Evening
I woke up at 4:30am and then at 5:15am I got up
I was back in bed for 6am I just needed food and a stretch
I managed to sleep from 6:30am til 8:20am
so not bad I guess but I felt rough when I woke up
I rang doctors up in the morning and Im booked 31st december
then 9th january to see the nurse
basically the psychologist wants my hormone levels checked as he wants to rule that out as it to being the reason i have no sex drive
personally i think it will be a waste of time as ive had hormone checks in the past
but at least then he can shut up about it
I also rang the psychologist and his receptionist actually sighed and said "has he still not rang you?" well apparently not love if im still ringing you! 3 weeks later >.>
I did 30 mins of yoga just to try and alleviate some of my pain
but cant say it did a lot
then i did 25mins of dancing
actual jpop dancing! god i was so out of touch with it
and i stopped after i felt like collapsing
ive still got my headache and felt rough but still i tried
i had a shower then mum came home and i sat with her for 15mins and we popped out to the shops just shops and food shopping nothing amazing
we timed it well as when we got home it started raining and it hasnt stopped since that was at 1pm and its 7:30pm now, horrible weather
i warmed the leftover soup up for lunch but couldnt face it so my brother had for me whilst i had a hot chocolate, so fed up of food
then i read on my bed and fell asleep i just felt dead
i got up and had a brew with mum
tried to get Oz in but couldnt even find him in that shed in the end mum came and helped me but hurt myself moving stuff out the way just to get to him as he didnt make it easy for me
i went on my laptop started planning out a commission of art work
then i sat with Oz for 10 mins
the psychaitrist rang!!! he rang!!!!
we talked and hes fine with me having antidepressants, funny cus the psychologist would rather i didnt have them - its all paper work related and who looks better than who rather than working together to get the patient better. so anyway ive had to make a list of the antidepressants ive been on which ive done now. and he said he will call tomorrow and we will discuss which one to try, so fingers crossed its going in the right direction
had dinner which i just about survived but still had to lay down after food for about an hour
daren't move then i sat with millie whilst mum had alice
now i just feel rotten and washed out
i swear im having my 3rd cold in 6 weeks
suppose i will know for definite in the morning
but my god im in pain now i have been all day, feeling like ive been ran over, so god knows how im even gonna get to sleep tonight never mind staying asleep
tomorrow mum and my brother are doing a big food shop getting some stuff for xmas day in
so ill be home alone for a bit in the morning
then i believe me and mum are dropping karen's xmas present over
but if i do have a cold i wont be able to go as karen's immune system is compromised at the moment due to her cancer treatment :/
i hope im ok in the morning i really do
here are the Bourbon Nutella Biscuits I made yesterday which have all gone now
they were good
and im baking again on saturday i believe, doing some Dutch christmas biscuits
then were having cake on christmas day
so many treats all in a week
its a week now til the day
its almost all over!!!!
Evening~~
Woke up at midnight but managed to fall asleep again
then woke up at 4:30am and I have been awake ever since
so fed up and tired of this
but my nose was like burning water ive had this a few nights in a row now
horrid and not to mention prevents sleep in the early hours
i was aching too so at 6am i got up
i actually turned the heating on as mum had given me permission to do so
the other day if i wake early
as my god is the house cold
ive gotten one of the fan heaters out but as it was so close to the heating turning
on automatically, i thought id stick it on
i had a shower in the morning to help wake myself up
then at i think 9:30am I put Rock n' Buono! 3 in the dvd player and began decorating
soon realised my brother had only gotten one of the two bags of decorations from the roof...
so i grabbed the ladders and went up myself
then i began decorating
and yeah i got the job done
my little 4ft tree is out again!
and finally Oz having a sniff of decorations XD
i had a break at 10:30am and got the pets out for the annual christmas photo
its never an easy task and i will unveil the pet photos closer to christmas
then i finished the tree, i save the tree til last
i dont feel its the best one ive done but still cute and its all sorted now
finished and tidied up for 11:45am
mum came home and i sat had lunch with her
she liked the decorations and so did my brother
dad on the other hand hasnt said a word
then i drove to a rural kinda town for a walk
it was a hard ask but i did it
then i came back and went on my laptop for half hour but as usual it bored me
so i printed out the christmas guinea photo i took and made it into a christmas card for mum which is what i usually do each year
i tidied up downstairs
then i decided to make some biscuits
they were bourbons but instead of faffing with icing in the centre i used Nutella and my god they were good!!! i only had a tiny piece and took photos of what i baked. I made the rest for my family as i couldnt be doing with the mentalness or stomach id get from eating one no matter how good they were and they went down well with everyone
i had my girlies in
had my dinner which i ate alone as it was a night of sorting yourself out
it was exciting soup woooo lucky me but i ate half a slice of bread
and i only got a bit of acid pain so yeah i survived tonight
then i sat with Oz and watched the rest of Hot Fuzz with my brother
might try do a bit of dancing tonight
tomorrow not sure yet what im doing
i dont have work but i cant say i was expecting any work last week of christmas term as its all christmas plays and activity days parents are in and yeah we're not needed as much
mum has the afternoon off so may go out with her
arranged to see Seth on Thursday at work to see him dressed as Santa i cant wait to see his outfit its like victorian styled he looks amazing in the photos
santa is on his way down my street tonight
another yearly tradition
its a charity thing
Evening~
Man last night was a rough night
I couldnt sleep and was laying there for hours until I decided if I laid
there any longer I was gonna cry due to the amount of pain I was in
not to mention the headache Id had all day was thumping against my pillow
I felt sick too as being in pain for hours does make you feel sick after a while
so at 2am i got up for an hour
did half hour of yoga, sat and read and ate cereal
then tried to sleep around 3:30am
woke up at 7am then drifted asleep til 8:30am
god i felt rough this morning
i did my usual in the morning but by 9:30am i was in bed just resting
i was like a corpse
I got up at 11am for a shower and then left the house at 11:45am
i went to a town and walked to my grandparents old house
i havent been for many years and i wondered if it had changed at all
and it hadnt to be honest which did surprise me
and i didnt feel sad or anything
then i walked to a cafe and had a hot drink that took ages to come despite there
being very few people in there
then i walked back to my car
I drove to another town, I parked up in a park car park and walked through the park
to the city, i have done A LOT of walking today
despite being in pain, tired, not eating and a headache i stayed out the house
as long as i could because i knew i would just be round the house being tired and achy
and today the temperature reached like 7c and there wasnt any breeze so it was
quite a decent day to be out
i picked up some vaseline on offer for my lips and a cheap eye shadow to try
its purple and thats a colour i havent tried with and i didnt want to spend loads
so i brought a cheap one for £1.50 but dont think the pigmentation is very strong
so we shall see
i came home and basically had a hot drink on the sofa and relaxed for a while with a book
i was shattered, i got my pigs in then rounded Oz up the little git XD
i had the last of the cake with mum
i offered Oz some when i brought him in for a half hour sit but he wasnt interested
i wasnt gonna have cake but it was a small amount and i hadnt really eaten
i helped mum with dinner
did some yoga
did some drawing
had dinner
died
literally was in a ball for ages just with stomach pain and feeling like i was gonna bring dinner up, i did manage to eat it all i was determined not to go without like i have been doing as ive been having such small amounts for my main meal that its just depressing so today with it being fish pasta - one of my favourites - i was determined to eat a normal portion. but the after math
jesus
truly wasnt worth it
so thats it now small portions all the damn way til my stomach recovers
cus i had to run to the toilet and everything
hate this its horrendous
i cant eat out anywhere and i have to be careful what i eat too
so ive just this minute recovered from all that actually
earlier i helped my brother get the decorations and tree from the roof
so i can crack on with that tomorrow!
looking forward to it :D i love it as its something that only I do
i will be sure to take photos of my christmas tree
heres some seasonal nails i did last night
someone in a shop commented on them today ^^
they were easy to do
ive got sewing to do as well at some point
i just chose to be out the house today instead of being stuck in sewing
so yeah tomorrow is decorating but i will probably be done by lunch
so i might sew or look for jobs or die of stomach ache
Evening~
I woke up at 2am
becoming a habit i feel
then i woke up at 5:45am and been awake since
i did however manage to stay in my bed all night so thats an achievement
i got up at 7am when my dad did tho as i couldnt bare to lay there aching anymore
the house was cold tho
today was 2c and windy and then later on it rained so its been cold!
my morning, i cleaned the pets out
then me and mum went out for a brew :D at 10am
it was a good brew
so many cakes on offer too but i felt it was just a tad early for cake XD
we came home and i went on my laptop and printed out a owl plush template
might make a plush tomorrow but make it into a robin for christmas
i did 15mins of yoga then...
i went for a run! first run in almost 3 weeks can you believe
but god it was cold, i kinda enjoyed it
in a way i did it to get my daily exercise done and dusted kinda thing
i came in and went for a shower then went straight out for a hair cut
i didnt have to wait this week which was nice
and Jo loved my christmas card I gave her :D so that was worth doing
next time i go hairdressers will be just before my birthday can you believe!
i got home to find postman had been~
i couldnt believe that the eye shadow i ordered on saturday from hong kong had come!
i had been hoping it would come before xmas just cus i wanted to wear winter colours
it was £3.97 and Kose brand! bargain
ive wanted to try Kose for ages now
and i get fed up of wearing pinks and oranges
so i thought id try winter colours you know
but ive heard sometimes blue eyes and blue make up doesnt go
so we shall see
i ordered some bargain lip sticks too today
DHC which is Japanese and ive tried a lip balm by them and its amazing and i found out from watching a youtube make up tutorial that they do lip sticks so i managed to find some reduced to £4 from £15! well happy so ive brought two to have ago with
i do so struggle with what to put on my lips
just wearing any lip stick/tint for a few hours and i get saw chapped flaky lips
so i tend not to bother with lip stuff as its not worth the stress but sometimes for occasions i wear it as it finishes off make up well, so i look forward to having something gentler on my lips
speaking of make up
i saw a photo of my cousin last night on facebook....0.0
wow is all i can say
she looked like well i cant say what she looked like, but it does surprise me we're related
considering i cover up like a nun and she has a lot on show
shes a year younger than me but looks like 28
i sat and had 'lunch' at 2pm in a quiet house
i was gonna dance but i was too tired from running
running had made my lungs burn with the cold air and my body ache worse
so im having a break from running until it gets warmer now
no point of not enjoying it
so i will probably take it back up next year
ive got my dancing still
back to my lunch i had hot chocolate and cake!! sugar!!
sod it really ive lost weight so yeah i can have a lil sugar
i do feel mentally better for losing weight
got more to go tho~
i sat with Oz on the sofa and about fell asleep and i think he did also
ive had real off stomach today its not been good and i was stuck what to have for my dinner tonight so i said to mum i was gonna go out and buy soup but she said to make some
so i did been ages since i made soup
mum was bored so she chopped veg for me
i made veg soup it was nice but still gave me stomach ache which didnt seem fair
as i went for liquid food and it still stabbed me in the back!
i watched anime whilst eating it
im fed up of being tired, aching and stomach ache
im quite grouchy and i dont think its any wonder really
im stuck what to do with my evening
im so tired and i ache
im gonna try motivate myself to draw
but my drawing is crap lately so im finding it hard to motivate myself to finish it
i want to get it done for xmas tho
tomorrow got nothing planned
i bet i wont see mia
the weather and temperature is suppose to be better so i may take myself off somewhere
find somewhere that does good hot chocolate
were gonna get the christmas decorations out the roof so i can decorate the living room on monday i cant wait to finally get them up!
Evening
I only woke up twice last night and stayed in bed the whole night
so wasnt too bad
but my god i ached this morning after going for a cold walk yesterday and going yoga
yoga she had us doing bloody press ups so no wonder i ache
karen pushes and pushes
so yeah this morning i ached and was grouchy to be honest
id got work in the afternoon but felt i still felt i wanted to do something
so after showering me and mum went to tk maxx for a browse
i picked up two eye shadows both reduced from £3.99 to 60p!!
i love my bargains~
and we got hot chocolate too
then i came home at 11:15am and had my first brew of the day
my stomach has been bad today so i had a hot chocolate before i left for work
work i felt anxious about as i havent been to that school before
but knew it was in a high end area so i was hoping the children were gonna be alright
the school was a lil stuck up and the staff didnt really interact with me
the kids were fine tho
very easy money to be honest but it was just dull i just dont enjoy it
i ran to my car to try and beat every one else as it was bugger to get in and out of that area and road, i was lucky to get parked up in the first place if im honest
and i told mia i would be home for 4pm and i was actually home for 3:50! i had made seriously good time so i was able to get changed before she came over
we had a brew
she talked with me and mum then mum left us and my brother joined us
so it was nice that she was able to see my family as we've known each other since we were 4 so were comfortable round each other's families and she hasnt seen mine for a while
then we did 4 songs on just dance first time ive played with her on it
shes good as i expected
there just wasnt a lot of room for us both to play so i was more reserved simply cus i didnt want to whack her with my wii remote!
we said we could maybe meet sunday but if not it will be friday for present swapping
but im wondering if to invite her to yoga on thursday as karen is doing her christmas yoga routine which is becoming tradition and shes giving out chocolate too
and im sure mia would enjoy both
its actually mia and robs 9th anniversary today can you believe
well impressed with them both
i had dinner and a piece of cake afterwards
got such stomach pains tho
im not eating anymore of the cake tho ive had some and im good with that so i will watch everyone else eat it over the coming days, mum made cookies this week and i didnt have any of those so i have been good and its friday i felt i deserved a sliver of cake
just sick of stomach pains and feeling sick
tomorrow
got nothing planned apart from hair cut at 1:15pm
finally having a tidy up
its long over due it feels like
anyway ive done the card for my hairdresser now so yeah i hope she likes it
i saw a picture on line and drew a similar version
im hoping i find something to do tomorrow
might do some art
i would like to find the energy for a run before my hair cut
so fingers crossed as i havent been for a run in over 2 weeks
its also been i think a week since i did any japanese
just not been in the mood for anything i think cus im so damn tired all the time
I didn't blog yesterday as I simply ran out of time!
I actually stayed in my bed all night
but I was awake during the night
I havent slept properly for quite some time!
My morning at school was a bit slow
I was in year 3 and it was a rowdy class and the teacher had me
marking exam papers really so it was easy
In the afternoon me and mum went to a garden centre, walked through a park and then went for a hot drink so that was quite nice even if it was boltic outside
i got some boots for £2 from charity shop also which im using for work
cus for £2 doesnt matter if they get wrecked!
In the evening I went to Tara's house
yes I actually saw Tara!
turns out she'd had to stay late for a meeting at work
so james let me in and i sat talking to him for a while which was fine
as hes easy to talk to
tara's christmas tree was pretty as usual
we exchanged christmas presents
and had a bit of a catch up too
but wasnt for that long as i had to get back for food and ready for school
we've booked a date in of 6th january to meet at hers to make waffles and play just dance
Today Ive been up since 3am
yup I am tired
I was aching a lot but I wonder if its because I spent a lot of yesterday cold
and cold makes me ache and aches is what keeps me up in the night
I also felt quite unwell
my brother has felt unwell past day or so and i sweat he's passed it on to me
so i felt quite rotten but still i attended school
before school i managed to get the girls out and i noticed maisie was really mardy
like just squeaking over the smallest of stuff so i knew she wasnt happy
my school morning
i kid you not i spent like the whole time marking papers
but i was glad in a way as it meant i could sit down the whole time
and my legs felt shaky
then i came home at lunch time~
we went to give maisie
her medication today and she was really unhappy like having a massive paddy over it
she was almost leaping off us like a protest
and we went to take her back to her hutch to calm down and she kinda just collapsed
she was still conscious but it was like she had just given up
millie went over to lick her ear
so mum scooped maisie up and said "she needs to go vets"
i felt like death so my mum and brother went
my brother is very well bonded to maisie
i laid on my bed whilst they went, trying to catch up on sleep but failed as all i could think about was maisie really
mum and brother were not long at all
maisie had passed away
they were seen to quickly and the vet took maisie from mum
and later came out and said that upon examining maisie she just died in the vets hands
her breathing wasnt good and i think she was that stressed and had had enough that her heart just packed up. she was given oxygen but she'd gone
it was very fast and probably for the best
so we've lost another pig to respiratory infection
mum and brother brought maisie home and dad buried her
so poor maymay we've lost her
it feels like such a shock like it hasnt quite sunk in
i havent cried once
still got millie and alice tho
millie really liked maisie
my brother is quite heart broken he loved maisie such a lot
we've had maisie since december 7th last year
so strange how we've had just over a year and she leaves us
she was rescued from a neglected home
so this last year she has truly been spoiled and loved she has had a fantastic year
what a way to spend you last year
she was happy and we had tried for her
nothing more we could have done
she will be missed
tomorrow
im bloody hoping i sleep and feel better in the morning
im not sure how to pass the morning yet apparently its suppose to be real cold tomorrow
so thats me reluctant to go out
after lunch im at a school 20mins away never been to it before
looks a bugger to park up for too
just in the foundation class for 2 and half hours
then when i come home think mia is coming over for a quick catch up
Evening
Didnt sleep too badly
woke up at midnight for a massive wee then fell asleep after half hour or so
then woke up at 6am and been awake since as my god did I need to get up 6am
felt crippled, so I sat down stairs with my kindle and cereal
Took me ages to get going this morning
I was so stiff and tired for some reason
and it was hard to find the motivation to get going
but at 9:30am I grabbed my ipod and went for over an hours walk!
i was so slow at first but got going after half hour
it was chilly this morning and i hoped the walk would get me awake and motivated
id gone out the house without brushing my hair
cus sod it the hat and scarf cover it any how
i came home and put pigs out and went for a shower
when i came out i looked for jobs but couldnt find much
there was one for a cafe you had to take a CV physically into like the good old days
then another school one online
so i sat and did the online form took ages as they usually do
i had my hot chocolate for lunch and sat watching an episode of anime
then at 2pm me and mum went food shopping
i dropped my CV in too
got home had a drink and went to psychology
which i feel was a waste of time
he doesnt think i need medicating as he thinks i just need to accept myself more and stop being so hard on myself. also he looked at my notes from over the year from when i was on anti-depressants and to be honest things werent that much better when i was on them! and he was kinda hinting that it would be better to stay away from medication if i can
i came back and had dinner
which only gave me stomach acid i didnt get too much pain thank god
i did some drawing after dinner
drawing a christmas card for my hair dresser as i usually do her a card and realised i forgot to do her one and im seeing her on saturday!
mia rang me up to announce that helina is pregnant so we talked about that
i dont see helina anymore but still
i made this for rob to give to his secret santa
he'd requested id make it and gave a fiver for doing it
think it looks ok
tomorrow i have got work at a school 10mins away just for the morning
yay morning only work!!
its in year 3 so a decent age
but last time i was in that class i got lumbered with the special needs kids and i told agency this but they seem to think its down for being just classroom assistant not one to one
but theyve been wrong 100 times before so im not holding my breath
im there thursday also
i should be seeing tara in the evening tomorrow
but we will see
not seen her since september would you believe
