Miho got her gifts!

 Konbanwa~~~

I slept ok but I still felt tired when I got up

I was also anxious, very anxious. And not even sure what I was anxious about!

All day nothing has sat right in my stomach. I have been hungry all day like no food leaves my stomach to my intestines like I have 'road closed' sign up after my stomach. But food has been giving me stomach ache as well. Every sodding meal. I had to hot bag on my stomach on the way to school and I have had it with me a lot today.

I was anxious at school and a bit teary 

I was anxious about  my biology lesson

and there was enough to do today but wasnt run off  my feet like yesterday luckily. I still got very little time for art or anything fun.

I just wanted to come home

I did have extra food with me at school today but made no difference T^T

I came home and had a cup of tea with mum and Jack

then had dinner which was pizza for jack and stew out the freezer for me.

then died with stomach ache for an hour

then I did 15mins of exercise and had a hot bath

not done anything else really

I am shatttered

I dont care what Jack choses to do tonight but I am in bed for 9pm

I need sleep!!!

Tomorrow is school and thank bloody god it is friday

on a better note

Miho received her gifts from me today!! she really liked them and her son Leo loved the Molcar plush I sent them and the guinea pig books she was even kind enough to send me a bit of footage of him saying he had got a Molcar <3 hes only 2 ^^ We both said we would like to do it again

I might suggest in the new year as we can maybe pick up some stuff in january sales. I am glad we have both enjoyed it tho. I t was a fun experience and I am actually really happy she is up for it again ^^

slight lay in before school

 Evening

I was in bed for 9:10pm last night and slept through til 6:50am which was a slight lay in compared to normal as we were going butchers for 8am. As it turned out googled lied to us and it didnt open til 8:30am so we waited around a bit. A little bit annoying as I could have had even longer in bed!!! ><

Got to school and was rudely spoken to by a certain member of staff as she was doing a practical and I wasnt getting it all ready for her as I wasnt in! But as she rudely spoke to me I didnt bother to help or assist really. I walked off to see if other staff were ok

Jack helped me today with bagging the hearts up. He held the bags open I put the hearts in

he helped with my washing up load, and pushing out heavy trolleys as earlier today my knee joint hurt bad from trying to move a heavy trolley with microscopes on. Jack said I should have got him to do it but he was not around, what was I to do

After school mum came over, she brought my dyslexia report from college as I need it for work. Jack happily read it whilst I was talking with mum. It was good to see her finally

Oz has enjoyed playing out and being inside bless him, happy bun

Mum was late leaving so I did my exercises whilst dinner was in the oven then had a hot bath after dinner which was nice

tomorrow

school, hopefully got a bit more of a quieter day, I did manage to put up some display work today but not actually do any art work

so I may get some art done or Julia might want some acid making up. I shall see how the day goes

Im just glad it wasnt another day of horrific pain

She lost Todd

 Evening

I kinda forgot to do my diary, when I was gonna do it my brother rang then I just forgot!

My monday was ok as far as mondays go

I had a lot on and a practical I had got to get ready but no one thought to tell me they werent actually doing it til wednesday....thanks for that

we saw people queuing for fuel when we left for school and when we came home. Madness.

I couldnt wait to finish school I was tired

I had an easy enough dinner, but didnt feel like exercising. However I still did exercise for 10mins

I also got my occupational health report which Jack read then he gave me the gist as I didnt want to read it really. He says they cant discipline me from reading that so that made me feel better

my brother rang me for 20mins which was nice

we were in bed for 9:10pm I was done 

I didnt sleep too bad but I had been aching in bed and couldnt get off to sleep so at 10:20pm I got up for pain killers and dosed myself up

I didnt want to go to school this morning

my day was hard as I knew it was going to be. Had 6 practicals and the big 2 to get ready for tomorrow as well. Jack has helped me but all day my pain killers have done nothing. Not even touched it. Like they were empty tablets. I even took an extra dose at work but it did nothing but give my liver a harder time. I wanted to cry in the afternoon as I had been in agony all day with no let up. I mean I ache constantly my whole life but pain killers do take the intensity off. This was just awful and it becomes relentless. I have to think and do my job in this state whereas all i want to do is go to sleep so i can escape pain.

we prepped all we could for the morning as we are gonna be late tomorrow morning!

we came home and brought Oz in as it was raining. Jack made me fruit loaf and tea and it was amazing especially combined with a lot of pain killers. I went to lay on the bed for 40mins not that I slept but I just needed the comfort of bed.

I did dinner as it was noodles and I used a sauce instead of making a broth just to save me

I am not exercising tonight, I want an easy night of just soaking in a HOT bath and then having an early night this is what I will do. Self care

tomorrow

its school and we are going to the butchers to pick up 65 pork & lamb hearts. They dont open til 8am and we normally start school at 7:50am. So we will be a bit late. I imagine we will be there for first lesson however we have done as much as possible for first lesson and Julia knows the score.

I just hope I feel better tomorrow and not have another day of this

I was suppose to see mummy today but no way could I do that after school.

Mia sent me sad news whilst at school, Todd her family dog was put to sleep today. He was 17. I really liked Todd. I had known him since the first day she got him and I grew up with him really. He was the only dog I had gotten to know as previously I was quite scared round dogs. He made me put trust in dogs and not just think theyre all out to bite me. She said she is very upset which I can imagine bless her.

finished the first drawing

 Evening

I was soooo tired last night after we had come home at 9pm

it had been a LONG day

I woke up at 8:30am, meaning I had slept for 10 hours ^^

not only that but I slept IN MY BED for the first time in a long time. I slept through the night too. I had done so well.

I had breakfast then went to clean Oz out, whilst cleaning him out my mum appeared! She was just dropping a few parcels on her way to the shops and she gave me a cuddle and things ^^

so far my day was good

at 10am we set off to Jack's mum's as it was her birthday

I got there and noticed there was 50th everywhere...he never told me it was a special birthday -___-

I would have made her a special card or something!!!

So I had to sit there and talk and be polite, I was given a home made scone which was nice, at this time of day I would have eaten one of my home made biscuits so I was glad of something. Later on a lovely homemade and very sickly looking cake came out, we sung happy birthday and I very much looked forward to some cake....did I get any!? No!!! WHY!? it just didnt get cut whilst we were over and we stayed til 1pm T^T I was dying I had had enough. Needed food and pain killers

we left and I drove home, there was load of people around so it was stop go stop go - football match on >.> ugh. After I got past that there was a mile long line of traffic...what the hell!? I panicked and got stressed until I managed to smoothly drive down a road parallel to the blocked on and that saved us probably 20-30mins but I was very stressed at this point. Could not wait to go home, be comfy and drugged up. 

we had lunch and I went to bed for just 45mins as it was too late to have a longer nap

I got the odd job done but we had to have an early bath of about 4pm so I didnt get anything done what I wanted to get done

then we went over to Harvey's which was ok, I mean his sofas are nice looking but are not comfy in the slightest. He went for looks more than a practical sofa so I always dread going over. We ordered food but I took my own food as take away gives me bad stomach pains. The meal estimate kept getting pushed further and further back but we had already ordered dessert from another place. I was starving and didnt want to eat my dessert before dinner as thats just wrong

so I sod the guys and ate my dinner at 7:30pm as I was starting to feel sick.

the dessert truly did arrive before the meal. So we ate the dessert I had a sundae but couldnt finish it I had half of it so Jack helped me out. Harvey had to chase up the burgers a couple of time. They arrived at 8:15pm and they ordered at 5:45pm. Jesus. 

we left at 8:50pm I was glad to leave

I had had enough of being round people and sitting down

I hadnt done any exercise all day but I hadnt really eaten much extra so I didnt have anorexic thoughts

we got Oz in and had him in for a bit and he was happy bun

then we went to bed and we could hear the festival going off - which was why there was so much traffic earlier it was because people were trying to get into a festival.

I managed to get off to sleep in the bed again ^^

woke up at 7am and there was no Jack he said he got up at 6am cus he couldnt get off to sleep

I made my biscuits in the morning and we had Oz in for like an hour as well

we did our food shop but I felt really worried on the way there as there was the biggest line for fuel i have ever seen. I didnt know anything about this and it freaked me out. Jack told me people are pointlessly panic buying fuel. When we left the shop the line and got even longer!!! So I rang my mum when I got home and was like "do not go that way!!" blocking islands and sets of traffic lights. sheer madness.

Jack helped me do my soup and I cooked my pork for breakfasts for the week whilst soup cooked

after lunch I had a sleep for 50mins as I felt exhausted. Yesterday did a number on me with aches and such.

When i got up we went for a walk which was nice as it was like 23c and you gotta make the most of this weather! We got back and had a cup of tea and then I did some digital drawing! I even got a picture done!! thank god. For the first time I actually got some drawing done and started another one!

we did dinner, and I helped Jack in the garden and now I am gonna have my weekly pamper sesh in the bath, do my nails later on too.

so its been a bit full on I must say and yesterday I felt wasnt everything it cracked up to be

want an easier weekend next weekend

tomorrow

back at school T^T

I have got a nasty practical back to back in the afternoon

I have the morning to prep it and practice it to see if it will work

I have asked Jack to hold my hand

completed my first full week in months

 konbanwa~

I didnt sleep great, was up til midnight, had a lot on my mind I guess. Then kept waking up

so I felt quite shattered when I got up

I was glad it was friday but I was also ready for it to be the weekend ><

School was ok really

I made 15 litres of hydrochloric acid up, all in an hour as im an actual pro XD

Got my practicals done, washing up completed, tidied up, technician meeting as the 3 of us are stressed with a few things. But I caught up with everything finally - 4 weeks into term and only just caught up....jesus. Managed a bit of art too which was nice as well. 

Mum sent me a txt saying she was cleaning my house *0* and sent a photo of Ozwald as well

so that was all very lovely and kept my spirits up

we got home and had tea and fruit loaf with mummy

she had dusted, hoovered, done the pots, watered the garden. ahhhh i felt spoiled! She did so I would hopefully have some time to myself this weekend as she knows I never get time to myself anymore and my saturday is going to Jack's family and friends. So she did it for me ^^

We had dinner then I instantly fell asleep on the bed. Only for 45mins but god I fell into a deep sleep in seconds. I was exhausted. Mum and Jack had said I looked shattered and pale :/ working myself to death as per usual I guess. Its been my first full week back in months, it was bound to be hard

I did a few bits then 15mins of exercise then had a bath

Its friday so Jack is gaming. He woke me at 6:30pm when he was about to go game and I will wait for him as he says he will be done at 10pm he said I can go to bed sooner if I like but I said I would wait for him :) I like going to bed with him.

Tomorrow

probably clean my chunks out in the morning for him to ditch his cage 10mins after its been cleaned....thats something Oz seems to do each week >.>

Then setting off at 10am to Jack's family's as it's his mum's birthday so were having a cup of tea and cake with them. 

Im hoping to come home for lunch, have a power nap then do some art. Then we are going over to Harvey's for takeaway, well I am taking leftovers from mum for my meal but I will have dessert with the guys. So a full on day of socialising >< 

I just best have time for my art damn it >.>

being disciplined at work!?

 Konbanwa~~

I woke up for a wee in the night, woke up at 5am and was pretty awake after then. Annoyingly

So this morning I felt sicky anxious but I knew it was just because of my test

Jack did go through some questions with me after our break at work, he just said them not wrote them down and I got them right. So I was feeling quite confident and wasnt too nervous come actual lesson We were given 20mins to do the test, I finished in 7. So I checked my answers 

I actually got 32/36! I was aiming for 30 so I was happy with that

a few kids got full marks but Luke was sceptical but its what you get when you mark each other's work. Lowest was 25 marks so I am glad I got what I did really. If I hadnt revised I would have probably got around 10 to be honest. I would have felt real dumb. The revision was needed.

I came back and announced my marks to Jack and he was so happy and proud ^^ He asked where I lost marks and I said I lost 2 on the diagrams, which is when Luke said lots of people lost marks there as its such a bad photocopy. Julia assured me that on an actual exam paper it will be clear and not a copy of a copy of a copy....yeah I couldnt tell what the arrow was actually pointing too! But it was experience that diagrams can look different.

Lunch was needed, and I txted mum what I got in my test ^^

I had my occupational health appointment at 2pm. Lasted 56mins

the lady on the phone was very lovely and I had to go through all my illnesses, my medication, how I feel, a depression test (done these like 1000 times in my life), we talked about my dyslexia and that I think I have ADHD and she said I might be able to get screened for that if theres funding. Which I would do as it means not going on a 3 year waiting list from the GP. She finished up with

"so I think youre ok to attend a meeting about your absences"

come again?....

"what meeting?"

"well because you have over the limit of days off, you have flagged this service as part of the school's protocol. You will need to have a meeting with your manager and a member of HR to see what can be done about your absences and if you need to be disciplined"

I suddenly felt panicked. I had no idea I was having a meeting with someone high up

and disciplined!?

I said "well as long as I have my manager with me as hes my partner too"

she said "no you cant have him there if hes your partner, its conflict of interest"

so that was a meeting I now I had to do and by myself. I felt sick

"why am I being punished? I was poorly I had a sick note from the doctor"

"people do feel like theyre being punished but it just to see if any chances can be made so they can keep you in work and not have as many days off. I believe you will fall under the disability act and as such they will have to support you"

I came off the phone and thanked her beforehand

then cried

I think it was cus I had had an hour of talking about  my health - which I HATE doing

and finding out im having a meeting, with no support to be potentially disciplined

Jack found me as I was opening the office door to let air in, I was hot

I was crying, he made me a tea and talked it out with me. I can have a friend there in the meeting and he said he would go as a friend and get his manager to go as hes still my manager just not direct line manager. its head of department and hes nice enough

i was left feeling quite drained tho by this point

luckily there was less than an hour to go

we got home and mum was home, she had been watering the garden with Ozwald

I had a brew with her and then we all left at the same time as I had doctors appt with Jack

they were running 40mins late so it about killed me off waiting in the car for him but had to be done I guess. Hes got to go to neurology and have a blood test. Its cus he has drop foot for the second time.

We came back and had dinner, then I had tummy ache - pulled pork leftovers strikes again

did 10mins of exercise as it was all I could manage

had a bath then just doing my diary whilst Oz eats me out of house and home

friday tomorrow

and then I would have done my first full week back this term XD

I hope I sleep tonight

stressed, tired and got my first test tomorrow

 Evening

To say Jack didnt come to bed with me last night I did actually sleep really well. Dont think I even noticed when he came to bed. I got up for a huge wee at 1:30am but soon fell back to sleep.

We didnt take Oz to daycare/mums as its not worth it. He came out the garage by himself so I think he is feeling a bit happier today. I noticed when I took him home this morning that he had eaten a fair amount of food during the night which I was relieved about as he had hardly ate all day yesterday including his carrot which isnt like Oz really. 

School was ok just at times very stressful - staff made is stressful

but its because it was open evening for the next year to come up so parents were bring up their year 6 children to see if they want to come to our school next year. It was made stressful as no one seemed to know what they were doing or what they wanted! I got stressed. For 15mins it felt like my medication was stuck in my throat from taking them at lunch. My stomach kept getting churned by anxiety and stress so it hurt. Bloody teachers >.>

We came home and I let Oz out who safe to say has made up for food from yesterday >.>  eating me out of house and home! we had a cup of tea and a piece of fruit loaf and sat for 30mins which took us up 4:50. It is now 8:40pm and we have just sat down. We had 20mins sit for dinner between then. But its just exhausting we've been up since 6:15am. Just none stop always something to do always chores always work. I never get to do anything for myself anymore. I was grateful for Jack doing me another biology test and stuff but on the whole. I just never get time for myself anymore.

This saturday morning is going to Jack's family as its his mum's birthday

the evening is going to his friends. So I have effectively lost my saturday as I will have chores to do between then. 

I envy people on instagram posting so much art each week or several times a week. I couldnt hope to achieve this!! But Jack says people like that often are night owls and have no job or life. Which I know in a lot of cases, is true. But still I do envy free time.

I will try not to moan. I should be grateful for everything I have

Im tired I know I am

So I am gonna take my bunny home in a minute. Going to give him some fuss then take him, hot chocolate then bed. I feel the bags under my eyes are actually pulling my eyes down!

Tomorrow

ugh tomorrow

another full on day

I have my first biology test just before midday, 2pm I have occupational health ringing for an hour. After school Jack has the doctors. 

so yeah another exhausting day

Slept deeply for the first time in months!!!! and I get praise ^^

 Pyon Pyon~~

I slept. Like deeply.....really odd. For me anyway XD

I woke up feeling like I had had a deep sleep. I found my phone on the floor but it lives on my bedside table I dont go to sleep reading my phone. So at some point I had knocked it off in my sleep and even that hadnt woke me!! So strange. I did nothing different tho......

So this morning, Oz didnt come out in the garden which isnt like him. I went to find him and found him sitting on the planks in the garage, i thought I would bring him in for morning carrot and he panicked in my arms as I got closer to the back door. I think he thought he was going in the carrying case - he didnt want to go daycare. I keeps massively stressing him out. 

I said I would give it another go as it means he wouldnt come out much during the winter months, but seeing so unhappy and stressed gets me het up as well. Also hes 4 now and only has a little heart, Id hate for the stress to get him to and he have a heart attack - it can happen!

So txt mum and told her about Oz that he would be staying home. I think this is it now. I think no more daycare. What was meant as a nice thing for him (company and exercise during my working hours) is just stressing him out now. He will be home tomorrow, I hope he comes out in the morning.

I was a little bit anxious about school but it was actually ok and I got it all done including the god forsaken online training. But yeah it was an alright day really. I was just shattered after it

mum was already here. She had done 30mins of gardening for us which was nice of her

I had a brew with her, whilst Jack wrote me some more biology test questions.

We did dinner, which was spicy noodles....Jack thought it was nice and not really spicy....

the first mouthful blew my face off, after the 3rd mouthful I lost the ability to taste anything, after the 6th mouthful I saw Jesus. 

After dinner, my lips were burning like id had the skin pulled from them, my throat burned and my stomach like all my intestines felt burnt!!! Jo does not do spice ><

After I recovered I prepped tomorrows dinner with Jack, then did my biology test and Jack kindly went through it again and I got 13/15! He praised me and said I am always improving ^^ He never makes me feel stupid. Which is how a lot of adults made me feel whilst growing up, which led to me not asking for help, which led to me struggling through my school life. I somehow passed my exams but barely 

I then did a choly ting work out and I was using my weights for the whole 15 mins but it about killed me off!!! Jesus! It wasnt even that 'bad' but god I was done

had a nice soak in the bath

Just looking at make up whilst Oz eats carrot in front of me. I have been thinking of wearing some but Im really into my skin care, I would hate to put something on my face which ruins my skin or makes me break out. So I have ordered a conditioning blush and conditioning lip. Different brands and I will see how it goes I guess. I havent worn make up since before corona!!

Jack is gaming tonight hes been gaming for an hour and I said if hes finishing at 9:30-10pm to not bother coming to bed with me and stay up til whenever as I like to be in bed for 9:30pm. So I am not sure when he will join me. He told me I can get him if I need to tho.

Tomorrow

school really, nothing special, not many pracs so I might get some art done!! <3

oh I was praised - not to my face - by dept head again today when she found out that I was responsible for the displays in science. She asked who did them as they were the best in school

damn straight ^^

sometimes its nice to be praised, other times I dont feel good enough for praise.

depends on what mental state I am in ^^;

better monday than last

 Evening

I slept pretty well despite having to wait for Jack to shower, get dressed and come to bed

We got ready for school, Oz was not feeling daycare

School was ok

I got a lot done, and the helper got all my pipettes washed! *0* I was so grateful as they were making me depressed!! I painted The Simpsons 3 eyed fish for a display and the teacher loved it XD Did some online training everyone in school has to do but its so tedious, got my practicals done. Got practicals tomorrow too but nothing major just messy ones. I have got an A-level one to practice this week tho

Jack's doctors appointment got cancelled annoyingly but hes rearranged for thursday

we picked Oz up on the way home and he was panting bless him, its the shortest journey ever

We got home and had a home made scone from Jack's step dad and a brew so that was nice

then Jack wrote me a proper science test as I need to practice before thursday. I got 13/19 but lost an easy 3 marks so I know where I need to improve and he is so supportive and good. I didnt do the test til after dinner tho. We started eating dinner outside which was nice but a wasp wouldnt leave us alone and jack doesnt do wasps so we came inside which was a shame.

After dinner I had stomach ache and laid on my bed. Pulled pork is just too rich for me I think as it keeps doing this to me.

I did my test then Jack went through it with me, did 10mins of exercise then had a bath

Just doing my diary with Oz and Jack is here now.

We will probably watch anime and go bed I am dead!! Anime we started watching is Demon eyes Kyo its from 2002 so its old and we only watched the first episode but like tsubasa I found it slow. Just a lot of staring at one another kinda thing. Not enough action all talk. Jack has told me to give it another episode at least before I cast judgement XD

Tomorrow

is school and hopefully I will see mum after school~ 

it was nice to complete this monday as last monday I went home crying and worked from home

Day spent apart

 Evening

I could not sleep last night due to the Live thing going off at a park 2 towns over. Its called Detonate and its literally a DJ in a park blasting out bass or NOISE cus my god thats all it sounded like last night and only started to fizzle out at 11:30pm. At which time I was up eating biscuits and Jack slept. I was in bed before 12 but it went past 12 by time I slept. Woke up at 7am

Had breakfast with Jack, cooked my meat and biscuits and cleaned the bathroom all before 9:15am which is when James came to collect Jack. Its 9:30pm and he is yet to return TT^TT

I have spent the day taking breaks and doing my biology work which came out well

then at 4pm I took Oz over to mums and cut his claws which got him quite stressed

I had dinner there and ate with my mum and dad as my brother wasn't home. So I didnt want to eat alone. I stayed til 7pm. 

I came back and did 10mins of exercise as I felt like if I did anymore I would be pushing myself despite the fact ive eaten nothing but bad stuff all day >< 

I then had a full on pamper in the bath, face pack, hair oil, hair mask. Then came out and dyed my eye lashes and eye brows and then sitting with a face sheet

as I finish writing this my Jack has just come home

got school tomorrow

id like to do a full week XD

hes got doctors after school 

shopping for like 3 hours this morning....

 Konbanwa~~

I only remembered about doing my diary at like 10pm last night so I didnt bother

Yesterday was ok, it was the first day were I have thought "I am actually getting over this cold" as I was actually starting to feel better....8 days later >.> 

school was busy but a bit lighter compared to other days this week, and I got a lot done! I almost caught up with my washing up but I still have plenty to do. Washing up actually breeds in my prep room. I said to Jack that I really hoped I would get some time to do some art today

and I did! I managed to put the backing up on the display, paint black biohazard symbols on it and let the paint run and drip it looks sick. then I made the border which is yellow and black stripped like hazard tape. It looks cool already and its not finished. Its for a nuclear display.

We got home, without Ozwald. Which was very strange indeed. It did not feel right, we both said it. But I was seeing mum later on that night so I said I would get Oz then

we had a rest and I did 20mins of exercise whilst Jack was in the shower. I about died as I was exhausted but needed to get it out the way and needed to keep going. We had dinner when he came out of the shower. Then I went in the bath and Jack went to game.

I was over at mum's at 6:30pm. she got in my car and I said "wheres you handbag?" 

she said "I dont need anything so didnt want to bring anything"

I said "mum go get your bag otherwise whats the point in coming!?"

she said "no im fine im just keeping you company"

so I drove us to tk maxx as I needed a few bits, I walked off getting what I needed which was face wash (as I dont like the one I am currently using), weights (mine gave me a sweat rash as theyre horrible, my old ones broke and these ones are awful), and a flower pot for Jack's nan's birthday

I found mum, she had 4 hangers over her arm

I said "so whats all this?"

she said "i know, but I just found them"

I said "I did say to take your bag with you"

she said "I can pay you back" T^T why mother why. just cus you dont NEED anything doesnt actually stop YOU from getting anything XD I managed to find face wash, new weights (even heavier ones I was well happy) a pot, a halloween mug, and of course I had so buy mum's stuff. Funny hers came to more than mine >.>

we got back to her house and she gave me a couple of cup cakes she made, I ate those and went to get Oz in who was sat on the decking in the dark. I had left him in the shed when we went out but yeah him just sitting there honestly looked like he was think "has she forgot to pick me up!?" he looked so lost and forgotten about it was very sweet and I wanted to squeeze the living day lights out of him. He sat on the sofa with me and I stayed half hour then came home with Oz.

He 'helped' me pack Miho's presents to send to Japan. I then unpacked all my stuff from TK, put Oz to bed and then made biscuits. When I was finished it was 9:50am I had been up since 6:20am I was dead.....Jack finished gaming just after 10pm. 

we watched the last episode of Tenchi Muyo, not sure what we will watch next!

we didnt realise that the last episode was an hour long....thought it was going on a bit! Thank god it wasnt a school night. We got into bed at 11:30pm....my god

I woke up at 7:30am and had a wee and did my teeth then dived on Jack who was still asleep, he said it was a nice way to wake up XD he made me breakfast which was fruit loaf and tea, which is why I woke him - food.

so this morning we did the sheer amount of errands we had to get done. We left the house at 8:50am

post office collection - for a missed parcel

post office - to send Miho's present.....cost £23 T^T + my car Tax £210

into the next town

butches - bacon sandwich which was Jacks breakfast

Boyes - plant feed and few housey things

savers - beauty and house products

jewellers - needed a new earring as one keeps reacting in my piercing

dropped stuff off to the car

poundshop - sweets and a pumpkin mug and pumpkin glass ^^

wilkos - storage box and outdoor paint for car tires

back to the car to drive to asda

did our weekly food shop round asda which was cheaper but more stressful as it was busy and full of not nice people really. I was getting quite stressed. 

I was exhausted.....

I drove us home it was 11:50am

we had been 3 hours!!!!

we had a brew and put stuff away and then made lunch then I went to die in my bed as I was just dead. I got up and cleaned out Ozwald

I chose a design for tonights nails, and sorted out beauty products and sat round a bit

did the dinner

now just doing my diary, I will do my work out, have a bath then do my nails ^^

tomorrow

Jack is going over to Birmingham with his family who are kindly picking him up at 9:30am

so I have the day to myself! I am going to do my biology work and got the bathroom to clean. Not got to make soup this week as I have loads in the freezer!! I will go over to my family's at 4pm for dinner then come home for a bath and Oz and get ready for school.

Mum has bathed the girls so I get to sit with the clean fluffy sows ^^

Test next week

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night thank god

and didnt feel too deathy when I got up ether, Jack said he was doing pretty ok too. Hes still got a lingering runny nose tho

We dropped Oz off for day care

School is just so hard

its so busy and I am also not feeling 100% ether.

I as going to meet with head of science at period 2 but he found me at the start of the day and asked if we could meet now >< was not prepared for this! But it wasnt too bad. I dont get told off or anything but I just always feel inadequate by having days off

I did just find the day difficult. Its like I can't think straight or have enough energy for any of the tasks ahead of me. Yeah I just need to be well -______- Jack supported me

I had my biology lesson which was just so much to take in its unreal. We have a half hour test next week too on all we have learned in these 3 hours! So our homework is to revise!! ><

I was looking forward to doing some art after my tasks were done but the washing up and mess is just mounting up like its breeding. As I actually had some energy after my tasks I did an hour of clearing up. I was sweating. It about killed me off but I can see a bit of work space appearing. Yes its as bad as that. The place is a sodding mess. I hate it. But theres just not enough time to do everything. We need a 4th technician but the school wont pay for another member of staff >.> like we 3 are paid anything decent anyway! we are one of lowest paid schools in nottingham

But there is a lot of support for staff which is why I stay at the school. Also this year the school has decided to pay for flu vaccines for everyone who wants one. Typical you know as this is my first year being asthmatic and as such I get a flu vaccine for free on the NHS anyway now. So its annoying the year the school decides to pay is the same year that I will get them free every year from now on anyway! 

Mum txt to say she had dropped Oz off at home before she went to her massage which was nice of her. We popped to a corner shop on the way home for stuff for lessons tomorrow. I was knackered but didnt want to be doing it tomorrow morning really

we came home and I had fruit loaf and tea which was amazing and needed

I laid on my bed til dinner as Jack was just having pizza and I made him cook it, I was dead

we had dinner then I went on my laptop for a bit. Now I am gonna do a bit of a work out, just 15mins again like yesterday as it is more than enough for me right now!

Tomorrow

is friday and school. Thank god its friday it has felt like such a long week 0.0 I am also seeing mum after school not seen her for a few days

We were both back

 Evening

I couldnt get off to sleep and ended up getting up for 2 wees >.> and today been peeing for britain but I think you do pee a lot when you're coming to the end of a cold

So we got up and asked each other how we were feeling

Jack said he wasnt too bad, I honestly thought he would be really poorly as I bloody was on day 3 >.>

I felt a bit deathy but really wanted to go in. So we got ready, dropped Oz over and went to school

School was hard and I was having massive anxiety! I had to go and walk outside on the streets to get red leaves for an A-level practical first thing. What with my anxiety, cold weather, and sore throat, I actually couldnt breathe. I was almost staggering back to the prep room for my inhaler. I have never been that close to a full on asthma attack. Honestly couldnt breathe, or get a full lung in. I wasnt frightened as I know thats the worse thing you can do as worrying messes the breathing even more. I eventually caught my breath but it did leave me somewhat shaky so then I was recovering from that. Ugh guess I was still pretty sick this morning. I did have 2 members of staff say "take it easy" "can tell youre not right your not your usual bubbly self" yeh people can see when I am sick

Jack did my to-do list with me as I wanted to go through what I needed to do and stuff. He felt more capable today than me ALSO the physic teachers had prepped their own lessons and put it on their own trollies!! How unfair, come on biology teachers >.> So Jack said he would do my biology lessons today. He gave me jobs to do today and once I had done those I would be allowed to do art. 

I didnt get that much art done as it goes....but never mind.

I got the day done even if it was a massive ask.....jesus I was exhausted and starving

We picked Oz up, not that he would come for me T^T I was so hungry and tired Ozwald.....and we had him for 2 hour last to dry him out and it meant 2 hours of fuss and treats and he still gives me the run around, I worked out he actually wanted a wee before being picked up thats why he was running around. I saw him do a big wee then went to pick him up. But he still ran off!! Actual git

we got home and I had tea, fruit loaf, pain killers, hot bag, joggers. the lot.

I hadnt got to cook as we put stew on this morning which was nice its just not my kinda dinner really.

Then I havent done much else but rest really as I feel tired but I will do a 10min work out just to help me sleep and help my pain and well being. Then have a bath and sit with Oz. Asked Jack to finish gaming at 9pm so we can watch tenchi and go to bed on time as we both need sleep.

tomorrow

school, period 2 I have a meeting with head of science about my absences....then period 3 I have my biology lesson. Then the day to get through. Plenty of sodding practicals T^T

we're both of work sick!!!

 Evening

So last night, I had sleep tea and sleep tablets, I had done a bit of a work out

this was all so I could SLEEP

could I? I was so anxious and worried about sleep

at 11:30 I got up for a bit, but I couldnt help but feel alone with my thoughts so at midnight I woke Jack up which was a hard task, how deep does that guy sleep!? jesus....he was struggling to stay awake and I told him I have already been up and didnt know what to do. I told him to go back to sleep, he was of no use to me >.> So i laid there and laid there

I decided that missing another day of school isnt worth all this and I wasnt gonna go

when I made the decision I wasnt gonna go, I fell asleep! Funny that!

We woke up to the alarm

I felt shattered and like death, I was coughing a lot and couldnt get my breath, amazing how different it is having a sore throat when asthma. Jack looked awful and sounded awful. It is definitely the same bug. He looks how I was at the weekend.

We just both said "can't go!" We have never done this before, both been off sick

Poor Julia!!! is all I could think

Jack rang us both in sick and rang Julia to tell her whats what and not to stress shes only one person and if teachers didnt get what they need so be it. I am keen to know who demanded their lessons in full and who said "its cool leave it" I want the details from Julia

we were back in bed for 6:30am and got up just after 8am and had breakfast

and what a waste of a sodding day

seriously

I do not cope well with resting. Spending the whole day sitting and laying is like sheer torture to me. I did feel like crying a coupe of times as it feels so unfair. Jack went to game playing turn based games by himself but on the whole he just sat round but thats not really anything out the ordinary for Jack

I made biscuits and cut his hair that was like only two productive things I did

I didnt exercise as I hurt from exercising yesterday. I dont mean like "i havent used these muscles in ages" hurt its more "i hurt and ache cus I am poorly and need rest" So I was hard on myself and didnt exercise. Despite my desire too. The fact that I am of course gaining weight as Im eating none stop and doing nothing. Jack says he has a splitting headache and is hungry which is how I was

I know I am getting better its just slow

I did a little bit of digital drawing and ordered a few bits online and yeah just waited for the day to bloody end. We had Oz for 2 hours this evening. Simply because the little critter thought it was a good idea to play in the rain, which I was ok with as he needed a stretch. Its when he then sits in the mud whilst its raining and trying to wash himself.....like go in your cage and dry off!!!

So I brought him in and discovered just how wet and muddy he was -______- Ozwald....

so we towel dried him and brushed him and kept him in to dry. He thought it was great XD as its 2 hours of treats and fuss. Cant help but feel we played into his paws....

Chris txt me this evening to say he was off too, cold also....god so much going around and only week 3 of term. It was so different this time last year as people werent getting colds so much as we were all distant and wearing something called MASKS.....

so tomorrow

we are getting up for school and putting the stew on.

and I have told Julia and mum that we are going to school unless I txt them otherwise

I hope I can go as I do not want another boring dull painful day tomorrow...... 

But god I hope I sleep. My body is achy and tired but god knows if I will actually be able to sleep.

cried 3 times at work under 2 hours must be a new record

 Evening

despite having sleeping tablets I woke up like every 2 hours....why!? well unfair

I felt shattered for school

I took Oz to daycare and he seemed to be ok actually and mum text later to say he was ok

I on the other hand was not ok

I was home by 10:10am.....and in those 2 hours of being in school I cried 3 times!!

could not handle what was going off around me. Just didnt feel and wasnt well really. We did another covid test before leaving the house and all was well But I am still getting over this cold which is just a raw sore throat now. Im not having to cough much but I do feel like crap. Keep shivering even tho I am not actually cold and just feel exhausted. I have now passed it on to Jack hes full of cold, like how I was on saturday

so anyway, after crying 3 times I said to Jack I wasnt well. He had said to stay home anyway but I didnt want to rack up any more school days off sick. So he said to go home, he had been so supportive through my tears and things. I asked if I could take my painting home and just do display work from home. He was fine with that. To be honest I think he just wanted me home XD

I got home and went to bed for an hour after a cup of tea as my body was just shaking it was stressed out.

I got up and painted and painted. Mum came over for lunch and brought Oz over, she only stayed an hour as I said I needed to work and she was draining my energy.

I kept painting and sitting cus I was flagging a bit.

Jack got a lift home and we had a cup of tea then I did some more painting

reluctantly made dinner, did some more painting as I was determined to get it finished and I did

Watered my plants and noticed several have rabbit teeth marks on.....thanks Oz

I feel I should exercise as I havent done any for 4 days but I have found it difficult just to get through the day never mind extra. But I need to now. I have been eating endless sugar and my joints are hurting from lack of stimulation/exercise....so I found a video of kpop dancing it doesnt look hard. Its 20mins but I dont think I will do the full time

as for tomorrow....not sure yet.....apart of me thinks "stay off and recover" but I dont want to. I might just go in and see how I do again. Or if I am like death in the morning I will have it off.

I would like to go school tomorrow!

 Evening

I had to get up just for about 15-20mins til 11:40pm as I needed pain killers and more food. Whats up with me!? literal bottomless pit I can not remember being so starved for days on end. We all get the odd hungry day but this like day 3 of sheer hunger!!!

I did sleep pretty well after that. Dreamed of being a wolf then I had a dream where I went to Mia's craft fair and she asked me to get something from her car, I decided to drive it but I left the handbreak off and it wheeled off by itself and crashed...I didnt know what to do XD so I woke up

I got up at 8am, Tara had messaged me to say she had a great birthday. James had arranged for them to feed the tigers at the zoo! How exciting! That is an experience and a half. She also loved my present. She said she doesnt want to use it but I told her she needs to!!

This morning I did feel quite rotten and didnt have much voice, however I still dragged myself round the supermarket and it about killed me off!! Jack unpacked as always and we brought Oz in for a brew and fruit loaf, our usual sunday routine. Then jack helped me do my soup

He hasnt done much all weekend. He has hoovered and did an hour of gardening but apart from that he has literally just been on his phone. Id be so bored and feel its such a waste of time!! hes only reading too hes not playing games or messaging people. Literally reading crap. Dont know why hes done bugger all this weekend. I didnt have the energy to tell him to do something.

I did a bit more digital drawing for the first time in a long time!!

I made biscuits as I have scoffed them all, I cooked my meat for breakfast for the week and did dinner. So much food!! I have eaten a lot today also. I managed 25mins of yoga. Had an hour's sleep

Jack has said we will see how I am in the morning whether I can go school or not, I have said I am going. He said "we will see" and gave me a look that said 'no arguments' jesus >.> Ive told mum Im going and dropping Oz off for daycare

I thought about Oz and daycare. Mum lives less than 3 streets away, streets that are like 60houses long not 500. She lives a very short journey, no traffic lights ether. Oz needs to suck it up. As if he doesnt go to daycare come winter time, it is dark when we get home from school and before school. I will boot him outside before school as it does get a little brighter towards leaving the house, however I am less happy about him being out after 4pm during the winter. Its cold and dark. So if hes not at mum's during the day he literally will only be going outside for an hour each morning everyday thats it. all other time will be indoors. So he is going daycare damn it. Its for his own well being as he will become lazy and inactive - more so >.>

I had a nice pamper in the bath

we had Oz in for over an hour he loved it

I hope I sleep tonight

tomorrow is school and I would like to go!

full of cold....T_T

 Konbanwa~

despite not being able to breathe I did in fact sleep!

I woke up at 6:30am tho...and felt like death. absolute death

i could barely talk or breathe. I have green snot and a blocked nose

however I guess this a bit reassuring that it is just a cold and not covid!

Oh it is also Tara's 30th Birthday today!!! I wished her happy birthday and I drew for her that picture of Umbreon and Flareon and got it printed on glass kitchen surface protector, I hope she likes it

By 9am I had gone back to bed after Jack kindly did me tea and fruit loaf

I got up and cleaned Oz out, Jack assisted as I didnt have my full strength

he did offer to clean Oz out but its more effort than its worth so I did it with him

Then I cleaned the bathroom which practically wiped me out

I sat with Oz for half hour then had lunch then went to bed

I got up and did my biology work. Then jack insisted we go for a walk so I could get some air. I managed a 10min walk and found it exhausting

The whole day jack has been on his phone or on his PC. He has literally done nothing today

Once I did my homework I then had a look what I had got people for xmas, wrote a list, looked for gifts online ordered a couple of pieces. Mum dropped a parcel over which was actually a jacket for her for christmas not that she knows it! I like to be prepared with gifts

I dont like buying everything all in one day or week, I do it throughout the year and store it. Better on the wallet as it spaces expense out and also gives me time to think about gifts and not just random tat

I designed my nails for tonight as I am gonna do those later

I made dinner which was good 

I enjoyed my bath and now just doing my diary with Oz

Honestly today tho I am a bottomless pit! Im like a guinea pig! I have done like no exercise for 3 days but eaten for britain. Jack says you need calories when youre sick to fight off the infection. My bod must be doing war as it keeps having hot sweats im guessing it is literally heating up to kill the infection XD Im trying not to think about how much I have eaten and the fact I have done no exercise for 3 days in a row now. Not good not good. My mind is telling me how fat I am ect but I am trying to think that I need food and rest!

tomorrow

got food shop, Jack has already said I can wait in the car. Like hell. I want to choose my meat and fish!!! I havent got anything else to do really

I hope I feel a bit better tomorrow

i know first thing in the morning is always like the worst part

Off school already!! 0.0;

 Konbanwa~~~

So wednesday I was complaining to Jack that my throat was burning but didnt think too much of it. Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat, headache and just felt a bit death like

I went to school tho after doing a covid test which was negative

School was HARD

back to back practicals that everyone wants all the same stuff!!!

I also had my 2nd biology lesson which was making onion slides and using microscopes

I actually helped Luke with the onion slides rather than get my own microscope and do the work tho. So I didnt get the work done. It was a lot to take in again....I literally cant read off the board whilst Luke is talking. I can see why I struggled so much in school. Blame it on dyslexia 

The rest of the day was a slog and I kept losing my voice, not completely but it was certainly quieter

I could have cried when i read that I had just as busy day the next day. I couldnt handle it. I couldnt prep it. And just sat under my desk for the last half hour of the day. Jack helped me loads to be honest.

I knew I wasnt right as I was getting goosebumps in a 30c prep room

Mum had been at our house putting plants in and doing too much work. she had been in the heat and made herself feel a bit unwell in the sun. So she had gone home and I didnt get to see her and it was just as well as I got home, had a cup of tea and went to bed til 5:10pm. Jack came in and said we need to dinner. I told him to his own as I wasnt eating

"you cant not eat"

"ill just have fruit loaf"

"you need to eat more than that"

"i wont starve and die from not eating 1 meal. Food has made me feel sick afterwards every time today. I also have no energy or will power to cook"

"Ill cook. I dont mind"

"no youve done enough, you even did some of my work today"

"its fine Jo we are a team and we look after each other"

so with that he left me on the bed and went to make me omelette, wedges and beans. He had kieves and chips from the freezer. He told me I didnt have to eat it all but at it was the first meal hes made me since moving in I made sure to eat it all XD

I laid down on the bed and then forced myself to have a bath. I felt exhausted. I didnt turn my laptop on at all yesterday

On the sofa later I said to Jack

"I actually dont feel well. I dont think I can go tomorrow"

"I dont think you should go tomorrow"

I set the alarm and went to bed after anime, I told Jack I would at least take him school

I did sleep pretty well to say I felt like death. However the best voice I had was whisper voice likemy voice had been reduced to that. I was talking normally but came out as a whisper its so strange how it alters your voice like that. I am normally LOUD XD

I got up this morning and had several debates with Jack about doing display work all day the office at work, working from home, working half a day. I got ready in my uniform then after breakfast I said

"i dont think I can go"

I just didnt feel well as much as it killed me to admit it as I did not want to stay home and miss a day of school on the 2 week of term!!!!

he said "i really think you need to stay home and rest Jo you look sick"

so that was that

he drove to school, I saw Julia in the carpark and I explained to her and she said I looked shattered but I was like "I slept!!" the whole time saying this in my whisper voice >.> she said her and Jack could cover me. But I had such a busy day on!! I felt awful for getting them to cover for me

I drove towards home and called in mums, just the drive back felt exhausting honestly. So I knew I made the right decision staying at home today

we had a cup of tea and I stayed there 9:30am and came home for an hours sleep

I got up and made biscuits which took it out of me. Had lunch whilst catching up on youtube then I sat round and mum rang me saying she was coming over to keep me company before Jack comes home. I had regained a bit of voice by this point. She was getting her shoes on to leave just as Jack came through the door. They made the joke of I go from one carer to another >.>

I sat with Jack and heard about his day. He had a shower and we did dinner not that I wanted it

then after dinner I was sitting drawing nail designs and prepped some paper with tea for tomorrow. 

Throughout the day I have been thinking of xmas gifts and ordered a few things and looked at some things. I have also spent time with my Ozwald. Glad I have him but he didnt want me T_T 

We are just with Oz now before he goes home for the night

I am still gutted I had to have a day off today but cant be helped. I ache a lot but poorly ache so there was no point in pushing myself to exercise also I think I would have made myself very unwell. I feel guilty having two days in a row not exercising!!!!

Tomorrow might do chores, nails, biology work. Anything I want as I dont think I will go anywhere dont think I am well enough to go places

26c at 7:50am..

 Evening

I slept! Lord knows how as it was hot! But the fan did its magic and we somehow slept!

It was set to be another hot day anyway -_____-

as I sat to eat breakfast I had a facebook message from Jack's step mother......?

Ive met the woman once and the only contact I have of Jack's entire family is his mum's mobile number. I have no ones facebook or anything. But she had messaged me

"Jack's grandma has had a fall. We have messaged him but he is ignoring it. Please could you get him to contact us. She is very frail"

I turned him "JACK!!!" He was like "what?" I told him

He looked at his messages and his step mum had indeed messaged him....at 11pm last night

I looked at my message....11;50pm.....so when we were sleeping....thats hardly 'ignoring' is it

but I did think she was a rude woman when I met her. Jack said he would get in contact

we got ready for school and I went to go round Oz up to drop off at mum's

however he wasnt outside like usual, he was by the front of the garage out the way which was odd. I went to him and he ran off and ran into his hutch. He NEVER does that. I opened up his cage and he went all low and submissive and started panting. I took that as "i dont want to go in the car"

he HATES the 2 min car journey to mum's it stresses him out so much. So I told Jack that I think we need to listen to Oz's way of telling us he dont wanna go bunny daycare, and leave him at home

I rang mum when I got to school as she literally had just txt Jack asking if we were ok i.e. no bunny, is everything ok.

I told her that I didnt think Oz wanted to leave the house today. She said it was fine and she would check on him. I said he would be fine. I had locked him up with food and carrot and left the garage door open and window.

I got my morning done, the prep room was soon heating up tho and did reach 30c+ we had the fans on but they do nothing. we sweat just sitting in our seats.....

at lunch my mum kindly went to see Oz and sent me a bit of footage of her stroking him. He looked fine, cool, wasnt panting. I can not believe how relieved I felt. i wasnt even aware I was that worried about him. I knew he was ok, I had been thinking about him all morning and the day felt out of routine some how. But seeing he was ok was really good. Jack rang his grandmother he hasnt spoken to her in a couple of years or so.......I think he said shes broke her hip? shes in the hospital anyway. He only spoke to her and didnt actually ask her what was wrong or what happened...jesus

I got the rest of my day done whilst sweating

we came home had tea and fruit loaf then literally just sat round as it was too hot and tiring to do much else.

we had dinner

sat round after dinner

I managed a 20min exercise and it wasnt anything much but made me sweat buckets

had a nice bath, now just sat with Ozwald

going to watch tenchi muyo with hot chocolate i think tonight.

tomorrow

its school and my 2nd biology lesson ><

I also have several practicals to do!!!! all at the same time!!!!! its gonna be a really rough morning i know it is.

Me and mum have said we will just see how oz is from now on. Its not worth stressing him out. He is staying here tomorrow as mum might do some gardening. So he might as well stay here and help mum.

its like 30c+!

 Evening

I slept

thank bloody god

I did near enough fall straight to sleep too but think that was just sheer exhaustion

Next thing I knew I was being awoken by my alarm.

It was another damp morning which to me is always a sign that summer is on its way out

My day was ok like nothing bad, but for some reason all morning I felt drugged up like I couldnt stop almost falling asleep. Just keeping my eyes open was a fight. I didnt feel tired as such but my body wanted to just be in bed, eyes shut. Didnt know what to do to be honest.

I felt like if I was to push through it as it had been going on for more than 2 hours now, that I would probably pass out. Not to mention it quickly got to over 25c+ today and for the prep room that means at least 30c no fan or air con. So I thought if I do push on I will make myself unwell

I gave in and ate 4 biscuits and had a sweet cup of tea and regular rests.

I did get everything done today but it was a real effort. Only around 2pm so an hour after lunch did I feel like I could keep my eyes open. Its so hard to tell my body "no you cant sleep!!" Im not sure if I did just need food not that I felt hungry.

It was stupid hot tho. Where has this weather come from? and the humidity.....sweet jesus.....it was chronic 

Jack said I looked a mess. So Im guessing I looked bad as he doesnt usually say negative things about my appearance. He was hot and bothered.

On the way home my stomach burned with hunger. Not sure why as I have eaten more than enough today!!! mum brought Oz. I had tea and fruit loaf. Tea just to make yourself hotter! We got the fan back out it is that hot. I was tempted to get it out yesterday but today I have decided no more >< 

I made more biscuits, ate chocolate, ate a biscuit, did dinner

flaked out on the bed after bed as I was to tired, hot, and full.

I havent done any exercise so I do feel guilty for eating bad foods AND not exercising

I am trying to accept the fact that sometimes the body needs rest and nourishing. Today is one such day. The heat is draining. And I just didnt feel up to anything as I felt I probably would have made myself feel unwell given how I had been feeling all day. Didnt seem worth it. Wednesday is usually rest day so I will just take it a day earlier this week.

I hope I sleep tho, my mind is having a bit of a panic about calories and such

I prepped tomorrows stew with Jack then had a cold bath, I had goosebumps! I couldnt wait to get out but it served its purpose of cooling everything down. Jack loved the bath after me X3

Just with Oz, I left him outside til it had gone dark as he hasnt been able to play out most of the day at mums cus the heat. He had the fan on his cage along with the girls. Mum said all 4 of them were sat against the bars of the cage enjoying the fan. Bless them. Hot piglets and hot bunbun.

I hope I sleep tonight. Always harder sleeping when its hot isnt it

I might have the fan yet

Tomorrow

just school nothing special, not got too hard of a day. 2 practicals but theyre easy just messy

its the time of year for food tests so its easy for me but a lot of cleaning up!  

Not a good way to start week 2

Evening

Did not sleep

like that was a BAD night

I was in bed for 9:30pm after watching the first episode of tenchi muyo, showing it to Jack I havent seen it since I was like 14/15. Tsubasa, like I thought when I saw the first 3 episodes when I was in my teens, is very slow and dull. But I said I will watch it

I couldnt switch off, the more I thought about school the more anxious I felt, I decided to get up at 11pm for pain killers, took too many on an empty stomach and felt sick. Really sick and i was back in bed by this point trying desperately to get some sleep before school! Then I started having sweats so I got up to open the windows at midnight and just decided to get up in general til 1:30am.......I went to bed but every time I dropped off I immediately had an nightmare or saw something disturbing. After the 3rd time of it happening I got up and went on my laptop. As it goes I was able to find myself a new hoodie finally and for only £6! I also managed to get some christmas presents! I came to bed at 3:45am but took me a while to sleep. I would have liked some more pain killers but knew I would probably have been sick. I was hungry despite having a cookie and apple. So I just laid there thinking "if I dont actually sleep then fine"

I did get off to sleep and woke 3 mins before the alarm so I think I got just under two hour......

Jack on the other hand slept really well again! I am so pleased. He was not pleased I had not woke him.

He is fed up of me doing things myself and suffering alone. So I have promised to make more of an effort to wake him to get up together.

we got ready for school not that I bloody wanted to go. I felt like death but hey I got on with it

I was even polite to everyone all day

not grouchy

got all my work done

no one would have known I had been overdosing and had under two hours sleep

We picked Oz up on the way home mum said she had told him off a few times today for plant chewing and such. I said I would see her tomorrow

we had tea and fruit loaf when we got home and did dinner which was good and filling even if it was 80% vegetables 

I went on my laptop for a bit and then did 10-15mins exercise as I didnt want to burn myself out, had a bath now just doing my diary with my lad. I have made  him a 'warren' with his tubes, the sofa and my dressing gown and he is loving it X3

tomorrow

is school and I have 1 practical and its very easy to get ready just a bit messy to clean up. Cant have it all ways I guess XD I would like to do some art as well if I can

please god let me sleep peacefully and through the night tonight