Mummy is always thinking of me

 Konbanwa~~~

Taking my antidepressant earlier before bed actually really does help
I wasnt laying anxious in bed and soon went to sleep

I did my yoga this morning but felt like I would rather be going to sleep than going to school

we changed the bed before school and put the stew on

School was hard

its just too much at the moment somehow

I couldnt cope, my medication is making me so damn tired, its like a tranquiliser 

I am so shattered, its an fight just to keep my eyes open

I did feel the morning getting too much so I went to hide out in my car! Not the best thing to do but it was quiet, I could shut my eyes and breathe

I came back into school around 10am so I hadnt been gone long and I was just in time for Jack's £1000+ stationary delivery.....the crate weighed 117kg....yeah there was A LOT of stuff.

I told Jack I was struggling but somehow I was able to prep my lessons and finish my morning

when I got home I ate quickly whilst sitting with Oz and as I got up to go to bed the door went, it was mummy! I surprise visit ^^ She only stayed 5 mins as she was on he way back from having her hair cut but thought she would bring my parcels by. Not only that she had kindly brought me a little brown rabbit hanging ornament ^^ and a bunny card that says "Im here for you" it was so lovely I cried and told mum how hard it had been and how I wanted to see her. That I am too tired to do anything and I missed her. She understood and said she missed me and doesnt feel she is there enough for me right now but she is :)

I went to bed for 90mins and felt I could get the afternoon sorted

I sat down and outlined some of my painting which does look better for an outline. Id say I was half way there on the outline stage. Cant believe how long it is taking me to outline actually

think I will give it to mummy when it is done :)

I had a brew with Jack when he came home then I made some banana biscuits and then cooked his yorkshire pudding to go with the stew, the stew was bloody amazing 

Then we went for a walk as it was a really nice evening and you have to make the most of the sun lately as it keeps pouring down!

We just got back and I am gonna have my first bath in a week! Now my ear infection has passed I can have baths again. Jack will sit with Oz whilst I am in the bath then I will sit with him.

Im gonna have a hot chocolate tonight ^^

Tomorrow

it is school T^T and head of science says he wants to check up with me tomorrow or friday

but what is happening tomorrow is the science department is spending £200 on pizza....sweet jesus thats a lot of pizza. I cant eat any!!! Jack will eat my fill no doubt >.> my brother would on the scene if he could...

managed second day

 Evening

Once again I get anxious at night, lay in bed thinking about school. Then antidepressants kick in and I dont feel much of anything and so I fall asleep then

I woke up at my alarm at 6am and got up to do my morning yoga

I felt quite sicky anxious going to school

the morning was one long energyless slog

did not realise I had dropped off to sleep reading my body book.....woops ^^;

Jack said no one saw -_____- he shouldnt allow me to conk out!!

I got all my jobs done tho what Jack asked of me

Couldnt wait to leave tho, I had had enough

I got home and had lunch with Ozwald

then I went to bed for almost 90 mins

did I feel better for it? nope T^T how unfair is that!?

what a waste of time >.>

but I had promised Jack that would actually relax today so I guess it was relaxing

I got up and rang my mum as she would have liked to have seen me but told me to tell her how I felt, so I rang her and said I was knackered. We spoke for half hour which was easier on me than having her over for 2 hours. 

I then did a bit of  painting and Jack came home

I had tea and fruit loaf as I have actually been hungry today but I worry about being greedy. Jack says im not greedy im hungry and it must be draining being tired and anxious all the time.

We decided as it was no long pouring with rain that we would go for a walk! so we went for a walk before dinner which I really enjoyed actually

we came back and did dinner. Ended up literally cutting and chopping for an hour as I had sausage pasta to cook and stew to prep for the morning. It was never ending!

I had a shower whilst Jack cleared up then he had a shower after me. It was like 7:15pm and we had both finished our chores for the day! so that was a good feeling. I sat and painted. Got all the colour on and it just needs outlining now. It does look better actually, still not holding out an awful lot for it tho!

I was with Ozwald, we gave each other lots of fuss

now just waiting for Jack to come off his new game with theo >.> knew he would get carried away on his first play of it

tomorrow

school >< kinda dont wanna go, all I wanted to do today was sleep. But hopefully tomorrow will be better. It was last wednesday I got to 9:30am and cracked hopefully it will not be a repeat of last week

I managed my first half day

 Evening~~

I was a bit tense last night ^^; we were in bed for 9:45pm but it took me an hour to fall asleep

I woke up at 1:30am needing a massive wee but ended up falling over twice in the bedroom!!

Its those antidepressants, they mess with a lot in the head

to say I fell over twice in the bedroom, it did not wake the sleeping Jack.....0.0"

How is that possible? Anyway I took my time and walked slowly to the bathroom

Luckily I fell asleep til morning, didnt want to get up and face the day but I did

I did my morning yoga and gave Oz his morning carrot and locked him up in the garage

no point in taking him to mum for a few hours

School, ahhhhh I managed I guess

I did keep feeling dizzy and heart was beating out of rhythm 

Jack told me if I all I did today was socialise then that is fine. He wants me to build my confidence back up and enjoy work so  I have a positive experience. I did socialise a fair amount but I also wanted to prep my lessons if only so Jack wouldnt have to do my biology lessons. Luckily I only had 1 lesson to do and it was running stuff off the photocopier. done.

I was struggling to get through my 4 hours tho I have to say

but as soon as it got to my 4 hours Jack announced it and said I could go home

I didnt waste any time and was out the door!

I got home at 12:15, got Oz in and had my soup with him. Then I had an hour in bed

when I got up I spent like the next 3 hours+ in the kitchen

I did loads and made lots of mess too XD

I made fish cakes, just made the recipe up as I went along but they turned out great

I made biscuits using a recipe I saw on youtube, but I adapted that.

I cooked my breakfast chicken for the week

I made dinner

did the washing up so Jack wouldnt despair at the sheer amount of pots and mess ^^;

he really appreciated the meal but told me he would like me to actually rest tomorrow. I struggle to rest even when I am tired. I am sure I am ADHD

After dinner I did a bit of painting, I just keep doing bits and pieces to it. I think its coming together but I think it looks like a 5 year old has done it.....

Oz is playing out in the drizzling rain like hes some feral uncared for bunny. 

I need to do some exercise as I havent done any today and I will hear from my body if I do nothing

I feel chubs, Jack keeps telling me I am not fat and I know I am not but I do wonder what I weigh. When I walked past the classrooms today I could see my reflection in the glass doors and I think my legs look skinny. I dont see how they can be. Who knows

tonight just exercise and not sure what else, might do more on my painting

tomorrow

is school~~ I hope I get through the day T^T 

then I will try take it easy when I come home at midday ><

Returning to work again tomorrow

 Evening

I managed to sleep last night, I did feel off but didnt need to get up luckily, I was feeling anxious about school tho. Stupid when its like over a day away

We woke up at 8am and got up and ready to go shopping, I decided to curl my hair today but even after using 3 products in my hair, my curls fell out. Its important to take care of yourself in bad depression as you can quite easily get into the habit of not caring for your self or your appearance 

I managed shopping 

we got back and unpacked then sat with a brew with Ozwald who was so giddy and happy bless him

then Jack cut up my stuff for my soup this week, it was good to make my cauldron of fish soup and it actually tasted really good. I cleaned Oz out whilst it was cooking

I kept working on my canvas throughout the day

we did a walk which was nice

I didnt get round to dusting my room as I ended up spending an hour on my bed just exhausted. Jack said not to push myself. I was gonna bring over stuff from mums as well today but couldnt face it and didnt have the energy really. So I left it but still went to see mum for an hour and saw the pigs, checked molly's cyst too. 

I came back and I did our dinner ---- noodles!

we havent had noodles since my diet, Jack suggested it and I wanted to try it but didnt want to use a ready made sauce. So I said I would do it if I could cook my own food/meat for it and make a broth and he was cool with that. I totally winged it with how I made it. But I tried to make it look good so I sprinkled sesame seeds over the meal, placed a fried egg on top too and drizzled soy sauce over it :3 it looked really good actually. Jack said it tasted really good ^^

After dinner I did a bit more of my painting, if I am honest it looks total crap right now but I am hoping by the time more colour is on it and an outline it will take shape better

Jack and I are currently sat with a face pack on, part of my self-care. Theres too much for one person in a packet so I got him to join in as well X3 he doesnt mind. I haven't done a face pack in agesssss.Then we will go in the shower and sit with Ozwald. Jack says he doesnt mind having an early night if it means less stress for me. He has been spending a lot of time with me lately cus hes worried. So I feel I take up his time >< He says hes happy to play pokemon in bed tho

i might do my nails tonight as well maybe, or just put a strengthener on them at least

I have got my stuff ready for school tomorrow, I feel sick at the sight of my uniform....

I really want to be back on form and do this, it feels better knowing I am only there for 4 hours. I am sure I can manage 4 hours. But Jack says if I cant then to just stay til break time. 

I can do this, I want to be able to do this.

I have so many people supporting me, I feel I need to build my confidence back up with work.

I told mum I would let her know how I get on and stuff.

I shall do my best

first day of more antidepressants

 Evening

I am currently sat with hair dye in my hair, waiting to be able to wash it off! I wasn't gonna bother again but here I am XD

So last night was my first night of having and extra antidepressant and yeah I felt it...I was clammy, felt sick and white as a ghost. I felt so rotten that in the end I asked Jack if he would get up with me and have a hot chocolate in the hope it would make me feel less sick. It did help and we returned to bed at 11:45pm. To say I felt restless I didnt have any of the stress and anxiety that usually goes with it. So maybe tablets are good for emotions

I slept til 6am after that then woke up at 8:30am

we got up and got ready for the day and was surprisingly out the door for 9:15am. Jack did all the driving this morning and did really well.

we went to the range first and I got some art supplies, as I hope to do a piece to get me out of this funk with art I am in at the moment. So got paints pen, canvases, paintbrushes, varnish. Jack got treats and then we went B&M for stuff school and cider for Jack.

We drove then to the river and went for a good walk. I enjoyed it as it was only 16c today so a lot more bearable. I was done in afterwards

we came home for a cup of tea and a sit with Ozwald, who couldnt keep still long enough to do toilet. I have never known a rabbit to be so excited to pee on a towel before but here we are --_____--

We had lunch then I assisted Jack in planing my cupboard under the stairs door as since the carpets it just wont shut but he got it to shut ^^

I started my canvas by literally doing a grey wash background. Then I went to bed for a bit after I brought up a bit of sick 

when I got up I did a rough outline on my canvas, cleaned the bathroom, went on my laptop for a bit, did dinner, after dinner I started adding colour to my canvas but I am leaving it to dry now.

I tried doing some exercise, did a 12 min video but my body was shaking and Jack agreed I needed to listen to my body and actually rest. 

So I went and dyed my hair which I was gonna do tomorrow but I was in the mood to faff with it tonight so yeah I have painted my hair purple and red again at the front XD I hope it turns out ok!!

Not sure yet what I will do tonight, I was in bed for 8:30pm last night as I couldnt keep my eyes open any longer so I didnt wait for Jack I just went to bed ><

Tomorrow

its food shop, Oz cage clean out, making soup for the week

said I would try see mum too

probably do some more on my canvas and not sure what else really

actually got somewhere with my doctor

 Evening

It wasn't until I got to bed did I realise that I didnt do my diary!!

So yesterday I was lucky to have chris come and collect Jack for school

which I was really grateful of as I was shattered

I spent the day resting really as there wasnt much else I could do! I was a bit of a corpse ^^;

my mum came to see me and dropped off some parcels

I had a telephone call with the doctor to basically ask for some help

this is what has come of it all

for the next 2 weeks at school I will be working til lunch time, I have a doctors note for it

I am upping my antidepressants as of today

The doctor said he had in fact referred me for mental health help

so yeah I dont feel like I am in a pit of despair so much as I now have something to help, something to try

he warned me not to ever overdose on these tablets and that i need to have my blood pressure checked in a month. It increases blood pressure but my blood pressure is naturally low so i am not concerned.

after dinner we walked over to mum and dad's so I could give my brother a mug I ordered him for work as his work mug broke, he was pleased with it then we walked back and that short walk literally did me in. 

In the evening as we had finished Chobits - which was really good - we started watched Ouran high school host club. I have had on dvd for years but jack hasnt seen it

I told him to continue watching the episode as I had to go die on the toilet as for some reason when the night came round, my anxiety heightened. 

we got to bed and I had to dash to the toilet once again. Jo is no longer digesting food it seems. I was dying on the toilet til 11:15pm -_____-

safe to say I was shattered at 6am today. I could have done without the school run but knew I had to get on with it. The closer we got to school the more anxious I felt.

i was so churned up with anxiety that I called into mum's on the way home as I knew she was going out at 9am anyway

so I got to relax with the sows. Molly isnt doing so well with her lumps. Her tummy lump has burst and scabbed over, she has a lump on her leg and mum said she thinks she felt one on her bum earlier. We are unsure what they are fully. The vet says cysts but without an actual biopsy we wont know

she seems fine and doesnt mind you touching them. I told mum to not worry and keep them clean. Bless molly mole

I left mum when she went out and I came home to bed for 90mins as I was shattered

when I woke up I looked at shelving online but didnt see anything I liked. Then I wrote my cousin and email finally.

I had my lunch then mum came round and we went for a short walk, I managed to dust the living room whilst talking to her which gave me a sense of achievement. I also started upping my meds today

mum left when Jack came home

I cut his hair and we had dinner once he had had a shower

it was raining during dinner but as we couldnt see Oz we assumed he was in the garage.  We assumed wrong...we saw a wet bunny run out the bushes -_____- so he had decided to sit in the garage during the day when it was just cloudy but play out when it was raining!?

so I went out to him and he was shivering and shaking his coat. pudding

i tried to towel dry him inside but he was having none of it so I just let him groom himself.

we have given him treats and carrot and hes now snoring on the carpet. Jack sat with him whilst I exercise for 15mins and had a shower.

I will take him home soon bless him

Jack is playing D&D tonight so I am by myself

not sure what we are doing this weekend to be honest

dont wanna do myself in anyway

i have the usual jobs to do anyway

i told jack that when i started my antidepressants i became quite numb, which is a usual feeling with mental medication and these tablets are actually quite nasty as far as antidepressants go. But they work for me! So I warned him i might go a bit detached and to just bare with me. But he seemed fine with it all. He has been on antidepressants before so he knows the score

I made an attempt to work

 Evening

I didnt manage any exercise last night and I felt it as I laid in bed. My body had missed moving about but I was so dead that i simply couldnt

I slept okish

But upon waking up, I just felt so drained -______-

I got to school and I could tell it was gonna be a hard slog

head of science came to see me and asked how I was doing and I told him I was struggling mentally and physically and I am unsure why

by 9:30am I was in tears

My anxiety was so bad that I felt dizzy, sick and like I could pass out

and I have no idea why I am like this 

at 10:20am I was leaving school with Jack who had received permission to take me home and work from home the rest of the day

I had rang mum to tell her we were coming home, she had rang dad who had said we need to go see a doctor, mum rang me to say to meet her at the doctors on the way home. We asked for an emergency appointment but my doctor wasnt in. I was down to see the nurse later anyway so left it at that.

I got home and ate piece of fruit loaf, had a sweet cup of tea and went to bed

i was done. I felt like I had done an assault course

I got up at 1pm for lunch with Jack, then went back to bed for another couple of hours

Mum came over with Ozwald and we had a cup of tea then she took me to see the nurse

she diagnosed me with an ear infection and gave me an ear spray to use which isnt nice >< not had an ear infection since I was baby! I told her I was sent home from work and that the doctor isnt helpful. She looked and said my antidepressiant can be increased and that he should increase it rather than let me suffer. I said I had been referred to the mental health team by the doctor but she said "theres no referral on here" meaning - he didnt do it....that was 2 weeks ago. So she left a note on his work to say "Jo needs a referral ASAP" disgusting. I am just left to suffer like this. So we made an appointment to see a female doctor that only works tuesday mornings - which why I havent met her before. But my nurse said this doctor is more...sympathetic, and recommended seeing her.

I was dropped off home by mum and me and Jack did dinner

then after dinner and my stomach ache, we walked to my parents as I went to give my brother something I had ordered online for him. I only just managed to walk there and back

I had a shower when I came in as I cant have baths for a week cus of my ear T^T

We are all disappointed at how I can not seem to handle work

we are all peed off at my crappy doctor

we are all tired

mental health is draining for the person and for the people around you

I am taking the rest of the week off

Jack is going to speak to head of science and say that I would like to come in just for the mornings then come home to do digital work in the afternoon so then I am still working but away from the working environment and the day wont seem so long and daunting. I am so hoping they are ok with this other wise the only thing I can do is be signed off sick until I get some mental health support or increase my medication.

why am i left to suffer?

if I was diabetic this would be like me being without insulin 

sickening

and they get paid over £100,000 a year....I earn £16,000

chris is taking Jack to work tomorrow which is very kind of him to offer. So if I can not sleep tonight then at least I can sleep in the morning

mum is working 7 doors down in the morning and said she will call in at 11am 

Only Tuesday

 Evening

I slept for 9 hours ^^ I was so damn tired tho and in bed

School was tiring

I did a practical with Julia's daughter who is suffering with anxiety and missed so much school. I was just us two practicing this practical but she got herself in such a state that she threw up 3 times....I told Jack to go get Julia. I made her a sweet tea and gave her my biscoff to get her sugars up. Then I drove her and Julia home as I am good like that ^^ I just hope shes ok....

School was hard tho I struggled loads more today than what i did yesterday

I am worrying about the rest of the week now!!! 

I want to be able to do this!!

Mum dropped Oz over, I had a faffy fish dinner that took me 40mins to cook. I was exhausted and I also had no energy to do any sort of work out tonight. I crawled onto the bed with tummy ache and laid there til I had a bath which was shattering just to wash my self

I watered my plants and took the dead heads off and fussed Oz. Going to take him to bed now.

Watch anime and go bed

exhausted. Its only tuesday T^T

First day was successful

Otsukarare deshita~~~

We watched Chobits last night then was in bed for 10:15pm, I did eventually get to sleep and slept through the night too~ I was woken by my 6am alarm for me to get up and do my yoga ><

It was fine I don't mind doing yoga watching Oz in the garden

We picked up the DT technician on the way to dropping Oz off 

I think it helped having someone different to talk to as it made me less anxious and less focused

I was warmly greeted by people at school ^^ people were happy to have Jo back ^^

I did feel a bit out of sorts like out of rhythm you know what I mean

But I tried my best with it all and it wasn't busy like Jack said so that was lucky!

At 11am I had my meeting with george - head of science

and it was totally chill, I have no idea why I get so worried really

hes only 31 and a lovely relaxed guy

we put some things into place for me like making sure I have time to do art as it helps me cope and de-stress and hes also told me that the school pays into a well being service which covers mental health so to maybe try that as I wont get mental help for a long time. But he was so supportive and such, I do work at a fantastic place I really do.

I helped out in Hannah's year7 class and she was very grateful as she wasn't feeling good and it was a hands on practical. One I wasn't familiar with but didnt take me long to wing it!

I cleared it up for her too~

All in all, I totally nailed the day. I went to tell george at the end of the day that I managed my first day back with success :) 

He was pleased and Jack was very proud of me and said I deserve a milk hot chocolate X3

we picked Oz up and came home as mum was going out walking

I made dinner which was soooo damn good

then I stuck the sides onto my desk which I have been trying to straighten out for days but today I wanted to get it all stuck on and it looks a lot better for that. I will slowly get my craft room done!!

I have got to do some exercise next and I am thinking of dancing

Jack says he doesnt mind sitting with Oz whilst I am in the bath 

tomorrow is school again, not got a busy day but said I would help Hannah out in her lesson again

I have been drawing at school today so I might try and do some more drawing again tomorrow

I hope the day goes well again

my stomach felt like it was in knots all day and after dinner I did get a bit of stomach pain but it passed, I can tell stomach isnt quite right tho you know?

I will try my best again tomorrow~

returning to school tomorrow

 evening

I slept well last night and woke up at 8:30am

so we only just got out the house on time for shopping at  9:30am

I felt anxious round the shop to be honest. Like my breathing was off and I felt dizzy 

then all morning I have been dizzy, headachy, not able to think. And shattered

I didnt do an awful lot I felt, because I was so exhausted. Hayfever does not help T^T

But I managed to clean Oz out, and I tackled this big pot in our garden that has been in the same state as when we moved in. Nothing grows in it. I knew there was an ants nest underneath it however I was not expecting the entire thing to be one big ants nest....dear god what had I uncovered. I felt really itchy after doing that job!!!! I emptied it, washed it out and poured kettle water over any remaining ants RIP

i then planted my new plant I picked up from the supermarket today for £2!

At this point I did ask Jack if we were gonna get any jobs done i.e. my craft room shelves and the front door light + front door number plaque.

He did not seem keen I could tell by his body language and when I asked him what his beef was he said that "drilling massively stresses me out" and that was that. So I said its fine I can leave it but felt it was unfair how I just have to keep waiting for my craft room to get done you know?

so I txt mum saying I felt stupidly anxious and that Jack didnt want to do anything for the house today. she said "do you want me to pop by for a cuddle?" I said "yeah" but thought she half hearted meant it kinda thing

next thing I knew mum and dad were here and dad carrying his tool set!!!! 

and that stressed Jack out massively, he couldnt cope with the spontaneous DIY + dad. He basically locked himself in his office! So I felt a bit awkward and wondered just what was up with him like had I dont something kinda thing. he was making my anxiety worse

dad did a fantastic job of my lighting and number and I instantly felt like the house was more ours when it went up. He was kind enough to do my shelving also and I have filled one with mini plush ^^ I supervised and helped out and was constantly fetching tools and the like. Mum was there so I wasnt left with dad as she knows I was at breaking point

they left once everything was done

I started dinner and jack came down to help without me asking and once dinner was on I spoke to him about stuff but it took a while for him to chill out from it all.

I did some exercise which I enjoyed actually as it was a work out to Kpop so it made a change

had a bath and then changed my new piercing, doing a face sheet with Oz and now gonna watch anime with Jack ^^

tomorrow is school

I do hope I manage, I know I am anxious I know I am

and at 10am I have a meeting with head of department about my absence 

I will do my best 

im taking a sleeping tablet tonight 0.0

Got my drawers!!

 Konbanwa~~~

I managed 50mins of exercise last night ^^ 

Had a much needed bath then waited for Jack and at 10:10pm I went to fetch him as I was tired and wanted to go to bed damn it!!

Took a while for me to sleep but I slept through the night and woke up at 8am

Jack helped me wash my hair this morning and then we went to my hair dressers where he got to meet my hair dresser and I wasnt in there long, just a quick tidy

we left there and went to collect my drawers!! which my god was an experience.....

they lived in the wood with 2 other houses, I say houses, mansion is a more correct word....

they had a huge house, 5 cars with a garage that could house 5 cars. One car was vintage you know the ones were you hand crank it at the front? yup one of those and in fantastic condition too

their front planter was big enough to bath 4 people at once, how it even got there I have no idea as you would probably need a crane to lift it there. Just everything big and expensive.

I got there thinking "I know these drawers wont be crap quality as I doubt these people have brought anything crap in their life!" nice elderly couple that used to live on my parents street!!!! small world that it is!!! Jack was only just able to lift the drawers up....they are SOLID and about 50 years old. Very good quality and they even threw in a free drawer! my car suspension went straight down and we only just fit it all into the car!

theyre a light colour, very thick, made in sweden, and my god they are high quality I am impressed. I think I will do them up but not 100% sure at the moment. I do like them. I would not get these for £35 in a shop. They would be probably be £300

we called in at Munchies sandwich bar for Jack's breakfast baguette 

we got home and I had a brew and fruit loaf whilst Jack ate his breakfast baguette 

But I felt he had been a bit off with me all day. Like distant. Like hes there in body but not mind.

I went round the house touching up the walls from the electricians then cleaned the bathroom. I had asked Jack if he would put my outside light up and number plaque as it didnt get done last weekend but I could tell he wasnt feeling it. I left him and found him on his computer. He hadnt talked to me about anything he just went on that. I know he was doing some job application for school

I left without saying bye and went to see mum and dad

came home to do dinner Jack came and greeted me

He had spent 3 hours doing a job application to which I said

"youve wasted 3 hours of this afternoon, getting nothing for house done, just to apply for a job oure not even going to get"

he said "thanks for your support"

i said "youre only applying to be an arsehole arent you? you said you were only gonna spend an hour doing it" 

he said "no actually i really want to get this job"

so at this point I was confused.

I thought he was applying to a dept head position that they hadnt specified that only teaching staff could apply for. So he thought he would be an arsehole, as a support staff, and apply. 

But he said "no this is a job i would do along side my current job its for staff welfare leadership" .....theres this job going? of course I havent been in school so therefor I havent seen the vacancies going.

I felt awful

I felt like such a jerk

I said I was sorry and told him I had clearly got the wrong end of the stick

he said that he hadnt explained it all properly 

we were ok

i told him I am supportive of whatever he is doing, dont fully appreciate what hes applying for and he didnt think hes gonna get it anyway he just wanted to try. I don't blame him for trying

We had dinner then we went for a nice evening walk, I was of course struggling for breath with my hayfever and asthma, which seems to be the norm at the moment when walking outside at the moment. I sound like someone really unfit! and have to use my inhaler 

we got back and I had a nice long soak in the bath whilst jack watched first dates with Oz.

I sat with Oz but I am gonna take him home now so we can watch anime and go bed!!!

tomorrow

we have the weekly shop then I have Oz to clean out and thats it really! I saw my dad today and gave him his fathers day present so I wont be seeing him on father day. Not sure what else I will do yet~

had ice cream and bought 2 chest drawers

 Evening

Ah I didnt get time to do my diary yesterday ><

But I started my day by searching for £1000 in 50 pound notes that my dad had given to me to give to the electrician. Could I find them? I was starting to feel sick. My dad had handed them to me when we had just come in from being turned away from the covid jab so my mind was not in the right place when they were handed to me!!!!! Jack helped and in the end chilled out playing pokemon before school - he doesnt usually do this - shows how much I had stressed him out. I got on with yoga, just as we were leaving for school I saw something under the tissue box in the kitchen....yup a wad of cash

THANK GOD 0.0

so that was me crippled with anxiety, all the way home from taking Jack to work. I called in at mum's on the way home as I needed chilling out and felt I would probably only go home to pace.

I had a cup of tea with her then she went to work

I took some  boxes home with me but I wasn't very settled at home I was still stressed out so in the end I went to sleep to escape all thought. So I can tell I still aint right in the head

I woke up and started transferring stuff from my old knackered boxes to my new ones

Then had lunch then I thought I would start on the draw I brought over from mum's and realised I need a chest of drawers to put stuff in T^T mum rang me at this point and I was grouchy with her as my plans had not gone right. She convinced me to go out for a walk with her XD

which worked out well actually as Jack txt to say Chris was dropping him and that he was gonna come in for a cup of tea which is great but would give me no time to work out. So worked out well as then I would have done a walk and yoga in the morning

mum left just before Jack and chris arrived. It was good to see someone from school in a way

I started running a bath whilst chris was here tho as we needed to get off to harveys soon

chris left and then I was in the bath, Jack had the bath after me. He then started running something by me about school cus he needed to and I wanted him to. However it did my stomach literally flip over. And when he talked about progressing his career and one day leaving I wanted to cry so he stopped there 0.0 yeah Jo is not able to cope with that right now, which made Jack feel awful. But he needed to talk to me about these things as he needed to arrange a meeting but wanted to talk to me about it first.

we set off for harveys it was just us 4 and the guys had wagamama's I had left overs which I enjoyed

then we had Kaspers for dessert, I ordered a waffle like the guys did. mine had white chocolate, fudge and oreo on it. It comes with a little pot of whipped vanilla ice cream. When it arrived, at first I had written the ice cream off as i knew I wouldnt have room for that and the waffle and wasnt holding out a lot for it's quality but I thought I would try it as its been months since I have had ice cream. It was so nice!!!! I then pinched a bit of my waffle toppings and ate it with the ice cream and I actually really enjoyed this! It was nice without being too sweet and sickly or heavy. I had a spoon of jack's waffle and it felt heavy. I knew what sort of feeling that waffle would give my stomach. So I finished my ice cream and told Jack I didnt want to eat my waffle. He said "its fine we will take it home" I didnt want to push my luck with food and I could hear food thoughts starting up too

we stayed til 9:30pm but my god did i need pain killers as harvey's living room seats are hard, no padding, outdoor seats T^T

we got home and I wanted drugs pure and simple. We had Oz in for 15mins he couldnt want to do toilet on his clean blanket at 10pm -_______-

then we went to bed, told Jack I was having food thoughts, he was like "it was a small pot of ice cream, you will be fine (weight wise)" I said "believe me, I KNOW" T^T doesnt stop the thoughts happening.

It took a long time for me to sleep even tho I had taken a sleeping tablet

today

I dropped Jack off for work and came back to find the electrician and his son outside.

so I had them in the study and craft room - where i wanted to be. plus the electric + internet was turned off. I literally couldnt do a damn thing. So i curled up on the sofa

they finished tho around 11am ^^ they even hung two new lights up for me which was nice of them. I paid them and they said they would help with any future electrics

I sorted out my boxes and then had lunch, then had Oz in, he 'helped' me sort out more boxes and then i booted him out. Mum came over at 2:30pm we had a cup of tea and she brought me food too ^^ Jack came home at 4pm and then mummy left. I spoke with Jack about school he said on monday I have got to have a meeting with head of science about my absence >< 

we had dinner and cleared up and Jack has gone to play D&D, he said he can skip if I wanted but I wanted him to enjoy himself after a hard week at work

I won a pair of drawers on ebay, which I am hoping I can collect tomorrow!

I need to do some exercise tonight, not even used my new weights yet!!

tomorrow

I have a hair cut at 9:30am then taking Jack to munchies for breakfast takeaway then hopefully collecting my drawers!

not sure what else will happen. I would like a few things drillings but see how Jack is first

wore a dress for the first time this year

 Evening

Ah still not sleeping, hayfever and heat -______- same for Jack

We got up at 6am and first thing I did was die on the toilet for a good 20mins woohoo -____-

just when i thought when I was getting better that had to happen >.> god knows why too

I dropped Jack off and got back to go for a very warm walk mia....my god it was hot and I had all clean clothes on too and my top I am not joking it was ringing wet, even my pants were wet. Just disgusting. We were only gone 45mins but god it was so hot. 

I had got back at 10am and felt disgusting. So I decided to go for a shower as I knew I was not gonna last the day feeling like that 0.0 so clean clothes again for me! This time I put on a new dress! My first dress wearing of the year. I felt so free and loose

I took Oz over to mum's with me and we sat and had a brew, then lunch and eventually went out to the shops it was so hot. I got a few bits, managed to buy some storage boxes for my crafts which is what I went for but I didnt manage to get a chest of drawers which I need for my craft room but they ether werent big enough or I wasnt paying £150 for something I didnt even like that much. Might have to be an internet  job and do it up my style like my dresser. I will keep my eyes open for drawers online

we got back and it was sooooo hot. Mum helped me cut Oz's claws as my god did they need doing, they were long over due, must have trimmed 7mm off him. He must feel better for it. Didnt realise they were that long.

I came home with my Ozwald, put my stuff away and about 15mins later Jack came home, we flopped on the bed as it was 32c and we have hayfever. We ate dinner which was the thai curry we put on this morning it was sooo nice ^^ then we both fell asleep cus were both not sleeping, its hot and hayfever is draining as hell

We had a bath and chilled out on sofa, we're not doing yoga tonight as we're both shattered and dont want to sweat again. I have done my morning yoga and a walk so I have done enough exercise. Oh I picked up slightly heavier dumbbells today! can't wait to have a go with them ^^

Think I will treat myself to fruit loaf or hot chocolate tonight :3 

tomorrow I dont have any thing planned actually

Jack and mum both said I looked very pretty and cute in my dress today ^^ I might put it on again tomorrow actually. It goes down to my knees and is tshirt sleeve so I dont feel exposed and uncomfortable in it.

No anxiety this morning!!!!!!!!!!!

 Evening

I didn't sleep so well again last night, I am blaming hayfever and this heat!! Jack said he hardly slept at all. So we both couldnt be bothered to get up this morning! And nether could Oz! He didnt leave his cage til 10 mins after Jack had opened it up XD Just was not happening here at chateau lapin at 6am today!

Still, I did my yoga and my mindfulness targets - which I can say I totally nailed!

I went with Jack to school and I didnt feel anxious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That awful sicky anxiety was not there this morning!! woohoo!! shows Jo is improving ^^ It could also be that I havent died on the toilet for 2 weeks and I am actually absorbing my antidepressiant. 

I went straight to mum's from dropping Jack off, surprising her. We had a cup of tea and I was able to see her for 50mins before she went to work and I got to see the piglets too :3

I came home as mum went to work.

I got 2/3 things done from my mindfulness list done. Which was to touch up the walls where the carpet fitters savaged my walls, and wrapped dad's father's day present up for sunday.

At this point I wasn't sure if I was gonna go to bed or a walk, but judging the sun, I decided I would in fact go to bed. I woke up to find it was lunch time so I had my soup whilst watching some vlogs

and to be honest I have had vlogs on all day really as hearing voices doesnt make me feel so alone in the house and I am not always in the mood for music you know? I didnt learn anything of interest but it was something different.

I had Oz in for an hour he was happy bunny ^^ I caught him sitting in my sunflowers this morning which was very cute.

I did my exercises as I felt in the mood to move so I did 35mins of working out which did make me a bit sweaty but these clothes need to go in the wash anyway

I went and did some drawing, then marinated my pork for dinner then made some banana biscuits. I decided to add fudge chunks to the mixture and I was really looking forward to that and yeah it was a bit disappointing. Then again, I didnt add loads :/ but it was something to snack on as I was hungry and didnt want to have another slice of fruit loaf X3

Jack rang to say he was walking up to the house so I got a cold drink ready for him and was like an excited puppy to see him again -____- need to reign it in Jo XD But Jack finds its endearing and cute so its all good. Its cus I havent spoke to anyone for hours and my excitement and energy just comes pouring out at once. And my love for Jack obviously X3

He was so tired and is so tired. Said work was so busy that he didnt get lunch til 2pm and dint get to finish it til 3pm and also he hadn't slept so I felt bad for him. He is missing me at school and so is Julia he said. We did dinner which was good but gave me stomach pains for some reason. It was only pork and veg so nothing weird. 

After dinner I did a few chores and uploaded my new ninetails picture onto red bubble

https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/Ninetail-fox-fire-by-LunatiqueDesign/80353094.7KE4Y.XYZ

makes me wonder which will sell more my old design or my new design

I will have a bath in a moment then Jack said he will have it after me

then might do some drawing or something who knows, I have almost done the outline

tomorrow

dropping Jack off at work then Mia is coming over for a walk at 9am

then i will go over to mum's for an early lunch then we said we would go home sense as I want a look round and hopefully find some draws for my craft room and maybe shelving. We shall see! Hopefully tomorrow I wont have any anxiety ether!

started my 6am yoga and mindfulness

 Evening

I had a milk hot chocolate last night! it was white and very sweet ^^

but cus Jack faffs a lot we didnt get into bed til 10:45pm

I was shattered T^T

I got up in the night needing a drink and a wee. mouth was so damn dry but I managed to get back to sleep luckily. I know Jack hasnt been sleeping well due to hayfever. He is trying not to sneeze loudly in bed but his sneezes still makes the whole bed rock. But I dont say anything. I hoping my hayfever isnt too bad this year. Im sure its made worse at mum's due to the guinea pigs

So this morning was my first morning of getting up at 6am for yoga!

it was actually a nice way to start the day and Jack said - surprisingly - that he preferred to get up earlier as it meant he had more time and not rushing. 

I then wrote down my 3 mindful things

3 things I would like to get done today + 3 ways I'd like to be/feel

yoga and mindful is all to help my anxiety, i figured I wouldnt be getting any mental health help any time soon so I have been researching ways to help myself.

we set off for school, as we were getting closer to school i told Jack that I wanted to go school whereas last week I couldnt face going to school. So thats a step in the right direction huh, and on the way home I called in the corner shop for leeks and garlic bread

then I came home and had a cup of tea as I felt tired and so thirsty

the whole damn day I have been super thirsty and my mouth tastes like death. I am putting this down to yesterdays jab as I dont usually suffer like this

mia came over at 9am for a dog walk and I didnt get home til 10:30am the dogs were dragging their feet and yeah just took us a long time to cover not much ground but good to see her and chat to her. She says I might be able to see her on wednesday for another walk depending if she decides to take the day off work XD

I got back and went to bed, I was tired!!! I woke up 2 hours later to the sound of the school behind my fence, it was lunch time apparently! 

I got up and had my lunch which was good it was just a bit lonely, so I rang my mother

she came over for 90mins for a quick catch up and a cup of tea which was nice

then she left me so I could get some drawing done!

took me ages to draw umbreon's outline just cus I tried doing it a different way but I didnt like it really so I redrew it.

my brother rang me to see how I was as I had txt him this morning, he seems fine. I am totally fine weirdly.

Then as I hadnt heard form Jack I figured he was coming home late so I thought I would have a 4pm brew by myself, I brewed up at 3:50pm and had a piece of fruit loaf then jack came home at 4:10pm typically. He had forgotten to txt me to say he was coming home >.> but still he had come home on time which was nice. 

We got on with dinner, I made fish pasta from scratch it was really good but made jack far too much >< he was so full >< we were both sweating after we ate XD Jack washed up and I had an early bath as I didnt need to do any exercise as I had done 15mins of yoga and a 90min walk so I think I am ok on the exercise front! Jack had the bath after me which meant we both had pretty free evenings! He is gaming by himself but Harvey says he might come on. I might talk too whilst I am drawing, I keep popping downstairs and putting a layer of nail varnish on in between things

I spoke to Jack about my anxiety, that basically it makes me anxious going to be 'late' as I worry about not getting enough sleep for work and being tired and not being able to get through the day and being able to concentrate. When I am not at school I dont worry AS much however I still dont appreciate being in bed late. At the moment I am not at school but I am still waking up to school hours so I can go with Jack to school so I am still going without sleep. Jack might be able to live off 7 hour a day - but I certainly can not. So I said I would like to put that into place next week but he says we cant start it this week if it is to help my health. I feel bad and selfish tho as it means less gaming for him and he cant sleep when I can, but he says he will just play on his switch in bed. He seemed fine about it. I said he can stay up later on friday and saturdays. Also it does you good to have routine at night. I know I need this. I think we are trying it tonight so he is finishing gaming at 9:30pm >< I do feel bad....

tomorrow

nothing planned yet, just going to see how I feel. I might touch up the walls were the carpet fitters took chunks out my wall. I could pop over to mum's for more of my craft stuff as well I guess.

1st Covid Vaccination

 Nya~

I did not sleep well -____- I was restless I think

despite going for an evening walk with Jack and having a nice bath, i was just restless. I wasn't even thinking about my covid jab but maybe that was what was doing it?

Oh yeah i was really annoyed yesterday. I went to wash my hair and when I looked at my sudsy hands from shampooing my hair - the suds were purple!!!! T^T the hair dye is once again leaving my hair >.> it is true then it seems that ginger hair is hard to dye. So weird. So I have given up I think cus yeah it just keeps washing out. My brother said I need to bleach my hair but I do not want to do that. I love my hair too much to damage it like that. It was tough enough to put permanent in my hair!

So this morning we could already tell it was gonna be warm....and yes it reached 32c. It was predicted 27c. We went off to shopping and found a shaded spot which was far from the shops doors but meant the car was in the shade. We left it there and walked over to the other shops as we usually drive but there is no shade where the other shops are. I was anxious going round the shops for some reason. I blame it on lack of sleep.

we got home and had a cup of tea and then did my soup, had lunch then my parents came over and Jack and dad did my craft desk! it is in now!! the glue is drying and I need to stick the sides on to neaten it up. But looks amazing and doesnt look like a kitchen side. It was time for our covid jab at 3:15pm. Of course i was anxious. we got there to find the carpark dead. we walked up to the doors and cleaner said "you should have had a txt from NHS saying that the vaccines had been distributed else where and the next batch were due in a 4pm" we could ether come back later and tell them whats happened and still get a jab or drive across town to an open clinic today.

we came home after that anti-climax. What a waste of life as it then meant we had a pointless half hour to kill. Not to mention it was roasting. it was 32c by this point. 

we went back out and the carpark was busy. there was a que of people and we had got there at 3:50pm to beat the que! so much for that! saw my brother down there as his appointment was at 4:15pm. he was in the line behind us but I went to go talk to him.

we eventually got called through after waiting 25mins....and I can tell you the place didnt have AC....it was rather sweat inducing. So I was getting rather worked up at this point. Like i do if I kept waiting for a blood test, my anxiety spikes. And it had had time to spike. Jack was keeping me going but every member of staff I met was like "are you ok?" I think they could see the fear written all over my face. Our turn came round and we sat at the mini tables they had set up but a nurse came over to me and said "I think she would benefit being in her own booth" so they took me to this very enclosed space like very small, it was sat in another seat. A part of my brain was trying to say

"dont have it sitting up, you will faint!"

it was hot in there and I was feeling sick. So after all the questions the lady got the nurse over again, not sure why, think there was something she wasnt happy with and I said to the nurse - after she had asked me questions - "I am prone to fainting after injections" she was like "right ok"

came back a minute later and I had to moved - again - to a storage room - like bare brick and everything XD its such a pop up clinic so I can't dis but it was just so old and gross. They laid me out and I felt better for being laid out. The lady didnt inject me but the nurse herself just came in and quickly jabbed me!! I was glad it was my right arm too as its the same side as my piercing so at least I have a side I can sleep on tonight! it was sharp but very very fast. She said "I think quick and fast was best for you, you needed to get it done and over with" she was right, I needed it over with about 35mins ago tho -___-

but I had been done. Then I was left to recover. Jack was taken away for his own jab, which started to stress me out a bit as I felt he was taking ages but I was told to stay so yeah, all I wanted to do was find him. He did turn up and we eventually got out the building for fresh air. My brother had waited in the car park for me! He was waiting to see if I was ok. even tho he came alone and I had Jack. So that was nice of him. He did well.

he noticed my "ive had my covid vaccine" sticker

I was like "a lady gave it to me, I told her I didnt need one!" he just shook his head

we came home and it was like 5:10. a flipping jab had taken all sodding afternoon. So I havent been able to get my new lighting up, or draw. But then I have to be grateful of being able to have a jab. Im just annoyed at how long it did take and we had to go down twice! But done now til another 8 weeks.

we had dinner after resting with a sweet cup of tea - mum rang to see how I was and told me my brother HAD to have 2 chocolate bars when he came in XD

Jack is just hoovering as that didnt get done today ether! honestly. I know I wont get any drawing time tonight as I havent done any working out or anything yet. Its 7:45pm. I need to bath and see Ozwald as well yet ><

tomorrow

I am off work and going for a dog walk with mia at 9am after dropping Jack off at work

I am sad I am not going work but I know it is for the best

not sure what else I will do, hey i might just get some drawing done, you never know!

I have been researching ways to help with mental health and anxiety and studies show that doing 10-20mins yoga when you wake up sets you up well for the day with how you react/cope with with stress and to help with anxiety. This means getting up at 6am but I used to get up at 5:50am when i was at home so I know I can do it and I would like to try it. I will start that tomorrow

this is all providing I dont feel like death after my vaccine of course!  

Covid Jab tomorrow!

 Konbanwa~

I enjoyed my hot chocolate last night even if it was a water one

I struggled to get to sleep and was only asleep for a hour, I woke up in pain and got up for pain killers

I did eventually get back to sleep, I didnt need to stay up by myself or anything

I got up at 8am, Jack said around 6:30am I snuggled over to him and slept on his shoulder.....Why do I do this in my sleep!? so needy even in my sleep ><

We got up and opened up all the windows and got Oz up, we had breakfast and mum popped over for her gardening stuff she forgot to take back yesterday, she didnt stay tho as I was eating breakfast and the electrician was coming over at 9am

after he had been over and talked Jack through everything, we also got the bill. Which was so small!! honestly we got such a good deal but he is a friend of dad's, although I had never met him before, he didnt need to do a good deal for us.

when he left we got on with chores, I did the bathroom and cleaned out Oz. Jack mowed the lawn and also jet washed the pathway round the back of the house. I was quite done in after all that so we had a cup of tea and then I went to sort more stuff  out in my craft room. I have sorted out all my stuff I have brought over so far. I literally need to just bring over my fabric, machines and then my draws 

we had lunch and we both fell asleep after lunch, in separate rooms XD 

I went to go and draw and as I sat down to my laptop I saw my brother pull up onto the drive XD he bought my new shoes that had arrived ^^ he stayed and talked to me for a good hour

then I did dinner and I made it best I can as I know its one of Jack's favourites ^^

after dinner we went for a walk which was nice actually. We left Oz out as he was happy outside and we were only gone 40mins

then I had a bath whilst Jack played with Oz inside, i got dressed and booted Oz outside whilst I watered my plants, I need to go put him home and its like 10pm! but he hasnt been able to play most of the day as its too warm for him. Tomorrow its suppose to go up to 27c!

I ordered some lighting for the porch, and lightbulbs so I have a few things that need to go up!

I didnt get round to any drawing but I hope I will tomorrow!

tomorrow!

its weekly shop in the morning then picking up the lighting I ordered then Jack wants cider from a different shop XD then we will come home

at some point my parents are coming over as dad is helping put up my craft desk! and I also have lighting to go up. 

at 3:15pm we have our covid jab,, my brother has his an hour later. Be good to all get done.

Not looking forward to it tho T^T my brother says he doesnt think he will sleep as he will be worrying about it. I think I will be worried about it when I physically there but right now I feel ok about it all, strangely. As when people have been talking about it, it usually spikes my anxiety but i do feel ok right now. Maybe I will stay ok :D

started next pokemon picture

 Evening

I woke up for a wee at 1am and decided to take pain killers whilst I was at it as I was not in the mood to be in pain all night, I slept through the night

This morning, I felt pretty flat. Just like deflated somehow and a bit lonely. Didn't want to be parted from Jack after I had dropped him off for work.

I got home and the electrician showed up 5mins later. He stayed til 1pm

I did a bit more sorting out in my craft room. Filled my welsh dresser anyway! It's got room in a cupboard for more plush and figures but I haven't dusted them off from my old bedroom yet.  I tossed out a load of crap but what I did come across was a folder full of OC's (own characters) me and mia made maybe 15+ years ago!! My god they are sooooo bad! Haha but we were so invested in them at the time XD I txted her to say I had found them and we were laughing. I said I hadn't got all of them and asked if she may have them so I think she might have a look tonight just for a laugh if nothing more!

Mum came round at 11am and we had a cup of tea. I had been snacking all morning, first day I had wanted food for ages! I did an hour worth of weeding outside and mum helped and continued long after me as I had to go and talk to the electrician. He left so me and mum had lunch :) 

We were gonna go for a walk but I was tired and mum had back ache and could see I was tired. She left after we had discussed a few things. I went to bed for 90mins. Finally!! all week I have wanted a sleep during the day and I finally got it today!!!

Jack came home shortly afterwards and we had a tea. He said that his D&D wasn't on tonight. So I used the opportunity to go for a walk with him as it was nice weather. We came in and had leftovers.

Then I sent a few txts and rang doctors requesting another sick note.....yup I am having next week off as well. I feel I would only be pushing myself, undoing all the rest I have done, and just making myself worse for no reason really. Mum, Jack and Mia all agree that is the best decision. Plus I have my covid jab on sunday so if it does make me poorly I can take the time to rest.

I did a bit of drawing this morning~

started drawing umbreon and flareon for Tara's birthday present. But didnt get very far but I might get further tonight maybe.....

Tonight I might add a bit more hair dye over the dye I already have on, yes I did fish my bottles out the bin...but its washing out a bit! 

I also might try my weights even if its just a 10min video

yeah not really planned my evening XD its all mights and maybes XD

tomorrow

the electrician is coming over in the morning at 9am to talk to us about what he has done and what our electricity looks like now kinda thing. Jack will want to know how it all works! and no point in telling me really XD

apart from that no other plans as such.

2 lots of company today

 Evening

I did a bit and I mean A BIT of yoga with Jack last night, I could tell he wasn't feeling it so I didnt push it. We sat with Oz then I had my first milk hot chocolate since my diet. Really enjoyed it. Vastly better to water hot chocolate. Now I have had the lactose blood test and come back fine, I know I am ok to have milk! 

We watched chobits but it was a boring episode I felt.

We got to bed and I felt sicky again cus of my medication. So I struggled to get off to sleep

I slept through the night and got up with Jack this morning

he drove to work and once again on my return home I passed my brother going to work. He drove by, again, with his arm out stretched going by me with his middle finger in the air at me. As he knows it would make me laugh seeing him do such an arse hole thing

I got home and found mum taking the piglets round to my garden ^^ I was so happy I had managed to catch her :3 so I had a quick hug from her

I had the electrician over at this point

and I just could have done without it, I needed sleep I was tired. I kept drifting off and he kept wanting me and ugh it just felt like torture.

I tried to do a bit more of my drawing but couldnt concentrate 

at 11:15am mum came over and had a cup of tea with me then was off home for midday. But the electrician said he was gonna go home too for the day. So mum asked if I wanted to go a walk. I grabbed my lunch to have at her house.

I ate with mum which was nice as I had wanted company all morning, felt tired and lonely

but after I had eaten mia txt me saying she had finished work early did I want to do a dog walk

so I told mum and mum told me to go with mia as I am seeing mum tomorrow anyway. I felt bad but it worked out well. I brought more of my craft stuff over to my house then went for a walk with mia which was nice

then I think I was home for 15 mins when Jack came home :D 

so I wasnt really left on my own too much today

oh and mia really liked my hair ^^ no one says "what did you do!?" anyway XD

we had dinner and I got stomach ache and I laid on the bed, made myself too hot, over heated, felt poorly and tired so i had a bath but could not be bothered to wash myself I just wanted bed.

After my bath I worked on my ninetails picture and I got it finished, so I will upload that on instagram soon. Not sure which one of my pictures to start next. maybe tara's birthday one? its another pokemon one anyway!

I am gonna go sit with Oz now anyway

Jack says we can have an early night as he can see how tired I am

I didnt work out today as I went for a walk and can't manage much else!

its hayfever season for me now and its exhausting me

Jack is bad too but he started about 2 weeks ago, my season started this week. 

Here is Oz modelling my new carpets~

tomorrow

the electrician is coming again T^T

think mum is gonna keep me company so it doesnt feel like such a long day

I was crying last  night as I am unsure I am gonna be well enough for school next week but I dont want to take anymore time off

Attempt 2 with the hair~

 Evening

I exercise last night, I think no matter what I would have chosen to do it would have been an effort. I had been tired all day after all. I managed to do a 25min work out and was tired

we watched Chobits but I felt sick and achy in bed. I did get off eventually 

I had upset stomach this morning and felt pretty rough

Jack drove to school and I came back to find the electrician pulling up so that was good time

I then did a bit of drawing on ninetails

Originally I had draw fire, but it wasnt going right or it just wasnt suiting the image so I have gone without it. I will work on the background next on photoshop I think

It got to 10:15am and I went over to mum's

I hoovered out my car whilst she had a quick cup of tea

we then went to the shops~

I managed to get pyjamas, currently all the pyjamas I own are bunny pyjamas apart from one which has sea pandas on XD So I was hoping to continue the trend of bunny pyjamas. Mum found 1 pair of bunny print pyjamas!!!! I was so happy ^^ I also got some wrist weights, seeing as I am always using weights now I did want some for my wrists next, these are 1kg same as my ankle ones i think? I got some skin care stuff and pair of thinner joggers as all my joggers are thick ><

I picked some clothes up for Jack - he hadnt asked me to but he never buys clothes, looks scruffy, wears the same stuff and his friends make fun of him wearing the same stuff and looking like a 40 year old man. But I feel he has his old age to not care about himself, hes only 27. So I try and help his appearance....

I picked up some hair dye too, to have another attempt. I brought red and purple!!! no off shades for me this time, I went for it!!!

we got to mum's I had my lunch that I had brought over.

I packed up the remaining of my anime figures and my plush and took it home. I was home just before 2pm. I went to check Oz in the garage he was fine ^^

The electrician had his son over as it seemed to be a rather big job doing our lighting....like hardly anything is earthed in this house...I just sat in the bathroom dying my hair XD

I just went for it. and my god the colour....its pretty loud...

I then just stayed quiet really as the guys were all over the house and it was so hot out and I was tired

they left around 4ish and Jack was home soon after

He was shocked by my hair and he likes the clothes I picked out for him too

we had dinner then we both fell asleep after dinner - in separate rooms i left to be comfy on the bed.

think we are gonna do some yoga now

I might put some more hair dye in my hair as I quite like it and have loads of dye left.

might have a hot chocolate tonight

tomorrow

electrician is coming. again. with maybe his son

its not turning into the relaxing week it was suppose to be ><

not sure what I am gonna do. Mum says as she is round the corner as a neighbours she will pop the guinea pigs over to play outside in my garden ^^