Saw Karen, and my worries about Oz

 Evening

I was happily sat downstairs with Oz last night - my usually evening routine, when my dad piped up

"why you are home tonight? Why hasnt Jack got you?" (Like im some sort pet or child) -___-

mum responds before I could "he's on the piss"

dad "good one Jack, all is forgiven" XD

thats where i stand on the matter, a trouble to my parents but Jack's drinking is supported XD

It took a while to drop off last night but I got there

apart from waking up at 4am feeling sick and needing a wee so I got up and I had a hot chocolate and some pain killers and went back to bed where I slept til about 8am

This morning felt weird, getting up and getting ready - not doing my morning exercises

me and mum were meeting Karen, I drove me and mum to a garden centre where we met Karen at 10:30am, it was soooo good to finally see her and she looks soooo well ^^ he hair is really growing back from her cancer, she looks healthier than me, how depressing is my life XD a recovering cancer patient has more radiance and glow than me!

but we sat and chatted for 2 hours, i was struggling to sit after a while

we had earl grey tea and a scone which was the best scone i have had in a long time

so we left and came home and I had lunch then i rested on my bed as i had taken a good dose

when I got up I motivated myself to go for a walk, i wanted to, but it looked a bit chilly out there!

still i walked for an hour i was sweaty afterwards 

i came in and had a brew with my Oz 

then i looked into what i could get Tara for her birthday on the 11th September

shes established and doesnt need or want anything, i didnt want to ask what she wanted, as i never like asking people what they want, i prefer to give them a total surprise. Only this month did she get a baby bunny who looks very cute and sounds very sweet natured and i can tell shes very happy with him as her current bunny is very grouchy and doesnt appreciate fuss. So I  brought her a bunny bundle online and asked for it to be sent to her house instead of mine then i havent got to go over and give it to her. She extremely protective of James during this virus as he was born with only 1 lung so hes vulnerable, so i havent seen her since february. which is fair enough. 

I then set about making her a birthday card, I water coloured Jasper, looks cute ^^ I will take a photo tomorrow

then I did 40mins of yoga, i was done in afterwards

Had dinner, and did my diary

gonna have a shower and sit with Ozwald

I have my concerns about Oz

basically for a while now like since maybe last year I have been saying his joints arent right, and lately i can tell if he hasnt moved for a while, he sits like hes holding himself as if hes got stomach ache or something. and when i move him like from his cage to the grass, hes always stiff and has to stretch to get himself going. when i carry him i can tell he isnt comfortable. this week i have noticed it really bad. and its because we have had cold damp weather which affects joints. this morning i put him on the bedding plants - soft - and his back leg gave way and then it took him 3 hops to get the leg moving again it was horrible to watch and i had put him down carefully. he hopped onto the bench today and sat on it ages, but then started pacing up and down and i said to mum "what is he doing?"

mum said "wonder if he cant get back down?" now we know he can we've seen him do it hundreds of times, but with his joints this week, maybe it would hurt him to get back down onto the wooden decking? so i went out to him quickly but he already made the jump. So im a bit stressed about it to be honest. as I looked into rabbit arthritis and basically all that can be done is pain relief thats it. it doesnt help that he is a bit over weight but not dramatically but it still doesnt help. i do watch what i give him now days tho. i dont really want to dose my rabbit up every day, hes only 3. but i guess i will have to if hes in pain but i think its cus its getting colder. 

i talked to mum about it. and i said i was planning on taking him to the vets during october for his yearly vaccinations so i could ask then about it. but i said "maybe he needs an indoor cage?" she said "well you have plenty of room in your bungalow, a spare bedroom in fact"

this is true

so i plan on talking to jack about this, how he feels about Oz being an resident in the house 

i would need to buy an indoor cage but i was planning on buying a new hutch anyway so thats no hardship really. i have never had an indoor bunny in the 15 years of owning a rabbit. to be honest i think jack will be totally cool with it. and Oz will only sleep indoors he will still play outside when he can :)

i just want what is best for him, and for him to go without pain killers for as long as possible as he might really need them in later life.

Tomorrow

mia mentioned on friday if i wanted to meet up on monday but im unsure if she realised it is bank holiday - rob will be off work - so im not sure if we are still meeting up

ether way i decided i want to try putting semi-permanent lilac hair dye streaks in my hair

never done it before i fancied the challenge and a change

and then at some point i will see jack as i am sleeping over at his as unfortunately i have school on tuesday!!!  ugh freedom almost over

2 more pokemon terrariums

 Evening

I couldnt get off to sleep last night despite playing okami in bed

so i got up a til 12:30 and then went to try again

and i did sleep then til 7am

i went for a walk with mum for 45mins then did 40mins of yoga

i was feeling a lil dead after massage to be honest

then i had a shower

then my day has consisted of sitting with Oz, doing my ebay stuff and resting

pretty much my day

had no idea how time consuming the ebay stuff would be but i hope it will be worth it

i have said that what i earn i will put towards a dressing table for the bungalow ^^

Jack is out drinking again tonight

i hope he will be safe

here is my new pokemon terrariums

my brother kindly did the the photography

im pleased with them, they are with the rest of my plants on the windowsill

tomorrow think me and mum are meeting karen finally

meeting her for a brew in a cafe ^^ should be nice

then i will come home and maybe finally do some drawing as i ran out of time and energy to draw today

 

17 things i gotta prep for selling...

 Evening

Look who slept ^^ Oh yeah what a victory~

always feels like a victory when i do actually sleep

this morning i went for a walk with mum

she doesnt walk as fast or as far as me but its still 45mins of walking

i came back and did 30mins of dancing then showered

i took photos of all the crap im selling later on in september

took me a fair while, then i had lunch with mum and i fell asleep i just felt like i couldnt keep my eyes open which is so annoying considering i did actually sleep last night

when I got up i had a brew with mum and Oz then played on Okami for a bit

then i had my massage

which was nice and needed

but afterwards i felt like really done in, my stomach was really off and now i am tired and headachy. not sure why it hit me that hard as i am usually ok

i have been typing up all the info for the selling stuff

took me ages

im selling 17 things! T^T

i have all those photos to edit as well! and theres like 3 to 4 of each item!

gonna take me ages >< but it will be worth it as i will just literally be able to cut and paste the lot!

tomorrow i will exercise then edit photos

then unsure after that really

Mole display

 Evening

I was once again over at Jack's last night

Harvey was over and the 4 of us sat talking about houses and stuff as he is moving out on Saturday! 

Then we had left me and Jack played Okami in bed

I decided to call it a night at 11pm

struggled to get to sleep to tried to wake Jack but he was well off so I left him and tried to sleep once again and did get off to sleep, but woke up annoyingly for a wee then got off to sleep again

but then at 4am some stupid woman - drunk - was outside the bedroom window, talking/shouting on her phone, kicking the railings infront of jack's bedroom window so it made a hell of a racket and woke us both us, jack got up and drew the curtains to look at her or i think shout at her but she staggered down the street. absoultely selfish woman, thanks to her i was awake and aching so we both got up and i took some pain killers and had a brew then after half hour we went to bed

to be woken up at 6am by the city bin men -______-

all in all i was quite tired when I got up at 7:15am >.>

not how i wanted to start a work day

we got to work and we saw head of science, i told him me and jack had brought a bungalow together he asked where we are gonna be living and i told him its like 3 mins from where i am now. He asked what high school i went to and i told him and he was like "no way! thats where i went!" small world that it is. turns out when i started the school at a year 7 he was in year 11 and head boy! small world...

i finished my display

here's my work on the mole. Literally did it all. Well jack gives me the information and I run with it. Cus i have no idea on the science behind it all XD Im just good at the art and design

got praised by head of science for it ^^

I re-potted my plants so they all look much better for some TLC

and I potted my two new baby cacti, i will take a photo as theyre cute X3

Then i helped jack with admin stuff, which we got finished on time luckily as i was ready to go home as i was shattered!

I dropped him off at the flat then continued on home, drugged myself up had a piece of the guinea cake with Ozwald and went to bed for a bit and felt so much better for a sleep

when i got up i did 40mins of yoga

felt so much better for doing that it made so many joints click! i wanted to do a walk also but it has not stopped raining and im not in the mood to get cold and wet so i will do some dance practice in my room in a minute and then shower and then see Oz then my own quiet comfy bed ^^

tomorrow I have 1 job left to do

and i will do my exercises and then at 4pm I have a massage which i can not wait for!

Tillie Truffle 1st Birthday!

 Konbanwa~~

I couldnt sleep last night no matter how hard I tried

so i went downstairs for more medication and cereal 

i went to bed, found jack's jacket on the back of my chair and slept with that next to me in bed

it smelled like him ^^

I got up at 7:30am

and from there I dont think I stopped really

I cleaned the pets out, including the girls cage - mum actually let me do for a change XD

then I did 30mins of dancing, had a shower

then I cut truffle's fur she was so good :3

i cleared out the 2 draws i had been putting off so i have officially cleared out all the crap out of my room now!

we then bathed the piglets so theyre all soft and fluffy

then I made soup from scratch and sat down at 1pm

think that was the only time i did get to sit! I was shattered after all that

all that piggie maintenence!

but it is Truffle and Tillie's first birthday today! bless them, finally 1

they are totally full grown pigs now

Truffle still runs round like a new born piggie and Tillie is only interested in filling her bottomless stomach....XD Molly still sorts them out and they still turn to her which is sweet

mum made them a cake whilst i had a quick nap

i love how truffle started smelling the cake X3

then we sat with them in the living room with Oz

we went for a walk as well

then i dusted my bedroom

ahhhh Jo is done ><

I've had a 2nd shower and about to sit with Oz and then go to jack's as we are going school tomorrow for another 5 hours i think

should be fine, im repotting my plants and finishing a display off so  i shouldnt be too boring!

then i will probably go back to jacks for a rest then come home, then I dont think i am seeing him til monday as he has stuff going off over the weekend...drinking again XD i stay out of it so he can enjoy himself without worrying about me

i just have 1 more job i need to be before school starts on tuesday so i will be able to get that done over the weekend at least

right i shall go round in my bunny

Pumpkins!

 Yo~

Didnt get time yesterday on my laptop!

sunday night i was over at jack's, expecting to have time to myself as he was suppose to be doing online gaming but it was cancelled so i was blessed with his company for a change on a sunday! so we watched an anime film i have had since like february - Wolf Children. it was an easy sedate film to watch then we both played Okami in bed it was really nice

yesterday started good, I woke up with Jack and we went Pudding Pantry at 9am

I had beans on toast with cheese, jack had a full english

we went back to the flat and I had a bath then we gave each other a massage, he did my back and my legs I did his legs and hands. 

We then had a walk down the canal which leads to a home store and my god there was so much halloween stuff!!!!!! every year they have really unusual halloween stuff so i couldnt get in the store quick enough as soon as i saw the pumpkins through the window

Jack insisted we got one, its a purple velvet pumpkin door stop and so i took a photo of it next to my purchase last week of a glass pumpkin -

arent they beautiful i mean seriously they are beautiful

i LOVE pumpkins, true pumpkin love and fetish im afraid

beautiful

but i know i cant have a pumpkin bungalow XD

funny how mine and jack's favourite colour is orange tho

although he doesnt have the fetish i do XD

we came back, slowly

for some reason i was having a bad flare up of my joints so i was literally walking like an old person i was in so much pain it was like there was no cartilage between my knee joints and my hip joints. like they were grinding. but i have had an Xray and my joints are fine so i know they arent grinding but my god the pain. so i was late coming home as i literally wasnt fit for walking or driving

i got home saw my lad, had dinner and went over to jack's in the evening!

i was shattered. 

I got there and theo decided he was going to use hair removal on his chest

so we watched that entertainment XD then played okami in bed

this morning i got up at 7:30am

and got ready to go to school cus yeah jack decided he wanted to go into school 

so we did another 5 hours 

it was alright but the school is a ghost town theres no one in its dead weird

we got back to jack's and my joints were just starting to hurt me so i was shattered and in pain. 

i fell asleep on his bed and then woke up and had a brew with him and came home for Oz

i sat with him then did 40mins of Yoga which was alright

had dinner and a shower and now im finally on my laptop

not seeing jack til tomorrow night as were going into work on thursday again -___-

so tomorrow i will exercise and get some of my jobs done~ 

clearing out A LOT of crap

 Evening

I got to sleep pretty fast after playing pokemon downstairs for a bit before bed

but i woke up needing a wee -___- i went back to bed hoping id be able to fall back to sleep

and i did! what a victory!! X3

This morning it was really windy

Oz kept looking up at the shed door, so mum opened it up just for him XD

he remained there for some hours, hes found some old sheets to sit on, so hes comfy >.>

i went for a hour long walk which was good and helped with the usual aches

then I had a quick rest and then did 25mins of dance

i was dripping so had a shower

had some lunch and then fell asleep on my bed for a bit

when I woke up i knew i couldnt put it off any more...

my wardrobe was in need of a clear out as i was struggling to shut it

hell it didnt shut anymore -_____-

so i sat sorting through endless underwear, thousands of pairs of joggers and just stuff i dont wear anymore. It made 5 bin bags full which i took down the donation bin with mum

i have since had dinner and sorted out a few draws and thrown out yet more stuff 0.0

my god just so much tat but my wardrobe functions as a wardrobe now! and my draws are tidier.

i dont think i have much more to sort out in my room to be honest

its all helped anyway for when i do eventually move out

i rescued Oz from outside as it keeps randomly pouring down with rain today its really annoying and Oz decided to sit out in it! I scooped him up and dried him off on the sofa then wrapped him up in my dressing gown and sat with him on the sofa, i spoil him and spend so much time just lazying around with him X3 hes the best

its now 8pm and im quite tired from doing all that

but im wondering if to start a new dance which is quite hard but might give it a go for 20mins or so now i have finished the Angerme one. need something new to learn!

tomorrow

should be seeing jack at some point but i have no idea when

i guess it depends on how much he drinks tonight but he has told me he doesnt want to drink a lot and have a repeat of last week as he would like to be alive and see me 

not sure what we could do tho as it just keeps raining really

i keep trying to think of stuff to do and never come up with anything

im staying over at his flat as theo is going home so it will be just the two of us ^^

monday morning we are going pudding pantry for breakfast :D

done 10 hours now

 Evening

I went over to jack's again at 8:45pm after I had put Oz to bed

we didnt do a lot, we talked with Theo for a bit which made me laugh

I played pokemon on my switch in jack's bed

he wasnt in the mood for pokemon so read on his phone, i didnt mind what he did really its just nice having him next to me. We called it a night at 11pm

i struggled to get off and once i did i had to get up for huge wee at like 2am

i did get back off to sleep, jack was awake and said we could get up if i needed to 

but i did - surprisingly - get back off to sleep and fast too!

i woke up 5mins before the alarm went off so i got up, turned the alarm off and left Jack there instead of giving him a cuddle in bed. I thought id give him more sleep as i went for a shower. He was grateful ^^

we got to work again for 9am

no one was in the car park was dead

i worked on display stuff and talked with chris and jack. Chris gave us cookies to share :3

i pulled a display down - one that had been up 6 years

it was seriously bad so i cant wait to do it up

we had lunch and luke and hannah showed up

we talked about houses, hannah has now got her house but she hasnt moved into it yet, luke is moving on friday hopefully. everyone is ahead of us! but did start wayyyy before us. so it will be us moving soon im sure ^^ everyone is impressed we have a bungalow no one has said anything negative like "arent they for old people?" which is what i initially worried about

i left at 1:50pm i had finished everything and achieved another 5 hours on my time sheet~

jack was going with chris for a pint or 5 after work so i left him there

going in again next week to put all the stuff back that got tested this week and to repot my plants

i came home and had a brew with mum and Oz, heavily dosed myself up and went to bed!

i got up and did 40mins of dancing. i was dripping but felt good actually

i am working on moving my  body more, trying to be more fluid and having control over my muscles instead of flinging myself around XD

i had a much needed shower then dinner and then caught up online as i havent had chance to use my laptop much over the last few days

tomorrow

tomorrow i think jack is seeing his friends, well i told him to. he was happy to skip out on them and see me but i told him to see them. were gonna be living together soon he might as well make the most of the time he has with his friends before hes bogged down with doing the house up!

so i have decided to clean my wardrobe out as i struggle to shut the doors now...

also my room needs a dust so i will do that too

so just chore for me tomorrow and the usual exercise -___- fun day ahead

but needed

i have loads to chuck out as i dont want to be taking it to the bungalow - no point

actually feeling good

 Evening

I went over to jack's around 8:30pm last night after I had sat with Oz and put him to bed

Jack had got harvey over and he said they were playing the most boring game of Monopoly ever XD well Monopoly is boring as board games go. 

I did a few things whilst he played with them but then he got up and said he had enough and wanted to spend time with me, harvey left shortly afterwards

i could tell stuff was bothering Jack tho so i got him to talk about it

and he had spent 90mins reading about the new health safety of science cus of Covid

and yeah he was bogged down with it all so i talked him through it all

and he did seem better about it all 

we then had hot chocolates and played pokemon, i stopped playing at 10:45pm and told him he could keep playing but i was tired

i got comfy too, which is pretty damn hard for me to achieve

i fell asleep, jack didnt turn off the lamp til gone past midnight he told me in the morning, I woke up to the sound of the alarm at 7:30am

not only had i slept through the night, i woke up feeling....good

i know that sounds strange, but its massive to me

every morning i wake up feeling like im recovering from being in a car accident, i feel sick and drained and tired. every. single. damn. morning

this morning wasnt like that

i felt light, i didnt hurt as much - almost like i had already taken my pain relief

and i felt good for sleep and like i actually had energy

very rare indeed and felt like celebrating it

i got up and had a shower then i motivated my non-morning-person boyfriend

we left at 8:40am for school

i coped fine with school

i did a fair bit actually

we took a flask of tea we could sit with and we took soup for lunch

we stayed til 2pm so we could put down 5 hours on our time sheet

we saw chris and he asked jack if he was in tomorrow and if he was did he want to go for a drink after work. So jack obviously leapt at this, i told him i would come to work too

he said "oh you dont need to"

i said "im not coming for you, im coming to put another 5 hours on my time sheet and to see how my body copes with doing 2 days at work"

we came away, had a very quick rest at jacks then i left as he had a driving lesson

i came home saw my Ozwald

went for a walk with mum, did 35mins of yoga

so im quite done in now!

im about to go sit with my Ozwald, put him to bed then go jacks

and then i will go to work again and come home when i finish at 2pm, jack is going pub XD

then i wont see him til ether saturday night or sunday morning 

so i will have time to myself to catch up as i havent done much for myself!

going to work tomorrow

 Evening

I picked jack up yesterday around 10:45am

we went round a town and picked a few things up and did a walk

then we got back and made a soup from scratch

then went round the city centre cus we needed a few bits

came back and rested with a brew cus my god my mood went haywire

i felt angry, aggressive and like i could enjoy a good fight

god knows where it came from, jack asked "have you had your medication today?" XD

i told him i had and that i wasnt angry with him or anything

but by time he made me a brew and brought over some biscuits

i chilled out to my usual self

we made dinner and talked with theo then jack desired something salty so we popped to the shops for a bag of crisps XD

we played pokemon together on his bed which was nice

that night tho i couldnt sleep

jack had decided to put ear phones in to go to sleep with

so when he said "wake me if you cant sleep" it did make things hard

i didnt want to make him jump as he was clearly sleeping

i stroked his arm, his back, his side. nothing worked over a few minutes

i moved on the bed and got off the bed and he still didnt stir so i left him

i played pokemon upstairs by myself til 1am

i did manage to sleep after that but didnt want to wake up this morning

i got up at 7:30am

jack said he had a strange dream of going to his mum's but didnt know why he had gone there so came back and there was a different USB on his desk when he got back....

....

my god his dreams are boring

i said my dream was 'sitting on a double decker bus and watching people's gardens go by who all designed them to a tribute of the dead. I went down to see the driver - which was granny i asked her "how come youre driving a bus!?" and a thin pale man came up to me and said "this bus is for the dead only...but we can soon change that" he had a scalpel as his weapon, it was what he had used to end his own life. so he was cutting me everywhere and i couldnt hurt him as he was a ghost. I decided the only way i could stop him was to become a vengeful spirit so i somehow took my own life and became a ghost and chased after him by going through buildings etc'

jack said "....yeah your dreams are weird"

i said "are they weird or are yours just incredibly boring?"  

 I got up and ran a bath

enjoyed that, and we were out for 8:50am

to meet theo (who had been to the gym) and Pudding Pantry

an amazing pudding place!

my jaw was and still is very painful

so i needed something easy to eat. jack wouldnt let me have ice cream for breakfast tho XD

i had pancakes but ate 3 out of 4 and gave one to theo

as jack had ordered a massive breakfast that he finished but felt incredibly full afterwards

we went back to his flat and crashed on his bed

he needed to digest and i needed sleep

i didnt bother eating lunch just had a cup of tea then i came home

saw my Ozwald who decided to snore on the sofa X3

did 30mins of yoga and 30 mins of dance and actually felt better for it all

i dont  mind working out if i feel better for it

its just annoying when i try so hard and dont get anything from it

showered and sat with Oz again

i will sit with him one more time then go jacks

i sorted out some crap as well, as its got to be done at some point

when i move out i have it all to sort after all :/ 

ordered a few vitamins online to take, started taking them a while ago and i do think they have helped actually so im keen to keep with them

tonight i am going over to jack's

he has got harvey over and theyre gonna play pokemon and order takeaway

so hopefully i will see harvey

then tomorrow ugh tomorrow im going to work >.> 

suppose i had to go sooner than later 

we are going to get stuff out for PAT testing and just tidy up a bit 

to be honest im not even 100% sure i will be doing tomorrow but i have 37 hours to do out of my normal hours and i gotta start them at some point ><

i will go back to jacks for a brew then i can come home and see Ozwald

about it really~

Just another monday

 Evening

to say i didnt sleep during the day, i could not sleep at night

how unfair is that >.> it was raining and cool so i should have been able to get off no problem

but noooo

to be honest i was cold, my toes were like ice cubes i couldnt feel them

i got up and went downstairs for a bit, had some cereal 2 bowls as i was hungry cus i didnt eat much dinner, i started doing the pokemon league as well. went to bed at 1am

slept from there and woke up at 8:30am

this morning i did some yoga and then went for a walk

i would have danced but dad delayed himself going to work to fix a plumping issue in the house and looking at a neighbours car engine

so i couldnt really dance

the walk took and hour and i was sweating afterwards

i came in and mum was home so we had a brew

i bleached my eyebrows they now match my hair XD proper blond haha

and had a shower and then a tea cake for lunch

i can eat a lot better today i just still have pain going down my jaw but i can clamp it together without agonising pain, so its getting there

i fell asleep as i had dosed myself quite heavily as i wasnt in the mood for pain today

woke up and sat with Oz in front of the fan, it wasnt massively hot but the sun was on his hutch and he just loves sitting in front of that fan

i was looking at interior design really on my laptop and ideas of what to paint on my nails tonight

had dinner then died of stomach pains for over an hour. just really really hurt

think theres something wrong with my stomach to be honest but im not going to the doctors unless i am dying. 

im gonna do my nails tonight :) 

tomorrow me and jack are going into a town, we were originally going to go to the bank there and set up a joint account but when i rang the bank today to enquire they said i didnt need to go in branch i could do it all over the phone or online so yeah thats gonna make life easier

but think we will still go to the town as its something to do and we can incorporate a walk into it too

not sure what we're doing the rest of the day to be honest but im staying over at his 

i'll be back wednesday afternoon

hopefully Oz wont pine too much 

probably wont sleep tonight given how much i have slept during the day today...woops

been 18 months

 Evening

I went over to Jack's around 8pm last night

he had been out drinking - heavily - the night before so I wasnt in a rush to head over

as i knew he wouldnt be in a good way XD

When i saw him, he was really dark under the eyes and looked rough

he had been up til 5am, drunk half a bottle of vodka, few gins, few ciders 

and hes hasnt been drinking for months

think it hit him quite hard

he also did something very very stupid which he told me not to 'freak out' about before he told me

basically in his drunken state he decided to try and climb his balcony from the pavement

i cant even touch his balcony from the pavement and hes not that much taller than me

so it was just stupid

and i could tell he must have been incredibly drunk to try this as its not safe and goes against his very nature to do unsafe acts

he had tried, failed, and rolled onto the pavement in his shorts and t-shirt

so he grazed his hands and got deep grazes on his knee caps that are now starting to bruise also

i was not impressed and didnt shout at him or anything but i did say once he lifted his shorts up to show the evidence

"ok jack and now what if i had done that?"

he said "yeah....i wouldnt have been very happy. probably how youre feeling now"

i said "we're suppose to moving out soon, what would have happened if you had broke your leg? you wouldnt be much help to me would you"

he said "i know, yeah youre right. it was stupid. i know"

i thought 'im so having this' XD

"and what would have happened if you had hit your head and ended up in hospital and i had found out you were in hospital?"

he hugged me and apologised for like the thousandth time

in all honesty i wasnt mad, i just thought he'd been an idiot and was glad he was alright

theo came in with his work friend and we sat talking for a bit

then he left and i went on jack's bed

did my tens machine and just rested really

took me til about midnight to actually sleep cus i was struggling to get comfy but once i was actually asleep i did sleep through til 8:30am

i got jack up which was a real effort XD

today marks our 18 month anniversary - feels so much longer 0.0

we had breakfast which was cereal and i managed it with my dodgey jaw

i had a bath, and my god was it a hot bath, my skin glew pink~~~~

i felt dizzy in the bath and my heart felt like it was pounding out my chest

but the pain of literally cooking my skin was a welcome change to my usual pain

psychotic i know, as i was essentially poaching my skin XD

i didnt feel good so knew i should get out, i shouted jack cus he told me to get him if im dizzy in the bath so i dont faint when getting out (he worries too much)

but he had the fan on in the bedroom so he couldnt hear me

so i got out slowly but my god my vision was blurring so i quickly made it into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed jack was like "you ok!? whats up?" i said "hot jack and very dizzy"

he said "you should have said"

i said "i shouted but you couldnt hear"

he looked so sad and guilty XD

we went round the shops as its his younger sister's 15th birthday today

and jack being jack, forgot

so once again i was helping him get bday presents 

i know she loves make-up and beauty and korean stuff

so i told him TK MAXX usually has korean face sheets in

we managed to get korean face sheets, lip masks, and shoulder massage pad things

i think she will really like those presents

i was dead happy as we found a glass pumpkin in there and we've brought it for the kitchen windowsil for the bungalow, i think its beautiful but then i do have a fetish for pumpkins

halloween stuff is starting to come in and i LOVE it ^^

we came back and had soup which i was grateful of- needs very little chewing XD

after lunch we sorted out surveyors 

jack gave them all the details and paid almost £500 for it all ><

he insisted tho as ive been paying for the stuff for the house lately

then we sorted out jacks wardrobe well his clothes really as so many are from his uni days - 10 years ago, and so are faded, rough, have holes in

and it annoys me -____- dresses likes a 40 year old man - his friends words not mine XD

so we threw out 2 bin liners full of clothes and a big carrier bag of underwear

he has been buying clothes since hes been with me so he could afford to throw some away

its all less to pack up and unpack when he does move

i know i have stuff to sort out

he says he has other stuff to sort out

he treated me to ice cream which was cookies and cream flavour

it was sooo good but made me cold

i came home cus i have to cus of Ozwald

got to keep him happy

also its raining today so he cant play out 

my god actual rain!

hopefully tonight it will be easier to sleep

think im seeing jack on tuesday next

we're hoping to make a joint bank account

tomorrow probably exercise

i have a craft idea in mind but unsure if i have the stuff to actually do it

Lolita christmas bows

 Evening

I had a bad night

woke up at 11:30pm, so I couldnt have been asleep for long...couldnt sleep so i had to get up but i usually have cereal in the night, cus of my jaw i did struggle to eat them to be honest so i didnt enjoy them cus it was a real effort to actually eat them. After returning to bed i woke up literally every hour

so i felt knackered this morning when i got up at 7:30am

me and mum did an hour's walk which was hard work to be honest

i came back and did 15mins of yoga but couldnt face doing much else so had a shower

i hadnt had breakfast as i couldnt face more pain but i did try to eat a bit of cereal when i came in

i had left over pasta bake for lunch, which wasnt too bad as the pasta had gone quite soft 

i slept this afternoon, i had had enough of being in pain

its just been so relentless lately

i was reduced to silent tears today cus i couldnt cope any longer

and what with my jaw

i had soup for dinner and tried breaking up tiny bits of bread and putting it in the soup to go soft and soggy and i just about managed that

ive been with my lad as well

he is happy and sat with truffle today, she really likes him XD

i got my bows made for the christmas i will eventually buy XD

they have wire on the back so i can tie them to the tree that way

but i think they look ok

certainly cheaper than buying them, i just sat making them whilst watching jpop dances on youtube

then i sat working on a halloween background on photoshop, i have an idea of a picture i want to do but its whether or not im good enough to do it!

tonight i should be going over to jack's but to be honest i havent heard from him for a few hours. he didnt go to bed til 5am as he was out drinking then today hes been out with friend's as harvey got his house keys yesterday on his birthday so they went to go look at his house

i havent heard from jack since 2pm so im not sure if hes fell asleep from a long night and a busy day

im not too fussed ether way i just dont like being home on sundays

i hope my jaw rights it's self soon -____-

im gonna go have a warm shower and massage it with a face roller~

Oz in front of the fan

 Evening~

I got to sleep pretty fast but woke up at 12:30 and tossed and turned trying to get to sleep, i started scratching myself so by 2am i decided to get up before i savage my skin

i stayed up for an hour, played some pokemon and did the last gym

this morning me and mum went to tk maxx

i got some leggings for work and fleece joggers for the winter ^^ mum got a few bits too so it was worth going, then we came home. i went to bed i had had enough of being in pain and it was only 11am...

i got up and made a couple of cute bows for the christmas tree

i looked into getting a sheet of glass cut for the magazine table i did, to keep it covered and safe. I was quoted £62....wow thats more than actual table! so i dont think i will be doing that any time soon...

ive had Oz in as well it wasnt that hot today but i still let him sit in front of the fan as i know he enjoys it so i took photos on mums phone of him happily sitting there

tara told me shes brought a new baby bunny and i saw a photo hes so cute, white and black and called Jasper, hes only 8 weeks old X3 i really wanna see him!

I went for a walk with mum which was hard work as the sun had come out

i did 30mins of yoga and 10mins of dance

i was done at that point and had a shower and got pyjamas on

i have struggled today as my jaw has come out of its alignment  

i still have full use of it but it hurts to open and close and to apply any pressure for example eating. i have a permanent ache in the joint and going down my face

last time it did this i had to go to a chiropractor and have it put back in and the relief was instant

im hoping it pops back into alignment soon as its another pain to deal with but makes eating hard work. it does this every now again. dont know how i get it out of place and its been cracking a lot so its not right :/ fed up

im fed up being in pain and taking so much pain relief. it sucks

tomorrow not sure what im doing

jack says theres an event at the park near him if i wanna go

but i will see how i feel to be honest 

few bargains and picking surveyors

 Evening

I went over to jack's last night

it was very warm so we didnt do a lot

i read my book and played my switch - which im so happy with! X3

jack was amazed seeing me a read a book

i said "what? i can read you know"

he said "i know, its just youre so quiet and i think its the first time i have seen you read a book before. its strange" how rude >.> its a book about psychopaths so i suppose no scene with me is 'normal' XD

i managed to get off to sleep

but woke up at 3am and found the bed empty i had a quick panic of 'where is he?'

i checked and could see the light on in the toilet so left him to it

but i felt very sick

he came to the bedroom and said "sorry did i wake you?"

i said "i dont think so i just panicked when you werent there for some reason"

he said he had had a nightmare of which he had to bury his family, he got up and went to check the windows and doors were locked. so maybe he had woken me up after all by plodding around. who knows but i was awake and now needed to get up

he got up with me we had hot chocolate and biscuits

then i fell back to sleep and we got up at 9am

we had breakfast

then looked over his driving pages, as he had got his 3rd lesson at 12pm

so i helped him with that - that week's topic was roundabouts

then we had a look at surveyors as we need the bungalow surveying 

it was time for jack to go i could see he was nervous, well it was easy to tell by how long he was spending in the bathroom and several times bless him

he left me with his flat keys

i decided to use the opportunity to go shopping by myself~

i managed to get a jacket reduced from £20 to £5 and skirt of the same reduction and price

then underwear reduced too~ that was just simple sale bargains

i didnt need anything really it was just nice to look round by myself

i got back with 10mins to spare before jack came back

me and theo watched him pull up X3

i let him inside and made him a coffee and got the soup ready for lunch as it was gone 2pm

we sorted a bit more of the surveyor work out we think we know who we want to go with, i have left it with jack to sort as everything is in his name and he wants to pay for the surveyor also

we fell asleep on the bed after that

it has been a lot cooler today thank bloody god

but still a bit warmer but way more bearable 

i left for home at 5pm

saw my Ozwald who has been grumpy today and wrecked his cage.....damn him >.>

sorted out my stuff and thats about it really

had dinner, 30mins of yoga and had a shower

i have had a splitting headache all day which i have been determined to get on with

but yeah my head frigging hurts i have even drank loads to try shift it

nothing has helped

it will be gone tomorrow i am sure

tomorrow

mum is on about going to tk maxx in the morning so i might join her

then do my exercise routine

then make some christmas decorations~

Pikachu Hamster wall hanging

Afternoon

I could not sleep

so I got up for a bit, had cereal and pain killers - the usual

and managed to sleep after that

had a dream I had ADHD, a lot of plushies were on the floor when i woke up

guessing i was moving around a lot in my sleep...

I walked for an hour this morning

then i helped mum unpack the shopping

she wanted to do a walk so i went with her for 30mins

had a brew when i came in and then did 30mins of yoga

so i have already done my 2 hour exercise by midday!

done in!

i had a much needed shower then sat with a cold face sheet on with cucumber on my eyes

in front of the fan it was really good ^^

jack is currently on his way over

hes caught the bus i bet he must be roasting

hes bringing my switch!!

staying over at his tonight

but im staying home during the day to care for my pets

its hot so i will have to tend to them again

we missed the storms but my cousins up north got them

we should get them at some point tho.....

here is the wall hanging i made the other day

pikachu being nommed on by hamsters~

thats all for now

My switch is all better X3

 Evening

my god its hot

sick of this heat

we actually get a summer and its just unbearable it really is

its 37c!!

the humidity is gross, its never a nice dry heat here

its always wet heat

you sweat just sitting in your seat

i hate it, im sick of sweating!!

i managed to fall asleep pretty fast last night surprisingly

i thought with the heat it would be difficult to actually sleep

i woke up at 3am and got comfy again and went back to sleep

so it was a good night 

I got up and did my usual routine of breakfast and exercise

did an hour's walk followed by 30mins of dancing

i was sweaty~ but i was mainly practising the angerme dance

needs work, then i will work on fairies's mr.blue sky

i had a brew with  mum and Oz after my shower

then did a bit of designing in front of my laptop downstairs with Oz on the sofa with me

i had had enough of being in pain so i went to sleep in my bed for an hour

woke up wet through my god it was hot

i felt disgusting 

when i got up i got the pets inside with mum, a repeat of yesterday, and sat them in the cool and in front of the fan. its too hot outside for them and the sun comes on their cages around 3pm

so they leisurely laid around, Oz loves it and can stay over an hour XD

i said to mum "these are the fortunate ones, there are pets out there forgotten about at the ends of the garden in cages in the blazing sun probably dying"

she said "dont! i dont like to think about it"

its true, there are unwanted pets, uncared for pets. suffering whilst ours cool off on a sofa in front of a fan. we hear stories of people on the news leaving their dogs in cars! and people smashing the windows to get the dogs out. how thick can humans be. how would the like to be in a car in this heat!?

they deserve it to be done back to them

we were suppose to have thunder storms today at 4pm but then it was 9pm

its now 8pm and not seen any sign so we might miss it

but could be tomorrow

seeing jack tomorrow! he gave me a txt today to say my switch was back in store, then another txt saying he had been to collect it and that all my games and such were still on it :3

it was good of him to fetch it for me ^^ and im glad i havent got to download my games again

i cant wait to have it back and to be able to actually play on it

hes tested it and says its perfectly normal ^^

he is coming over  to me tomorrow as i said if its hot again i will need to supervise Oz indoors, i cant leave him for mum to tend to when she has the pigs to do as well

he was fine with that then i will sleep over at his and be back thursday

think he has a driving lesson at 12pm on thursday anyway

yay get my switch tomorrow ^^

i havent done much all afternoon its just too hot

i have started reading a new book - an actual book not an e-book

its The wisdom of psychopaths by kevin dutton, managed to read 20 pages so far

that is impressive for me i have to say

enjoying it tho, i like how the mind works

so yeah tomorrow seeing jack at some point

i was gonna draw or sew today but yeah the heat defeated me

defeated all of us i think

i alsp spent a lot of time with Oz, to be honest im always spending time with him. I cant imagine not having him there hes like my right hand man. God knows what i will do when i ose him. 

Ordered Bio Oil to repair the damage I have done to myself

 Evening

I managed to get to sleep but I woke up and then had to get up as I hurt so much

so i had cereal and pain killers

my usual routine in the middle of the night

i got up at 8am

This morning I got into the car with mum and got out where she worked

so I could walk home, just gave me a different walk really

i walked for 50mins i was a bit sweaty afterwards

got home and sent over the form me and jack filled out yesterday, sent it over to jack

then did 30mins of dancing til i was shaky sweaty mess -____-

felt better for exercise

had a shower and a brew 

then i worked on my christmas tree lolita bow

finally got it finished, looks cute.  i will take a photo~

i had a bit of a rest and mum woke me up with cake mix X3

sat with Oz in the living room with the fan on him

he had stupidly decided to lay under a bush but the sun was on him

so he was hot bunbun 

i cooled him off and he sat there for an hour on the sofa!

lazy bunny X3

then i was looking at stuff online, housey things and christmas decorations

stuff to design but was getting a little to immersed in it all

sometimes i get too carried away with design

so i got up and did 20mins of dance learning and i have just about finished the Angerme dance, a slower more controlled movement dance so i have been finding it tricky but i am getting the hang of it now and it feels good to have reached the end of the song

so today i have done 100mins exercise~

how im not skinny i will never know -____-

mum suggested i order some Bio Oil

i brought some online and my god its expensive it best work!

during lockdown i was a bit mental and basically removed the skin on my calves and shins using my nails, until it bled. it has taken sooo long to heal, cus i wear compression socks during the night and not letting my skin breathe, it is slowing the healing process down

i have tried to not wear my socks but i am just in too much pain without them sadly

so i have been putting expensive derma care cream on my legs and they are healing but the skin is now different shades - reds, purples, pinks

i have wrecked my skin

i am so annoyed at myself for doing it

but i was in so much pain and distress i just needed to feel something else

i different pain

so i scratched and i suppose its the same sort of release as self harming (not that i have ever done that!)

but im annoyed at the damage i have done to my skin

it looks a mess 

jack has seen them and he just looked sad at me and hugged me. he is just glad im ok but he does watch my hands as sometimes i scratch without thinking and sometimes it is my legs

but luckily the last few weeks i have made an active effort to not touch my legs and put cream on twice a day. but i need more than a cream. Bio Oil is suppose to be good for scarring basically

we shall see if its worth the time and money

tomorrow

probably find something creative to do after my walk and work out

my Switch should be ready for collection on thursday! 

Got my 10th Anniversary ring!! :D

 Evening

I went over to Jack's around 8pm last night

we didnt do a great deal cus I was dead and it was getting late

we did have a hot chocolate and biscuits and talked with Theo

I sat with him on his bed and asked him why he told me he was in a mood on thursday

he brushed it off telling me he was fine now

i said "nope youre not getting out of it that easily, you always get me to tell you my troubles so lets have it"

and you know when you can tell someone has tears in their eyes but hasnt started crying

yup that was Jack

all over the fact he had spent too long over thinking (once again) about the forms we had to do next. Which is basically if the relationship goes tits up - -who gets what

and he was scared he would lose me and then we have to do Will's at some point (yes actually death wills) and he cant bare the thought of not having me anymore

now i know its nice feeling so loved and wanted 

but my god he over thinks

so i reassured him we would be fine and im not going anywhere for quite some time

but yeah nether of us were looking forward to the form 

i couldnt sleep

i was in too much pain and had forgotten my tens machine....

so we got up at 12:30 and had a brew  and biscuits and another pain killer for me

and after that i did sleep but woke up a few times to get comfy again

as i was sleeping on top of my covers

we got up at 8am

and had breakfast then had a bath and then we sat doing the form

i say "we" it more jack XD it involved a lot of maths and that is something i do not specialise in

Jack can just do numbers so i was in good hands ^^

he got it done and i was there to make tea and answer any questions he had on my money

we got it done but i had a massive knot in my stomach

we went to have lunch but i couldnt eat much

after lunch we had the good bit - collecting my ring :D

So here we have my 10th anniversary ring~

'celebrating' how far i have come in the 10 years since i have had my illnesses

i love it and my family like it and so did jack actually

the heat has made my fingers swell so the photo looks like i have chubby fingers X3 

its white gold with little diamonds

its so petite i love it and its goes well next to granny's sapphire ring~

well pleased with it

mum gave me some money towards it too, she didnt have to but she chose too

we had a rest then i had to come home for a pointless house viewing

one of dad's customers who is selling their house

but for like £40,000 more than i can actually afford

so it was pointless

but upon looking at it i felt a swell of pride at our future bungalow

cus my god it was a dump and totally ditched

too big as well, but yeah was nice tidy, clean or well kept

so it would have meant a lot of work for a big space we wouldnt have use for

and no grass for Oz it was all stone

i came back and sat with Oz and mum  in the garden

then i sorted out a  bit more of my lolita bow

i hadnt done any exercise but mum said to have a night off

i was really tired

so i had a hot shower and im gonna do my nails and have a hot chocolate

i will catch up with exercise tomorrow

im just exhausted and i ache anyway, exercises probably wont help much

so no point in pushing myself

tomorrow

probably finish lolita bow and exercise~

and send todays forms over to jack