done 10 hours now

 Evening

I went over to jack's again at 8:45pm after I had put Oz to bed

we didnt do a lot, we talked with Theo for a bit which made me laugh

I played pokemon on my switch in jack's bed

he wasnt in the mood for pokemon so read on his phone, i didnt mind what he did really its just nice having him next to me. We called it a night at 11pm

i struggled to get off and once i did i had to get up for huge wee at like 2am

i did get back off to sleep, jack was awake and said we could get up if i needed to 

but i did - surprisingly - get back off to sleep and fast too!

i woke up 5mins before the alarm went off so i got up, turned the alarm off and left Jack there instead of giving him a cuddle in bed. I thought id give him more sleep as i went for a shower. He was grateful ^^

we got to work again for 9am

no one was in the car park was dead

i worked on display stuff and talked with chris and jack. Chris gave us cookies to share :3

i pulled a display down - one that had been up 6 years

it was seriously bad so i cant wait to do it up

we had lunch and luke and hannah showed up

we talked about houses, hannah has now got her house but she hasnt moved into it yet, luke is moving on friday hopefully. everyone is ahead of us! but did start wayyyy before us. so it will be us moving soon im sure ^^ everyone is impressed we have a bungalow no one has said anything negative like "arent they for old people?" which is what i initially worried about

i left at 1:50pm i had finished everything and achieved another 5 hours on my time sheet~

jack was going with chris for a pint or 5 after work so i left him there

going in again next week to put all the stuff back that got tested this week and to repot my plants

i came home and had a brew with mum and Oz, heavily dosed myself up and went to bed!

i got up and did 40mins of dancing. i was dripping but felt good actually

i am working on moving my  body more, trying to be more fluid and having control over my muscles instead of flinging myself around XD

i had a much needed shower then dinner and then caught up online as i havent had chance to use my laptop much over the last few days

tomorrow

tomorrow i think jack is seeing his friends, well i told him to. he was happy to skip out on them and see me but i told him to see them. were gonna be living together soon he might as well make the most of the time he has with his friends before hes bogged down with doing the house up!

so i have decided to clean my wardrobe out as i struggle to shut the doors now...

also my room needs a dust so i will do that too

so just chore for me tomorrow and the usual exercise -___- fun day ahead

but needed

i have loads to chuck out as i dont want to be taking it to the bungalow - no point

actually feeling good

 Evening

I went over to jack's around 8:30pm last night after I had sat with Oz and put him to bed

Jack had got harvey over and he said they were playing the most boring game of Monopoly ever XD well Monopoly is boring as board games go. 

I did a few things whilst he played with them but then he got up and said he had enough and wanted to spend time with me, harvey left shortly afterwards

i could tell stuff was bothering Jack tho so i got him to talk about it

and he had spent 90mins reading about the new health safety of science cus of Covid

and yeah he was bogged down with it all so i talked him through it all

and he did seem better about it all 

we then had hot chocolates and played pokemon, i stopped playing at 10:45pm and told him he could keep playing but i was tired

i got comfy too, which is pretty damn hard for me to achieve

i fell asleep, jack didnt turn off the lamp til gone past midnight he told me in the morning, I woke up to the sound of the alarm at 7:30am

not only had i slept through the night, i woke up feeling....good

i know that sounds strange, but its massive to me

every morning i wake up feeling like im recovering from being in a car accident, i feel sick and drained and tired. every. single. damn. morning

this morning wasnt like that

i felt light, i didnt hurt as much - almost like i had already taken my pain relief

and i felt good for sleep and like i actually had energy

very rare indeed and felt like celebrating it

i got up and had a shower then i motivated my non-morning-person boyfriend

we left at 8:40am for school

i coped fine with school

i did a fair bit actually

we took a flask of tea we could sit with and we took soup for lunch

we stayed til 2pm so we could put down 5 hours on our time sheet

we saw chris and he asked jack if he was in tomorrow and if he was did he want to go for a drink after work. So jack obviously leapt at this, i told him i would come to work too

he said "oh you dont need to"

i said "im not coming for you, im coming to put another 5 hours on my time sheet and to see how my body copes with doing 2 days at work"

we came away, had a very quick rest at jacks then i left as he had a driving lesson

i came home saw my Ozwald

went for a walk with mum, did 35mins of yoga

so im quite done in now!

im about to go sit with my Ozwald, put him to bed then go jacks

and then i will go to work again and come home when i finish at 2pm, jack is going pub XD

then i wont see him til ether saturday night or sunday morning 

so i will have time to myself to catch up as i havent done much for myself!

going to work tomorrow

 Evening

I picked jack up yesterday around 10:45am

we went round a town and picked a few things up and did a walk

then we got back and made a soup from scratch

then went round the city centre cus we needed a few bits

came back and rested with a brew cus my god my mood went haywire

i felt angry, aggressive and like i could enjoy a good fight

god knows where it came from, jack asked "have you had your medication today?" XD

i told him i had and that i wasnt angry with him or anything

but by time he made me a brew and brought over some biscuits

i chilled out to my usual self

we made dinner and talked with theo then jack desired something salty so we popped to the shops for a bag of crisps XD

we played pokemon together on his bed which was nice

that night tho i couldnt sleep

jack had decided to put ear phones in to go to sleep with

so when he said "wake me if you cant sleep" it did make things hard

i didnt want to make him jump as he was clearly sleeping

i stroked his arm, his back, his side. nothing worked over a few minutes

i moved on the bed and got off the bed and he still didnt stir so i left him

i played pokemon upstairs by myself til 1am

i did manage to sleep after that but didnt want to wake up this morning

i got up at 7:30am

jack said he had a strange dream of going to his mum's but didnt know why he had gone there so came back and there was a different USB on his desk when he got back....

....

my god his dreams are boring

i said my dream was 'sitting on a double decker bus and watching people's gardens go by who all designed them to a tribute of the dead. I went down to see the driver - which was granny i asked her "how come youre driving a bus!?" and a thin pale man came up to me and said "this bus is for the dead only...but we can soon change that" he had a scalpel as his weapon, it was what he had used to end his own life. so he was cutting me everywhere and i couldnt hurt him as he was a ghost. I decided the only way i could stop him was to become a vengeful spirit so i somehow took my own life and became a ghost and chased after him by going through buildings etc'

jack said "....yeah your dreams are weird"

i said "are they weird or are yours just incredibly boring?"  

 I got up and ran a bath

enjoyed that, and we were out for 8:50am

to meet theo (who had been to the gym) and Pudding Pantry

an amazing pudding place!

my jaw was and still is very painful

so i needed something easy to eat. jack wouldnt let me have ice cream for breakfast tho XD

i had pancakes but ate 3 out of 4 and gave one to theo

as jack had ordered a massive breakfast that he finished but felt incredibly full afterwards

we went back to his flat and crashed on his bed

he needed to digest and i needed sleep

i didnt bother eating lunch just had a cup of tea then i came home

saw my Ozwald who decided to snore on the sofa X3

did 30mins of yoga and 30 mins of dance and actually felt better for it all

i dont  mind working out if i feel better for it

its just annoying when i try so hard and dont get anything from it

showered and sat with Oz again

i will sit with him one more time then go jacks

i sorted out some crap as well, as its got to be done at some point

when i move out i have it all to sort after all :/ 

ordered a few vitamins online to take, started taking them a while ago and i do think they have helped actually so im keen to keep with them

tonight i am going over to jack's

he has got harvey over and theyre gonna play pokemon and order takeaway

so hopefully i will see harvey

then tomorrow ugh tomorrow im going to work >.> 

suppose i had to go sooner than later 

we are going to get stuff out for PAT testing and just tidy up a bit 

to be honest im not even 100% sure i will be doing tomorrow but i have 37 hours to do out of my normal hours and i gotta start them at some point ><

i will go back to jacks for a brew then i can come home and see Ozwald

about it really~

Just another monday

 Evening

to say i didnt sleep during the day, i could not sleep at night

how unfair is that >.> it was raining and cool so i should have been able to get off no problem

but noooo

to be honest i was cold, my toes were like ice cubes i couldnt feel them

i got up and went downstairs for a bit, had some cereal 2 bowls as i was hungry cus i didnt eat much dinner, i started doing the pokemon league as well. went to bed at 1am

slept from there and woke up at 8:30am

this morning i did some yoga and then went for a walk

i would have danced but dad delayed himself going to work to fix a plumping issue in the house and looking at a neighbours car engine

so i couldnt really dance

the walk took and hour and i was sweating afterwards

i came in and mum was home so we had a brew

i bleached my eyebrows they now match my hair XD proper blond haha

and had a shower and then a tea cake for lunch

i can eat a lot better today i just still have pain going down my jaw but i can clamp it together without agonising pain, so its getting there

i fell asleep as i had dosed myself quite heavily as i wasnt in the mood for pain today

woke up and sat with Oz in front of the fan, it wasnt massively hot but the sun was on his hutch and he just loves sitting in front of that fan

i was looking at interior design really on my laptop and ideas of what to paint on my nails tonight

had dinner then died of stomach pains for over an hour. just really really hurt

think theres something wrong with my stomach to be honest but im not going to the doctors unless i am dying. 

im gonna do my nails tonight :) 

tomorrow me and jack are going into a town, we were originally going to go to the bank there and set up a joint account but when i rang the bank today to enquire they said i didnt need to go in branch i could do it all over the phone or online so yeah thats gonna make life easier

but think we will still go to the town as its something to do and we can incorporate a walk into it too

not sure what we're doing the rest of the day to be honest but im staying over at his 

i'll be back wednesday afternoon

hopefully Oz wont pine too much 

probably wont sleep tonight given how much i have slept during the day today...woops

been 18 months

 Evening

I went over to Jack's around 8pm last night

he had been out drinking - heavily - the night before so I wasnt in a rush to head over

as i knew he wouldnt be in a good way XD

When i saw him, he was really dark under the eyes and looked rough

he had been up til 5am, drunk half a bottle of vodka, few gins, few ciders 

and hes hasnt been drinking for months

think it hit him quite hard

he also did something very very stupid which he told me not to 'freak out' about before he told me

basically in his drunken state he decided to try and climb his balcony from the pavement

i cant even touch his balcony from the pavement and hes not that much taller than me

so it was just stupid

and i could tell he must have been incredibly drunk to try this as its not safe and goes against his very nature to do unsafe acts

he had tried, failed, and rolled onto the pavement in his shorts and t-shirt

so he grazed his hands and got deep grazes on his knee caps that are now starting to bruise also

i was not impressed and didnt shout at him or anything but i did say once he lifted his shorts up to show the evidence

"ok jack and now what if i had done that?"

he said "yeah....i wouldnt have been very happy. probably how youre feeling now"

i said "we're suppose to moving out soon, what would have happened if you had broke your leg? you wouldnt be much help to me would you"

he said "i know, yeah youre right. it was stupid. i know"

i thought 'im so having this' XD

"and what would have happened if you had hit your head and ended up in hospital and i had found out you were in hospital?"

he hugged me and apologised for like the thousandth time

in all honesty i wasnt mad, i just thought he'd been an idiot and was glad he was alright

theo came in with his work friend and we sat talking for a bit

then he left and i went on jack's bed

did my tens machine and just rested really

took me til about midnight to actually sleep cus i was struggling to get comfy but once i was actually asleep i did sleep through til 8:30am

i got jack up which was a real effort XD

today marks our 18 month anniversary - feels so much longer 0.0

we had breakfast which was cereal and i managed it with my dodgey jaw

i had a bath, and my god was it a hot bath, my skin glew pink~~~~

i felt dizzy in the bath and my heart felt like it was pounding out my chest

but the pain of literally cooking my skin was a welcome change to my usual pain

psychotic i know, as i was essentially poaching my skin XD

i didnt feel good so knew i should get out, i shouted jack cus he told me to get him if im dizzy in the bath so i dont faint when getting out (he worries too much)

but he had the fan on in the bedroom so he couldnt hear me

so i got out slowly but my god my vision was blurring so i quickly made it into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed jack was like "you ok!? whats up?" i said "hot jack and very dizzy"

he said "you should have said"

i said "i shouted but you couldnt hear"

he looked so sad and guilty XD

we went round the shops as its his younger sister's 15th birthday today

and jack being jack, forgot

so once again i was helping him get bday presents 

i know she loves make-up and beauty and korean stuff

so i told him TK MAXX usually has korean face sheets in

we managed to get korean face sheets, lip masks, and shoulder massage pad things

i think she will really like those presents

i was dead happy as we found a glass pumpkin in there and we've brought it for the kitchen windowsil for the bungalow, i think its beautiful but then i do have a fetish for pumpkins

halloween stuff is starting to come in and i LOVE it ^^

we came back and had soup which i was grateful of- needs very little chewing XD

after lunch we sorted out surveyors 

jack gave them all the details and paid almost £500 for it all ><

he insisted tho as ive been paying for the stuff for the house lately

then we sorted out jacks wardrobe well his clothes really as so many are from his uni days - 10 years ago, and so are faded, rough, have holes in

and it annoys me -____- dresses likes a 40 year old man - his friends words not mine XD

so we threw out 2 bin liners full of clothes and a big carrier bag of underwear

he has been buying clothes since hes been with me so he could afford to throw some away

its all less to pack up and unpack when he does move

i know i have stuff to sort out

he says he has other stuff to sort out

he treated me to ice cream which was cookies and cream flavour

it was sooo good but made me cold

i came home cus i have to cus of Ozwald

got to keep him happy

also its raining today so he cant play out 

my god actual rain!

hopefully tonight it will be easier to sleep

think im seeing jack on tuesday next

we're hoping to make a joint bank account

tomorrow probably exercise

i have a craft idea in mind but unsure if i have the stuff to actually do it

Lolita christmas bows

 Evening

I had a bad night

woke up at 11:30pm, so I couldnt have been asleep for long...couldnt sleep so i had to get up but i usually have cereal in the night, cus of my jaw i did struggle to eat them to be honest so i didnt enjoy them cus it was a real effort to actually eat them. After returning to bed i woke up literally every hour

so i felt knackered this morning when i got up at 7:30am

me and mum did an hour's walk which was hard work to be honest

i came back and did 15mins of yoga but couldnt face doing much else so had a shower

i hadnt had breakfast as i couldnt face more pain but i did try to eat a bit of cereal when i came in

i had left over pasta bake for lunch, which wasnt too bad as the pasta had gone quite soft 

i slept this afternoon, i had had enough of being in pain

its just been so relentless lately

i was reduced to silent tears today cus i couldnt cope any longer

and what with my jaw

i had soup for dinner and tried breaking up tiny bits of bread and putting it in the soup to go soft and soggy and i just about managed that

ive been with my lad as well

he is happy and sat with truffle today, she really likes him XD

i got my bows made for the christmas i will eventually buy XD

they have wire on the back so i can tie them to the tree that way

but i think they look ok

certainly cheaper than buying them, i just sat making them whilst watching jpop dances on youtube

then i sat working on a halloween background on photoshop, i have an idea of a picture i want to do but its whether or not im good enough to do it!

tonight i should be going over to jack's but to be honest i havent heard from him for a few hours. he didnt go to bed til 5am as he was out drinking then today hes been out with friend's as harvey got his house keys yesterday on his birthday so they went to go look at his house

i havent heard from jack since 2pm so im not sure if hes fell asleep from a long night and a busy day

im not too fussed ether way i just dont like being home on sundays

i hope my jaw rights it's self soon -____-

im gonna go have a warm shower and massage it with a face roller~

Oz in front of the fan

 Evening~

I got to sleep pretty fast but woke up at 12:30 and tossed and turned trying to get to sleep, i started scratching myself so by 2am i decided to get up before i savage my skin

i stayed up for an hour, played some pokemon and did the last gym

this morning me and mum went to tk maxx

i got some leggings for work and fleece joggers for the winter ^^ mum got a few bits too so it was worth going, then we came home. i went to bed i had had enough of being in pain and it was only 11am...

i got up and made a couple of cute bows for the christmas tree

i looked into getting a sheet of glass cut for the magazine table i did, to keep it covered and safe. I was quoted £62....wow thats more than actual table! so i dont think i will be doing that any time soon...

ive had Oz in as well it wasnt that hot today but i still let him sit in front of the fan as i know he enjoys it so i took photos on mums phone of him happily sitting there

tara told me shes brought a new baby bunny and i saw a photo hes so cute, white and black and called Jasper, hes only 8 weeks old X3 i really wanna see him!

I went for a walk with mum which was hard work as the sun had come out

i did 30mins of yoga and 10mins of dance

i was done at that point and had a shower and got pyjamas on

i have struggled today as my jaw has come out of its alignment  

i still have full use of it but it hurts to open and close and to apply any pressure for example eating. i have a permanent ache in the joint and going down my face

last time it did this i had to go to a chiropractor and have it put back in and the relief was instant

im hoping it pops back into alignment soon as its another pain to deal with but makes eating hard work. it does this every now again. dont know how i get it out of place and its been cracking a lot so its not right :/ fed up

im fed up being in pain and taking so much pain relief. it sucks

tomorrow not sure what im doing

jack says theres an event at the park near him if i wanna go

but i will see how i feel to be honest