount my arm!! whats up with him!? must be cus its spring and he wants to do what bunnies do best i think. he's got the vets on friday i will ask them to make sure he hasnt grown his man bits back XD
tomorrow it's Millie's 3rd birthday and shes having a birthday bath! cus she is in desperate need of one!! It's also pub quiz with tara and james the last time i see them before they go to america
Evening~
Me and mum ache after yoga
can always tell when Karen is teaching -____- shes the devil
Anyway last night I was aching a hell of a lot
I didn't know what to do with myself
my mood had hit a low as well
I found myself falling into a dark place and not caring whether
I came back from it or not. I had some dark thoughts
thoughts I came close to acting out by myself in the middle of the night
but I didn't
Im getting to my wits end with life
no one helps and there is no relief and it goes on and on
day in day out 24 hours a day
Today I got up and I had missed the pig shift
so I fussed Oz as the girls were enjoying their salad
I checked how my ebay crap was progressing and quite a few things have bids on
so hopefully it will be worth the effort of doing it
I started packing stuff for the wedding tomorrow
my brother has gone to Doncaster for 2 nights to begin his drone license
hes brave doing all that by himself
he wanted my satnav but i need it for tomorrow
dad gave my car a once over and mum ironed my dress for me ^^
Adam said he'd wear the tie
i told him Id lost interest and ive tried to help, he's old enough to make his
own decisions and that its a show of respect to go smart to a wedding
he asked if i was gonna finish with him!!
i couldnt believe he'd thought that!
i told him "no i hadnt even thought of that and how lam would it be if we finished
over you being too stubborn to wear a tie, it wouldnt make our relationship look strong"
i hadnt thought of getting rid of him. it was nothing really
but i could tell that thought had been on his mind all night and im not sure if his dad
had been winding him up about it
adam didnt want the job he trialled for, said he'd get bored and it would be a pain working 6 days a week 5 hours each time. he'd rather work longer hours and have another day off in the week.
whatever he wants to do
i havent left the house today
im so tired mentally and physically
im just so drained but i know i wont sleep
it makes no odds how tired i am how drained i am i still cant sleep
here is what adam brought me the other week he gave it to me this week when it
arrived from japan
Mimikyu! gotta love mimikyu :D its from Japan's Pokemon Centre
Anyway tomorrow~
I am picking adam up at 12:15 and we are heading to the hotel in Burton-on-trent
which is over an hour away but looks a straight forward run.
from there we have less than an hour to get dressed into our finery and head down to the church
were we will watch our friend antony marry the woman of his dreams then we have the reception to attend straight after to which we have to take part in a barn dance. Not sure when I will be back at the hotel but I know I will be ready for bed. Its gonna take a lot out of me but I will enjoy it.
I will be home midday on Sunday!
Evening~
i didn't sleep but whats new
this just seems to be the way my life goes
and its wearing thin, im so tired all the damn time
to the point were im just nodding off a lot or feeling faint
I still asked for mum to wake me this morning tho
she seemed a bit better about pinks
I had an easy morning then set off the city centre when i was ready kinda thing
the whole thing was a massive effort i couldnt be doing with it but knew i needed
some gloves for this wedding and a tie for adam and a box for the cake
so I went round the shops by myself
i tried quite a few shops for gloves and no wear sold anything remotely glove like
i will tell you what they did sell tho
endless summer crap!! its sodding april! and we dont even get the weather for shorts
and bikinis! endless biknins!!
very very annoying I have to say
so I went into a store that isnt cheap and I looked at the 50+ ties they had for sale
and thinking what would suit adam best and picked him up a tie for £8
it was a slatey blue colour and plain I quite liked it
I walked to another store for a cake box and got that sorted
upon walking to my car adam was walking to my car also!
you couldnt have got more perfect timing I was well happy
so I gave him a lift home
I had txt him the night before saying I could drive him home and he wouldnt need to spend
any time with me
but today i was kinda expecting him to say "want to come in for a brew?"
but nothing
I told him when he got out the car that the cake box was in the boot he got it out
and saw there was a tie in the box
i said "i expect you to wear it saturday, see ya!" and i drove off
cus why hang around he didnt want me anyway
i got home and was doing myself some lunch
and he rang me up saying "whats this? why have you brought me a tie? i have 2 ties"
i said "cus yours are old fashioned and i dont like them"
he said "so these a new fashioned are they" being proper arsy with me
so we had a bit of a tiff on the phone over a stupid tie
i said "if i knew it was gonna cause this much of a problem i wouldnt have bothered"
i was hurt as i was shattered but went out my way to do that for him as left to him he'd look scruffy for the wedding, and its a wedding youve got to look presentable its only respectful
he said thanks and asked if i was mad at him i told him i wasnt and said i wanted my lunch
i put the phone down and started my lunch but i was too churned up and threw it in the bin
i went to bed as i knew i was gonna take my suppressed anger on someone
he had left me messages whilst i was asleep saying he was sorry
i forgave him i just wish he wouldnt be so damn stubborn
saying he refuses to wear it and i said "i will make you walk to the wedding" he said "i wont come to the wedding then" just an arse. but i forgave. i was good cus i could have had it out with him
but i couldnt see the point just cus he was being stubborn over a tie
anyone would think i was asking him to wear a pink bloody dress!
he had another trial shift tonight so maybe hes a bit stressed about all that
or maybe hes just a jerk who has gotta make it up to me
ive been quiet and tired since all that
and wrote down stuff i need for the wedding
it looks to be 70mins away anyway
Oz made me jump this morning, he had obviously slipped in when i took the girls home
gone through the kitchen, hall and up the stairs and into my room as i found him in the corner
of my room i about had a heart attack wondering what the noise was
crafty git
tomorrow i havent got any think planned other than sorting stuff out for wedding
just so damn tired but i know i wont sleep i never sleep on a yoga night
im too wired to calm down before bed
i got these in the post this week
some facial scrub and eye shadow thats got minerals and vitamins in so should
be more gentle on my eyes
