Halloween 2021!

 Boooo!

sleeping tablets WORK, like the ones you get on prescription - work

I took them last night and I could feel myself feeling drowsy within half hour and along with came the taste of death in my mouth

I went to bed and that was it I was out! Next thing I knew it was morning!! The night felt like an hour. I felt like I had actual sleep too. Jack said I hardly moved in my sleep whereas I usually move a lot in my sleep (I ache in my sleep as theres no rest from fibromylgia!)

So yes it was a good start to my day, I didnt feel tired and drowsy from the meds ether. I just had the words rankest taste in my mouth which affects the way food tastes. Nothing gets rid of the taste and everything doesnt taste as normal. I have had these sleeping tablets before, my dad last month was prescribed them, took them once and decided he didnt like them. So I said to mum "GIMME GIMME GIMME!!"  theyre like sodding gold dust! Doctors dont like handing them out

anyway

so last night was the art teachers halloween party! her name is Tracey and we went 2 years ago to her party which we both enjoyed and this year she was having an outdoor party. Lizzi the art technician was going so we said we would see her there

we got dressed up, Jack said I looked in my normal get up XD and he was a vampire he made a good vampire actually. 

The decorations were bloody fantastic honestly. Tracey said she had spend the last 2 weeks putting it all up and I could believe it. She had decorated all inside too as she gave the option to guests to go inside but she had also put gazebos outside and seating

we found Lizzi straight away

so we were with her and the other art teacher turned up with her sister so the 4 of us were chatting away, we stayed about 2 and a half hours. But I was getting so cold. My legs felt like complete blocks of ice. How Lizzi, dressed in mini skirt and t-shirt dress thing with stocking, wasnt freezing death I have no idea! she i wasnt even drinking!

I felt I had chest burn/heart burn whatever. I couldnt take a full breath in and then I worked it out -- its cold and damp I need my inhaler. So I went inside to a radiator to try thaw out, and it didnt work I still couldnt breathe properly. Jack found me 15mins later and I told him how I felt. He said we could go home, the other art teacher and her sister were leaving. We told Lizzi we were going so the 4 of us left. We had had a lovely time it was nice to see people outside of work and get dressed up. 

We came in and got Oz inside, despite it being 10:45pm! He loved coming in late XD we had hot chocolate with him, I had taken the sleeping tablet and we went to bed without anime. It was about 11:30pm when we got into bed

today

we went food shopping in the pouring rain my god the weather was horrid. We had Oz inside a lot today just cus its been too horrible for him to play out.

We came home and unpacked and had Oz in, had tea with him. Then we made lunch

after lunch i laid on the bed for a bit and then got up for a walk as the sun came out for one hour and one hour only today!

we came back and I said to jack I was hungry and needed brew so we had that and then started out pumpkin carving!! Mine was so hard to carve. It was home grown by the DT technician but the pumpkin flesh was 2" thick so it wore me out carving that bugger. Jack did a fantastic job of the ghost pumpkin. He said he felt it was the best he ever did. I was glad he had enjoyed it even if I felt like mine had been a total flop XD

we decorated the outside and put pumpkins in the windows and my light up pumpkin in the other window then we sorted out a few finances and then did dinner.

We answered the door a lot to trick or treaters! all our sweets went! so we quickly took down the decorations so the kids knew not to waste their time on us. After that think we only got called on twice but we obviously didnt answer the door as we had run out! So that was nice 

I then had a nice bath after dinner and a bit of a pampering, Jack had it after me and now we are gonna watch some anime with hot choc. I am going bed alone and Jack is gonna game with Theo. I am taking sleeping tablets again as I wish to sleep! I plan to be in bed before 9pm! 

tomorrow is school TT^TT sweet jesus thats come round far too fast

I can tell school is stressing me out tho even if I say "im fine" Im not. Im hearing tunes that arent actually there and feel very on the edge. yeah...im mental I guess....but sleeping tablets yay! 

new phone and going to halloween party!

 Evening

I am currently half dressed up in my halloween costume XD

So last night I was up til 1am by myself, trying to deal with self harm thoughts, it was awful and relentless. In the end I crawled into the bed rather than on the outside of it and cuddled up to my Jack and hoped all my thoughts would go and that I would sleep soon 

I did eventually fall asleep and woke up at 8:30am feeling hung over. I had taken 3 times as much pain killers I am suppose to. But I was getting desperate to just conk out. So I felt a bit rotten this morning

However I got on with my day

I cleaned Oz out and cleaned the bathroom - I have seriously had enough of cleaning this week!

Then I had a cup of tea with jack and then I dropped him off at the bus stop and I went to mum's. Jack was meeting Theo in town for a film and food. Mum was dying my hair for me. My red eyebrows dont look so out of place now my hair is red! She did a good job as always

After she had done that, I tackled a problem that I knew was approaching on 7th November....my phone contract is up! But as its in dad's name (I pay it tho) I was thinking it was gonna be a awful job to do as I would need him. As it goes, I didnt need him! I could look on my app on my phone and it said I could upgrade and picked which package I wanted. So I had 2 I liked I got my brother to look at them both but he recommended a Samsung Galaxy instead which was a pound more a month but if its gonna last me 2 years I dont mind and extra pound. My new contract is £13 a month for 2 years. My new phone will be delivered on Tuesday. Unlimited txts and calls and all that crap. I kinda pick phones on how good the camera is XD gotta get them pet pics! - thats all my phone is full of!

after that I grabbed my fabric boxes and brought them home. It had been nice to spend time with mum and I had lunch with her also.

I came home and let Oz out then flopped on my bed.

I am sick to death of being tired but its cus I havent slept properly in weeks

I rested for a bit then made myself tea and fruit loaf as Jack wasnt here to do it for me T^T

He did however come home with a very very very cute pumpkin plush I am so happy with it! and our new slow cooker! - its red :3 

I did us both dinner and then I flopped on the bed, having a moan that I was tired, have a headache and got to go look well for people in the cold. Jack was like "we dont have to go!" I want to go I just wish I had the damn energy for it. 

So he is just getting out the shower and I have been putting make up on. Actual make up! first time in 2 years. Only a bit of eye shadow tho XD nothing major as I dont want it on my face! But I have made some effort at least

I am going as a dead Japanese school girl! but with a 1000 layers on underneath as it is an outdoor halloween party so Im gonna freeze to death. Can already see your breath out there! its 7:45pm and we said we would aim for 8pm and stay for an hour or 2

come home and get Ozwald in and thaw out with hot chocolate

tomorrow

my last day off school

how has it come to that already TT^TT

shopping in the morning and soup to make then I have the day free~

2 hours straight of cleaning

 Evening

I didnt have to get up again but my god did I wake up loads...Jack said he woke up a lot. But he was thirsty  I said it was cus he had a load of salt before bed. It was a lot to eat - burgers fries waffle milkshake

I woke up at 8:30am anyway, Jack had left the bed. The bed was a mess. Looked like a war zone XD

as we ate breakfast jack suddenly got up and ran to the patio door as a cat just jumped on to the fence but didnt even get time to bring its self fully on to the fence as Jack startled it. We couldnt see Oz in the garden but I thought I would go see where hes at anyway. He was in the garage totally spooked, he obviously knew all about that cat. So I had the job of rounding up my scared rabbit. Hes terrified, he wants to come to my arms but just scared. I eventually get him, bring him inside for cuddles then gave him his morning carrot to eat with us whilst we finished off breakfast. He was a lot happier after that. Havent had a cat attempt the garden for months now. But still scares him, even if they dont get fully on the fence.

This morning I did a good 35min exercise video of weights, my muscles hurt!

then I went to dye my eyebrows and eyelashes

last time I did my eyebrows with the red dye I did it over my natural eyebrows, and it came out a nice colour but it did dye my skin a bit too and took like a full day to come off my skin.

This time, I bleached my eyebrows yesterday so they were quite blondy. 

And now......

I had freakin orange eyebrows!!! Like proper orange! and it has dyed my skin as well. I did my eyelashes which came out ok, a little purplish as they blue-black and I didnt rinse out the previous red in the tub and brush so it made purple. All in all, I look like a freakin clown! I kid you not I do look quite funny right now. I am hoping a day of cleaning my face and shedding skin naturally will calm the dye down off my skin and when my hair is red tomorrow it should blend better. As I have blondy ginger hair right now so they stand out A LOT. Yeah I do stupid things XD

I had a shower and then sat with a cup of tea and biscuit with Jack

I went on my laptop then had lunch, then made biscuits

then I went on a 2 hour straight cleaning patrol

god I was dead. I was cleaning windows and everything

but everywhere looks loads better and is all clean for when I go back to school as I certainly dont have the time and energy to do a big clean during school time.

Mum turned up just as I put the cleaning stuff away

we had a cup of tea and she brought me and jack 2 cakes each.

she was gonna go out for the day today but the weather looked crummy so they didnt go. So I said to mum to not be alone all day and come have a brew with me.

I then cut Jack's hair once she left then waited for him to shower then we had dinner

I fell asleep after dinner for a whole hour, I told Jack to leave me as I will take sleep when I can get it! I was woken by fireworks. Lots of fireworks.  What the hell!? but I guess next weekend is bonfire night so people are gonna be having them for the next few weeks I guess >.> all those poor stressed out pets :( they dont understand

so I went to go see my pet, see how he was and he was fine to be honest

I have brought him and the fireworks have died off anyway in fact its quiet out there now

Oz has been in an hour he looks so happy just laying with his feet kicked out

Tilly is doing well on her medication too, mum says she isnt squealing when going for a wee anymore which is good. Her meds finish over the weekend. We hope she doesnt have this problem again.

I am waiting for Jack to finish his gaming, he should only be another half hour. How the hell he sits for 4 hours straight without even standing up is beyond me. I know I could not sit there for that long. Physically and mentally 0.0

Then we will watch anime with hot chocolate ^^

tomorrow 

got bathroom to clean and Oz's cage, his cage isnt a total tip luckily

then I am gonna go over to mum's as shes dying my hair red for me, so I am having a shower and stuff there. Then I have the whole afternoon FREE!! Yes you heard me correctly, FREE

Jack is going cinema with Theo and I have nothing else to do but art

so I might be able to do some art

only done 30mins art all holiday TT^TT

get tomorrow off from socialising!

 Evening 

I slept bit better last night, didnt have to get up and stay up til midnight drugged up

It took me a while to actually get to sleep then I got up at 1am for a wee but slept from there, didnt have particularly nice dreams tho

This morning, I felt shattered, really did. like this week has caught up with me or something. I have been doing a lot lately and socialising almost everyday. Jack says I have been doing a lot and not allowing myself rest. I find rest so difficult....

I also felt quite low for whatever reason

So I decided to do some exercise in the hopes that it would get those endorphins aflowin'

I did a 47min exercise video that supposedly burns 600 calories but I cant see that myself

Then I had a bath, I was gonna shower but my muscles ached so had a hot bath which wore me out more! Mum turned up wanting her brew X3 so that was nice to see her for an hour

Then we had lunch, I flopped on the bed but didnt sleep. Then I went outside to plant more grass seeds. Then I had a brew and fruit loaf, laid on my bed and we went to Harveys

I took my leftovers and the boys had 5 guys. We ordered dessert and I finally got the ice cream I have been wanting, I really enjoyed it but got a bit of tummy ache from it. Worth it. Was well nice. What with doing the exercise video today I dont feel too guilty and filled with food thoughts ^^

we got back at 9pm and we are just with Ozwald now my sweet chunks. He helps with all the gardening and is loving the garden :)

tomorrow

no plans, not seeing anyone. perfect

Hope I sleep a bit better again~

finally saw Karen!

 Evening

Hey once again I was up til gone midnight and waking up for a wee and woke up at 7am! Yes I hate my life TT^TT I just want sleep

I felt like death when i woke up, I left Jack to sleep til 8am

he helped me get a stew on

I got ready to see Mia

We went for an hours dog walk which is never too strenuous as dogs constantly stop to sniff and pee. But I came in sweating, dripping in sweat. I stripped off at the front door dabbing myself with kitchen towel. I was dripping and felt grim so I did in fact go for a shower. I felt amazing after my shower *0*

Then had a cup of tea with Jack and Oz, went on my laptop to do admin and then had lunch with Jack, had a half hour lay down then mum picked me up so we could go meet Karen

I havent seen karen in a whole year! We met at a garden centre cafe. She looked so well! She is doing so well, I always impressed by her bravery and positivity. How she stays so strong. It was lovely to see her and she treated us to tea and scone. My goodness the scone was amazing the best I have ever eaten. It was huge as well but just so perfect. We were only together for 2 hours but it was enough for me to sit there. I said to her next time we meet up she will have to come over and see my house ^^

We talked about all sorts and she wanted to know how my health was and I told her how difficult this year has been for me but how supportive Jack is and stuff. yeah it was a good catch up~

we left at 4pm and mummy dropped me off. She is popping over tomorrow after she finishes cleaning Maureen's house 7 doors down :)

I came in and had a cup of tea with my boys. Oz hasnt played out much today as its windy and he doesnt like it windy 

then I sat for a bit, did dinner, had a quick phone call with my brother

and now its exactly 7pm and I might, just might, be able to do some art??? can i? is it allowed??

Tomorrow

no plans ^^ thank bloody god

So art maybe, see mummy, got my ADHD form to fill in, yeah just see how the day takes me I guess

here is a photo from yesterday, the side of the old Abbey had been decorated with skeletons I loved it

My first date with Lizzi

 Evening

Once again i couldnt sleep and was up with Jack til 12:30

becoming a regular feature this >.> Im so sad with it, fed up, and tired

I woke up at 8:45am so I had a bit of a rush to get out the house, Jack helped me get my lunch together

it was only as I sat in the car at 9:45 did I think "never went to see Oz this morning"

I went to meet up with Lizzi, we were meeting up at an old Abbey

I could not believe how damn busy it was but they had got halloween things going off so there was just woman and children everywhere. No men XD men were replaced by push chairs I think. Kids were dressed up in costumes. Very busy

but we had a nice walk round, it was cold and the sun never came out sadly

after walking for an hour we got lunch from the car and found a quiet area with a bench which was nice as no one was around to bother us.

We talked about lots of different things. I am amazed how comfortable I feel round her and how easy she is to talk to. I would certainly go out with her again.

She said at 1:30 "We can call it here if you like Jo"

I said "yeah thats fine with me"

she said "yeah its gotten quite cold and your lips have turned blue".....seriously......on my first date with her I couldnt hide my corpse like nature!!! I got to my car and yes they were blue on the inner bit and purple on the outer bit. Jesus

I was frozen. Like frozen to my core. It was 9c with a wind. I only had a thin jumper on an a thin jacket. I really need to get a warmer jacket and FAST

On my way home I called in White Post Farm - where I got Oz from

I went into the pet shop, they had baby bunnies with blue eyes! its cute but also slightly weird looking

I looked at what I could spoil my bunny with. I brought him ANOTHER tube. But its shorter and padded, it has the same carrot pattern on it which is cute. I also brought him some flavoured popcorn as its the only treats I am giving him on his diet.

I came home and Jack made me a tea, I overdosed on pain killers after necking my tea and went to bed wrapped in my dressing gown. I needed to warm up

I woke up 90mins later and felt better. I didnt even talk to Jack or see Oz when I came in, it was simply drugs and bed.

So I got up and sat with Jack and Oz and showed Oz his new tube which he loved and didnt hesitate to go through <3 he was also VERY affectionate. Like he had really missed me. So that was lovely. All day he has been loving

I gave my mum a call

then made biscuits

then did dinner

after dinner laid on my bed, tired

had a bath and got Oz in again

so yeah a good day

another day of doing nothing for myself or art work.....

then I get txt off mia asking if I want to go for a dog walk tomorrow morning TT^TT I know I should really, so I said yes. Thinking 'thats my morning gone' then in the afternoon I am seeing mum and Karen as we havent seen her in a year. So thats my afternoon gone as well

another day without doing stuff for myself or art

but its fine I guess -______- 

i know really its best to see people and things but I am just sad as its almost time to go back to school and I havent done anything I said I would do. I ether have had people to see (people insist on seeing me when I am not at school XD) or I am simply shattered as I havent slept properly in weeks.

ughhhh

I just want to be in a coma for several days, wake up, do my art and eat sweet things. Then go back into my coma for rest and escape from pain and food thoughts

anyway

so tomorrow

walk with mia then seeing mum and Karen in the afternoon

I have my Thai curry to put on before I see Mia

hopefully I will wake up in time ><

will I sleep tonight I wonder? or maybe my body wants to see midnight again

calorie awareness

 Evening

Why can't I sleep TT^TT like seriously...what has gone wrong with my sleeping!?

I get to bed - shattered - lay there and lay there, then the aches kick in as I have laid there for too long and suddenly it feels like I am laying on concrete and so have to get up and then take pain killers, wait for them to work. Go back to bed and try again.

So Jack got up with me til 12:30 last night which is when we went back to bed again. Bless him he doesnt need to get up with me but he says he wants to be there for me. I woke up at 2am for a wee and again at 5am.....why is life so cruel T^T I got up at 8am. Oz was so happy to see me this morning he ran a circle in his cage it was so cute and he hasnt done something so energetic in ages XD

I got up and ready to go, left the house at 9:25am as I wanted to check TK MAXX for a warmer jacket. But they had nothing!!!! Things were ether too expensive or just straight up coat. I dont need another coat I just need a warm jacket!!! I did manage to buy my brother a christmas present tho. Mia met me at 10am in TK and she brought stuff for her dogs.

We went to pets at home from there, she brought the dogs more treats, we went to B&Q as she wanted wall paint. Then we went for a drink. I told her I was paying for everything as we havent been out together to celebrate her engagement. So I got us both a drink, her a sandwich and a cake. I went for a biscuit. My god there was loads of cakes but what I didnt realise in costa is that everything has the calories printed on it. I didnt know I was having that much of an issue with food once again that I care what calories are in things. I couldnt bring myself to eat a 400 cal cake. To be honest at this point I didnt want any cake or biscuit as all I could think about was the calories. But i didnt want to not 'take part' in eating with her so I brought a 230 cal biscuit. Which I didnt even enjoy as all I could think about was the calories I was eating and what I needed to do to burn them off.

at 12:30 I called it as I wanted to get home and have lunch and drugs. I was tired. Been out the house 3 hours and was done -______-

so I came home, ate and laid on the bed but of course I couldnt escape my pain in sleep as I no longer need sleep apparently!

I got up and sent mum a txt that she can come over for a chat and tea

we had tilly to discuss. Mum had taken tilly to the vets AGAIN this is the 4th time she has been in her 2 year life. Once again she is on antibiotics. She is squealing when peeing. AGAIN. The vet recommended that tilly has an ultra sound and an X-ray. She would need to be put to sleep and be at the vets for the majority of the day. This will of course give great stress to tilly. And to truffs who will be waiting at home alone.

I said to mum "even if you have this done, and she has got like bladder stones. We wont put her a through an operation. Or she might have cancer and if so she cant be operated on anyway. I wouldnt put her through it. I would cure her this time and might have to put her down next time"

"its a shame as shes lovely and healthy. But I cant have her cut up and then have to nurse her by myself. its too much, too stressful. But its hard to put a young pig down. I have to think they have had the best possible life tho. I have spoiled her rotten"

I feel we do this, we lose 2 pigs a year, not every year obviously but we do tend to lose them in pairs. So sad as Tilly is lovely and just lives to eat. Her world is food. Shes a simple soul.

we shall see I guess

I made meatballs for dinner in a BBQ sauce and put that on cobs for jack and melted cheese on too he said it was 'fucking amazing' yes he was happy and full XD i had my meatballs with sweet potato. It made enough for leftovers

then after dinner I did my science homework didnt need too much help with it ether. I just need to have more confidence in myself

Now I am gonna have a bath then see Oz

tomorrow

I am going out in the morning to meet with with Lizzi the art technician from school

first time seeing one another outside of school!

I am driving 40mins away to an abbey to walk round the lake there and have a picnic, so I am setting off just before 10am. Should be a nice day. Just tiring! I hope I can get some sleep ><

No watching explosive samurai before bed

 Evening

We started watching Sengoku Barara last night and I was laughing so much at all the over the top action and explosions, Jack found my reactions more funny to watch than the anime. He said as soon as it finished "yup we wont be watching that again before bed"

"what? why!?"

"look how excited youve gotten before bed. youre suppose to wind down and relax before bed but its got you all hyped up. We will watch this one at dinner time instead"

he did have a point, I felt quite awake ^^; I am immature 

I had another bad night, couldnt sleep and Jack got up with me til 12:30

I felt shattered, drained and in pain

Even then I kept waking up, I was on top of my bed sheets with a blanket but kept getting cold

I was tired this morning when I woke up at 7am but got up as I wanted pain killers

It was a long morning before we had to go shopping

shopping was fine but they had no fruit loaf TT^TT jo's daily treat....nothing.....:'(

we got back and unpacked, had a cup of tea and sat with Oz who was very happy and comfy

he was laying on his side licking his front paws being all cute

we left him whilst we did the soup as we couldnt bare to move him

After lunch I went to bed and slept for a good hour thank god as I was shattered.

I got up and asked Jack if we could go for a walk together so we went for a walk that lasted almost an hour. But I was a bit chilly in my hoodie, I got home and realised I have hoodies and coats no thicker jacket. Its not cold enough for a coat but hoodies are starting to feel too thin so I will keep my eyes open for something I guess ><

we got back and I had a cup of tea with Jack and Oz

then I had a very warm bath, I was a bit red when I came out

did dinner and had that whilst watching Sengoku Basara and still found it funny again to watch. Afterwards went to bed

jack was like "joooo dont go to sleep, you wont sleep tonight"

I said "Im not gonna sleep tonight anyway so I may as well grab sleep when I can"

he said "thats fair I guess" he went to game with Theo

I got up after half hour, quick power nap :) and now I with Ozwald

tomorrow

seeing Mia for a brew at a costa

personally I cant stand costa but she likes it, and shes been for a cocktail with all her friends and family apart from me. I dont drink I know but I would like to do something with her to celebrate her engagement so I thought id buy her a coffee and cake and she likes costa. I dont want to look like Im not bothered about her engagement. Also it would be nice to do something other than dog walk.

I hope to get my science homework done as well.

Left home alone all afternoon :3

 Konbanwa~~

I couldnt sleep last night, Jack got up with me and I took extra pain killers, had a biscuits and slept on top of my bed in the end. But I could get to sleep as Jack was snoring but he was struggling to breathe on his side so he had to sleep on his back - which makes him snore. I dealt with it as hes gotta sleep if hes not feeling well. I eventually got off to sleep

I woke up at 8am and left Jack in bed to rest as I wasnt sure what sort of night he had had

he got up at 8:45am

I was determined to get stuff done today. So I did a half hour exercise video - sweating buckets then went for a shower then went for a hair cut

it was nice to have a good tidy. then  I came in and had a brew with Jack, he had been gardening with Oz. After our brew we gardened together for half hour then had lunch

I then did a bit of my science work whilst Jack was still here

then when he left I was in bed and got a half hour shut eye

I got up and did some science work, had a brew and fruit loaf with Oz, science work, made biscuits, did my dinner, ate dinner and whilst washing up (normally Jack washes up but I was trying to tidy before he got home) Jack came home, I finished up cleaning and laid on the bed with him whilst he told me about his afternoon.

sounded like he had a lovely time with his friends, and he didnt txt me to check up on me ether, he says he was a little worried but was determined not to check on me. Honestly what I am I gonna do!? bless him XD my mum was txting me when she would be home and such in case I needed her....people worry about me ><;

I have booted him in the shower and I am doing my diary now. I need to have Oz in still

We are starting a new anime tonight as we finished Demon Eyes Kyo last night, which was ok to watch I guess. Next we are watching Sengoku Basara, Jack asked if we should have something different to samurai as DemonEyes Kyo is samurai but I was like "no I wanna see the same characters in a different plot!" XD thats literally what we are gonna be watching XD So yes Sengoku Basara season 1&2 which I watched when it first came out like years ago so I can't remember it.

I had to write the shopping list by myself as Jack hasnt been around to do it with me so I will get him to look at it after his shower in case I missed something or he wants to change a dinner plan

also I might clean the bathroom when he comes out too then wash my face.

tomorrow is food shopping, cooking soup and meat. Anything else I wanna do, maybe my science homework.....

had my flu Jab

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, I was up til midnight ><

I got up at 8am after having a night of waking up and getting comfortable several times

as we got up tho Jack's now 18 year old sister rang him up - hungover. To announce she cant remember much of the night getting drunk at her house and passed out before 11pm. She forgot to eat before she started drinking and yeah we did say PACE YOURSELF but hey when youre 18 you know best right ;) so yes she had a good annotation into adulthood. I hope Jack's mum is ok and not too trauma-ed. Quite of bit of vomiting from the sounds of it....

I had an easy morning but was starting to feel sicky anxious about my flu jab at 10:30am so I started drawing out my science work. We left for our flu jab. Jack got called in and started to walk off, he shouted to the nurse "just going to bring Jo in" and he came to get me instead of letting me stew outside by myself ^^ I also went before him so not to get worked up further and it was actually ok just made my stomach flip. But I had time to recover whilst Jack had his. I could also ask the nurse about my asthma which is worse. She said I can double my steroid usage 

we came home and had a cup of tea and a biscuit as I needed sugar

mum turned up mid-brew and then we went to TK MAXX once I had finished my tea

we walked round I didnt need anything but got some fleece thick joggers that had been reduced to £12 so I got those that was it. Mum got more than me. I mentioned to her twice round the shop that I needed a wee but she didnt say anything and I kept coxing her to the tills but she kept looking at stuff in the end I was like "mum are you done!? cus for the third and final time - I need a wee!!" she was like "yes yes I am done I just saw a pretty bag, I didnt know you needed a wee you never said" -____- didnt think she was paying attention to me XD

she dropped me off as it started to rain and the pigs were out

me and jack had lunch as I got home at 12;45, I was knackered

after lunch I went to bed as my body was tired and achy and I just wanted to be out of pain if I am honest, but could I sleep? nope no such luck AGAIN

so I got up and txted mum and she offered to do a walk with me, I could not be arsed but I went for half hour. We came back and had tea for like 10-15mins then she went as I helped Jack outside with the membrane and planted seeds and watered, and put stuff away. Came in and got dinner ready as I thought he had gaming. I was about dead on my feet.

he came in and we had dinner but he told me he didnt think he was gaming. He didnt feel up to it!? what!? he never misses it! But this morning he woke up with a tickly cough - a covid test this morning said he was safe. He then got a swelling in his arm from the flu jab - he looks like he has muscle! hes been gardening a few hours so I think a combo of things has worn him out. So hes had a quiet evening

after my bath I prepped my science sheets from this morning, I swear I am never gonna get any of MY stuff done this holiday T^T

now we are gonna take Oz to bed and then watch the last episode of demon eyes kyo and have an early night I think. We're both tired, I hope I can sleep. I need to escape from pain TT^TT

As for me today tho, my arm is only slightly tender to touch, I can move it fine it doesnt hurt, I have felt ok just a few hot sweats in the morning but I have got off very easily ^^ best be ok tomorrow....

tomorrow

I have a hair cut at 10:30am ^^

then Jack is going out in the afternoon to have a drink with his friends and maybe food he isnt sure what is happening yet, but I told him not to worry about me and go with the flow. I am fine, I have food and plenty to do. Hey I might even get stuff done for ME tomorrow.....been off a week now and done nothing for myself.....

My tara is married!

 Evening

Well I certainly had a better night than the other night ^^; I struggled to sleep and very much missed Hammington.

I woke up at 7:40am and woke Jack up and told him we have an hour to get ready

We left the house at 8:45am for his mum's house

we gave his sister sophie her card which I made and she loved it, and her presents - kitty win glasses! She was happy with it all and we sat talking to her and Jack's step dad as they were the only two people home. We then went to go view some furniture at a dead relatives house which was fun to look round as the house was like stuck in time. Everything was from like 1950's I had fun looking round but we didnt come away with anything. The only thing we liked we literally dont have space for and other things I like - another relative has priority but if she doesnt want it she will let us know - fingers crossed!

We then dropped those house keys back off at jack's step dad, drove to the shops and picked up a few bits and then went home. We had been out the house 3 hours and it was lunch time!

I had lunch then laid on the bed but couldnt sleep my body was so tired and painful, no pain killers has helped today T^T im hurting from massage as its all muscular. But thats fine I can deal

Jack came in and said it wasnt doing me any good to lay there and dragged me out for a walk which was so much effort honestly. My body feels so heavy.

I came home and had a cup of tea then made biscuits then had fruit loaf then went to bed - i didnt want to  but knew id need energy for tonight to go have take away at harveys. I didnt want to lay down again I wanted to be at my desk and Jack was outside doing the garden so I felt guilty I wasnt doing anything

he woke me at 5:30am and I was pale and shaky and I told him I didnt feel up to seeing harvey and theo. Having to sit in uncomfortable seats and pretending to be well. So we didnt go!

I put a pizza in the oven for Jack and reheated my leftovers and we had that watching digimon, had a rather hot bath - me trying to kill the aches. 

I then ordered Mia's canvas of Todd for her birthday this year. My brother very kindly photoshoped it to the best of his abilities and it looks loads better! The website I was planning on using had an offer on for a remaining 4 hours! so I got it for £17 instead of £44 so I was happy I had a look on the website tonight! I just hope it look good when it arrives :3 But thats her present done anyway

Then we did something we said we would do during the holidays....tried the new take away down the road. Its called "munchies" and its 1-2 minute drive

so we ordered. It was far cheaper than the usual places we go

we collected it and ate it together in the living room. We had different ice creams and a cookie dough to share. It was all ok but low quality. Like yeah just low quality on texture and taste. But we were glad we tried it. It was ok for the money. Then I got Oz in, its 9pm so we gonna sit with him for a bit then watch anime then go bed

I am going to take a sleeping tablet as I would like to sleep tonight. Like actual sleep. Dont know why I am struggling with my sleep lately.

tomorrow

at 10:30am we have our flu jabs!! then I said I would go for a browse round TK MAXX with mummy then come home for my lunch then hopefully do some art!! Not done any yet!!!

On even bigger news

my friend tara she went away on a holiday shes had booked for 2 years - but hasnt gone because of covid - she finally had that holiday and came back this week....a married woman!! Yes! her and James got married abroad!! So brave! I am so thrilled for them both. I kinda knew they would do it abroad but was very surprised they did it on THIS holiday. I can not wait to see photos and hear all about it! I cant believe shes finally married tho! I was going to be brides maid but shes decided to secretly go abroad and do it XD I am so happy for her. But was very surprised. I would no way have the courage to do it with just Jack in a foreign country. I would need Mia and Mum there 0.0;

Blue Hammington TT^TT

 Evening

My god the drama I have had in the last 24 hours....and all due to my own stupidity TT^TT

so last night was like any other night, we watched anime and went to bed. I decided to have a go with the new sleeping tablets I brought from the city centre - if they were good id save em for school nights kinda thing.

I struggled to get off to sleep as I hurt a bit from the massage, my body was feeling a bit battered. Jack was on his switch next to me like he has been last 2 weeks - enjoying pokemon mystery dungeon.

I did get off to sleep

I started having a nightmare. A nightmare of my other personality having a nightmare, growling and getting frustrated. I was trying to think where we had fallen asleep. Our bed, but its not at mum's any more, we live with Jack. Jack is next us. She suddenly felt even more determined to wake up and have her wicked way with him. Of course I did not want this to happen! So asked her not to. Then the dream went a bit weird and she was running through the woods at night bare foot like an animal. 

Next thing I knew Jack was waking me up, I couldnt breathe I pushed him away, coughing and panting. He said "you were having a nightmare" yeah I know that! But at least he woke me, thank god

I caught my breath but I was a bit shaken up and quite sweaty. I looked at the time - 12:20

thats it? all that happened in like 1 hour? 

but something wasnt right, I didnt feel right. Jack asked if I was ok. 

"no stuff doesnt feel right Jack"

he put the light on and said I looked white

it freaked me out more seeing the room lit up as colours didnt look right and the room felt a different size than it usually does. Jack said to get up for a bit as he could see I wasnt right and on the verge of tears. So I got up and lost my balance straight away so Jack helped me to the living room and got me a cold drink

"maybe it was those sleeping tablets?"

"yeah youre not having those again, theyre going straight in the bin"

"were you still awake?"

"yeah I was playing pokemon, got too into it"

"kinda glad you were still up"

my psychoticness calmed down a bit, but I still didnt feel right. Too many voices and being told that something weird was gonna walk round the corner and yeah my head was just messed up. I didnt tell Jack everything that was racing through my mind as I could tell her was already concerned about my behaviour. 

He asked what I wanted to do and that was could stay up til whenever I felt I wanted to sleep

"I want to go to bed cuddling you, and watching you play pokemon" I needed something safe and mundane. So thats what we did with Jack helping me walk to bed

I did fall asleep but had  vivid horrible dreams that involved more suffering and yeah just not nice

I woke up this morning and Jack was already awake

He asked how I was

"I still feel a bit off" and I did. Not only that, I was WET. Soaked. My clothes were damp, my hair semi-wet and I could feel wet patches on my body. Pure sweat....

I had a crakin' headache and felt off, weak and stuff. But no longer felt like a psychotic mess. But I was thinking 'just what the hell is in those sleeping tablets!?'

I got up for a wee and the first step I took I fell over onto the ottoman 

Jack shot up out of bed to come to my aid

I literally couldnt take one step in front of the other without help

he helped me to the bathroom and as I sat there having a wee I thought 'this cant be sleeping tablets, I have experienced this before'

I got off the toilet and crawled to my medication, Jack found me and he said "I could have got those for you"

"no Jack what I am looking for is my antidepressant"

and lo and behold, no antidepressant waiting to be taken.....

meaning when I sort my meds out in the evening for that night and following morning, I had not grabbed my antidepressant box so I had missed my dose last night

ONE DOSE

thats it 

this suddenly made sense

why I had the other personality kicking in, psychoticness, and why I couldnt walk straight

I remembered earlier this year I couldnt walk straight for a couple of days, thought I was poorly, but actually hadnt been taking my antidepressant.

so here we are again, because I hadnt taken my medication I got myself into a state....I was so annoyed and quickly downed my morning dose.

Jack got me to the sofa and sorted my breakfast out, hes so good with me even tho I didnt deserve any of it, its self inflicted! we agreed that those sleeping tablets probably arent worth taking and when I read the instructions leaflet inside this morning it says "DO NOT TAKE WITH ANY ANXIETY MEDICATION" yeah dont think theyre for me.

I felt so gross tho and was due to put on clean clothes, but also felt wiped out

I rested on the bed for an hour, got up and had a bath and used face and body scrub and got rid of my second skin.

Jack stripped the bed, luckily we change it on a wednesday!

he shouted through the bathroom to me

"Jo, youre not gonna be happy"

"why? what?"

"Its Hammington....."

"whats wrong with my hammington!!!?" sheer panic

"shes blue".......eh...what?

basically, the pyjamas I had on are black, I have washed them once so I guess they still contain a fair amount of their dye. I got soaked in the night due to sweating from withdrawal (withdrawal is a powerful thing to behold) and my pyjamas got wet, the dye transferred on to hammington. MY HAMMINGTON!!!!

When I got out the bath I inspected the damage

and my god, shes blue.....

Hammington is beige and white. Her whole back is a navy colour now TT^TT

I had lunch then mum came round to find me bathing Hammington in my bath tub

I explained and showed her and she was very surprised. I then had to go into the story of how my pyjamas got to wet that the dye transferred. 

So I tried using Vanish stuff on Hammington and whilst she does look cleaner and brighter (she was well overdue a wash) she is sadly still blue T^T

I have to accept her new look.

So my stupidity caused Jack stress and had to look after me and I have damaged a plush

I did pick up, especially after my second dose of antidepressant at lunch time

I spent my after noon with mum we did a walk and talked and had tea. She misses me

when she left at 4:30pm me and Jack did some more work on my maths for my biology and it is sinking in better this time

then we had dinner, I had my second bath of the day >.> and now doing diary. Quite tired actually

Jack is playing with theo til 10pm

Shows how much I need those tablets tho, like my god they keep me sane. How scary my mind is without medication....

but also I FEAR the day I have to come off those tablets. You literally cant walk. Lifting one leg then the supporting leg loses balances straight away. Its horrendous 

anyway not thinking about all that!

Sadly I dont have Hammington to cuddle tonight :'( she is soaking wet upstairs drying, as I will not put her in a washing machine or a tumble drier. No way. So shes got to air dry which is gonna take several days. shes a chonky hamster. I have my 3 bunny plush I used to cuddle at mums in the mean time. Poor Hammington. I hope she forgives me....

tomorrow~

we are popping over to Jack's family house as it's Sophie's 18th

then coming home for lunch and a rest then going over to Harvey's in the evening for takeaway :)

Got an ADHD form to fill in

 Evening

I had a rough night >< couldnt sleep, woke up a lot and was awake from 6am but tried to sleep as I didnt wanna get up THAT early >.>

We got up for my doctors appointment which I was feeling quite anxious about so I asked Jack if he would come in the room with me for moral support

the doctor printed out an ADHD form for me to fill in and give back to her. Its quite a long daunting form....Jack says he will help me ^^

I asked her about the ridges in my nails that have been growing from July and the fact that my hair is just constantly falling out. She looked at my last blood test (which earlier this year) and said my levels look normal and to try some vitamin C tablets and zinc.

I asked her about my June referral for mental help, turns out the mental health team had written back to my doctors but not told me. Basically I do not meet their criteria for help so I am by myself on that one. If I want help I have numbers to call (been there done that) and the doctor gave me the number for a private person to pay for mental help. But it all honesty I am relieved I have not got to go for MORE talking therapy. I have had loads. I dont want anymore. Besides I am over the worst of it, I got myself through it.

We left doctors and went towards the city centre, we caught the bus which was full of chavy woman with god awful bratty children who were so feral without boundaries. Any questions they asked their mums they just told "oh I dont know!" and continued on with their phone. Classy parenting there. Sickens me people like that are allowed children. So sad you get lovely people who cant conceive and would give a child a loving home, yet these chavy breeders have no trouble populating the earth. Jesus

we got off the bus and went into a poundshop for Jack's sweet and there was someone there arguing with 2 managers and staff that he wasnt opening packets and taking stuff.

I was so stressed already. My body was shaking

people everywhere, noise, lights. God it was so overwhelming. Jack took us into a cafe for a cup of tea and a chill out but it was so hot in there that we didnt stay long and continued shopping. But whats there to shop round? nothing left! I kid you not Nottingham city centre is just one big food court. Thats all there is! Loads of clothes shops have gone and today I realised bear factory and disney shop have gone as well now! I liked looking at their plush :( theres nothing left to go into the city for. I hate the experience of it all and it makes me so grateful for online shopping

we got plenty of bits and pieces so it was worth going. I got to see lots of halloween decorations. I brought yet another pumpkin mug! I have 3 different ones now ^^

we got on the bus home and Jack drove us home as I was struggling to walk by this point like the little old lady I am! 

We got home and had Oz inside whilst we had lunch then I went to bed

Jack woke me at 3pm for a brew and the doughnuts we brought today which are complete mammoths. I finished mine, i do feel guilty for eating it course I do but I havent had any of my usual treats today as I knew I was gonna have the doughnut and didnt want to be plagued with loads of food thoughts.

I went for my massage and it was bliss. Honestly worth every penny its the closest I get to being pain free. I would have it every week if I could afford it! I paid £5 for her charity raffle - i never win these things but wanted to support her. She then gave me some samples of skin care!! what a treat and its VERY expensive this brand. I wont be buying any of it. I saw on her display that a 150ml cleanser thing was £80......eye watering. So these samples are probably worth £20 so I was happy with that

I came home and felt very oily so went for a bath

then we did dinner which was nice and healthy

then I have been laying down as I cant believe how wiped out I am

massage and walking has killed me off.

good productive day tho, I will pay for it tomorrow no doubt

I have tonight ordered some vitamin C and other things to try. spent £30 on tablets tonight! £45 on massage, my body is expensive to maintain! ><;

tomorrow

I have wrote the day off, I am doing NOTHING

I said I would see mum at some point :)

glad I aint doing weddings and babies

 Evening

it took me a while to sleep last night, almost midnight

I woke up at 7:10am >.> ugh

I got ready and went for a walk with Mia at 9am

havent seen her in agessssss so it was good to see her

she had a lot to talk about in regards to marriage/wedding/babies

all stuff I am really glad I am not taking part in!!!

sweet jesus I think I would end up in a unit if I was tackling all that

I mean one day I would like to get married maybe, but I am in no hurry! Its no disrespect to Jack, its just I am not ready or mentally well enough to take all that on. Sorting a wedding out is so stressful!

I told Jack a while a go that I could be engaged but I cant marry him right now

well not marry AND be well. Its one or the other in my current state! But me and Jack love each other very much, I dont feel the need for a ring to say that. I am happy and comfortable.

Mia is ready for the next stage of her life and relationship and I think shes doing so well with it all ^^ shes thinking of getting married in september!

I came home and was thawed out with a tea, even tho I got warm walking my skin was frozen

we sat round and then had lunch then I rested on the bed with Jack next to me on his switch

then we went into the garden, Jack dug the land some more and I painted the 1st coat on two tires, but we got rained off. 

I went to see mum as 3pm for a hour, had a brew and clipped the girls claws, truffs gave me licks ^^

I came home and had fruit loaf and another brew 

we sat doing something maths, as I had a maths thing in my last biology lesson 

did.not.understand.a.word

so I asked Jack to explain it. It was a mammoth thing. I still havent got the hang of it 40mins later T^T so we are gonna work on it and hes so patient!!!

did dinner, and had Oz in with dinner

then had a bath

now were gonna have match of triominoes with Oz inside - we havent played a board game for months. Then watch anime and go bed

tomorrow

busy day ><

got doctors at 9:10am about a few things 

straight from there we're going into the city centre for a shop and treats

then at 4pm I have a massage. I am gonna be dead!!!

Morning of pumpkins!

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night. Like was not tired.....I couldnt sleep during the day ether but at night when I am usually shattered, I just couldnt sleep like I could still function. I got up and took pain killers to knock me out and stayed up til 1am. 

I woke up at 8:50am >< we normally leave the house for 9:25am for shopping! So we had a bit of a mad dash morning + having Oz inside due to rain

we got to the shops and on the way in they had ghost pumpkins!! I have never found them before, or if I have been lucky to come across them, they are usually expensive due to them being white or 'ghost' but only £2 so I said to Jack, "Im having it!!" walking 10metres in the shop they sold mini pumpkins that fit in your palm - so cute and small! for 50pm so I got one of those too. As we went round the shop we passed the seasonal isle - halloween currently. And something caught my eye.....a big pumpkin

"Jack I am just checking something out"

it was this massive pumpkin, like how big can I say?

*get out measuring tape for my diary's sake*

its 178cm diameter and 50cm height...mother of god....its a beast

it also lights up. I said to Jack "I would LOVE this for the garden, as an ornament"

I have been keeping my eyes out for garden ornaments but theyre soooo expensive as theyre usually metal or stone you know. But this is plastic. and was £15

he said "you can have it"

"but its like £15"

and thats cheap for a garden ornament, however this isnt a garden ornament

as it has a LED inside, it lights up! 

so we said, we would buy it, have it indoors until halloween - display it in the window for halloween, then take out the electrics and have it outside in the garden.

It took up half the trolley XD I was so happy honestly. My love of pumpkins is deep. and seeing AND having one this big made me very happy

we got home and unpacked, had a brew and such, did the soup and cooked my meat for the week

Jack has asked me to have a smaller meat portion in the morning but have a piece of fruit loaf along side it so I am having some carbs in the morning to help me keep going. I start this tomorrow

After lunch I had a bit of a rest in bed but couldnt really sleep

we went for a walk as we had an announcement txt that Jack's family was coming over at 4pm

the walk was small but I found it difficult my body was shaking and weak. Whats up with me!? its very frustrating. Think it is just exhausted from school. I got back and had a bath. As the hair pack I put in my hair last night hadnt really rinsed out properly so my hair looked awful and I was pale. I was hoping after a bath id look better!

Jack had a bath then later his mum, step dad and oldest sister came. Leaving his youngest sister home she was in a mood apparently XD but it was nice and they brought home made cup cakes for his sisters birthday on thursday they were so well decorated! they stayed from 4 - 6

when they left I did dinner, we had Oz in during dinner which was nice

I have since had him out again and put him to bed, Jack is gaming with Harvey and Theo again, he does ask each time if he can and I think he may as well really. We are still gonna have hot chocolate and anime after wards.

I did some drawing any way as I said I would do his oldest sister an 18th birthday card.

tomorrow 

9am Mia is coming over to do a dog walk with me

got nothing else planned apart from that. I hope I sleep tonight so I have energy

nice not having to get up early

 Evening

ahhhh it was so nice to sleep and wake up at 8 and not be in a work for 8

we were in bed for 9:20pm tho, on a friday night XD I was so done!!!

So this morning

I made biscuits, cleaned Oz out whilst being supervised by him, cleaned the bathroom then went over to mum's for 11am. Gave truffs a hair cut. Had a cup of tea with mummy and came home for lunc

I didnt need to sleep after my lunch but thought Id go to bed to give my body rest (as I am not good at rest) but I couldnt sleep ^^; so I went for a good walk with jack, but my body was shaking again afterwards. I think its just my body being exhausted. Jack says I need to start eating more carbs as i still arent really eating them apart from fruit loaf, oat biscuits I make, and sweet potato = my carbs

maybe he is right so we spoke about what could be eating more

I rested with a cup of tea and fruit loaf but my body was still annoyingly shaky. So I laid on my bed where my heart decided to have palpitations, Jack was outside with oz for almost 2 hours. I just laid quietly then I watched a youtube video then started dinner which was nice

I had a good soak in the bath and a bit of a pamper but not my full on sunday night pamper

Jack is gaming with Harvey and theo til 10pm so I have 30mins more by myself

I am with Oz

then we will watch anime with hot chocolate and go to bed!

tomorrow

just food shop and make soup, mum and dad are dropping off the spare guinea cage now the pigs are in the shed. So I will have a guinea + rabbit cage. And so will mum. Therefor if ether of us goes away for a weekend or whatever, we can have each other's pet over to stay <3 

and thats it, I should rest more and maybe do some art or science work I guess 

what a night but its holidays now!!!

 Evening

What happened last night? like just what happened TT^TT

I was in bed for 9:10pm after having an evening alone, I wouldnt need to get up til 7am so I felt happy knowing I would be getting a good nights sleep for once.

However, this was NOT the case T^T I woke up at 3am and that was that then

I was up. In pain. Like growing pains all over, I took both pain killers but I may as well have taken sugar tablets, they did NOTHING. I didnt know what to do. I had tried going back to bed. When I got up for the 2nd time (after Jack elbowed me in the face T^T) He sat up right in bed

"whats up jo?"

"im getting up for the 2nd time, im in pain and struggling"

"i'll get up with you"

"no no its fine honestly"

he laid back down and as soon as his head hit the pillow he was gone. Like that. Gone

so envious TT^TT

so I stayed up til 5am, then tried to sleep in bed but couldnt really. I looked at the clock and it was 6:45am then next thing I knew my alarm was going off. I had fallen asleep in those final 15mins

how cruel is my life. I felt like death this morning

If it had been a normal school day I wouldnt have gone. My body was shaking. I was shattered. Physically and mentally exhausted

Jack was like "you look bad"

yup white face and lilac lips would get that said to you

"well you know I didnt sleep well"

"no i dont"

"jack you offered to get up with me, you sat up in bed"

"did I?"

yeah I had wondered if he was actually awake, turns out he wasnt! Its very odd. Im talking to someone in their sleep.

We got ready for school, I brushed my hair but didnt do anything with it, no accessory and just whacked very baggy old clothes on. I couldnt care less today

I didnt join in with anything going off with the staff and neither did Jack or Julia for a change. Usually its just me who doesnt bother going to the whole school meeting (I get too anxious)

so it was us 3 but I had my headphones on and did some jobs - somehow

then sat and painted but wasnt enjoying it, was soon running out of the will to live

it was a very slow 4 hours T^T

at 12:20pm we got to leave as we werent staying for lunch

we came home and saw Ozwald and then had lunch

I was in bed for 1:30pm I had in my mind I would go over to mum's 3:30pm

I woke up at 4pm....jesus. I never ever sleep THAT long during the day. but shows my exhaustion

I txt her at 4pm "just woke up! give me 5!"

I went over for an hour to have a brew and a cup cake she made and a sit with the girls

I am seeing her again tomorrow morning as Truffs needs a hair cut desperately 

mum warned me that truffs had got attitude today but as soon as she sat on me she curled up and got cozy I even got licks. She likes me ^^ Was my first guinea sit without molly tho. Usually I get both tilly and truffle and mum has molly. but now mum has tilly and I have truffs. I have to share tilly!

I got home and did the dinner

then after dinner I planned out a rough outline of what I want to do each day in the holiday, then did a 20min work out which was an effort and wasnt even that hard

had a lovely hot bath and now just with Oz

I have had Jack all evening as his gaming got cancelled, dont usually have him on a  friday evening but not complaining. We havent spent much time together so it will be nice to watch anime tonight.

tomorrow

recovery really. Jo needs rest -______- and seeing mum and truffs for hair cut~

thank god its the holidays. Dont think I could have lasted much longer....

Last day tomorrow of this hard first term

 Evening

Hey guess what, I slept through the night last night! However I woke up shattered!!! HOW!? thats well unfair, 8 hours of straight sleep and I am still shattered. Not a great start to my day

My day was a hard slog of time going slowly and everything taking more effort. I am just grateful it wasnt a practical heavy day. I did have my biology lesson which was a very intense, compact lesson on mitosis. Luke warned me its a lot to take in one lesson, its a lot for him to deliver in one lesson too! But god it was too much. I was so tired. No amount of caffeine or sugar has helped today

I got home and had fruit loaf and tea, I was starving. I then went on my bed and Jack came to me and offered a walk. I knew a walk would be easier on my exhausted body than a work out. But I also know that a walk would also be taxing what with the way I felt. However not doing any exercise was not an option as I am very achy tonight. 

We went for a walk I had to use the inhaler twice and stop once and towards the end my body was shaking all over. My body needed rest and food

I came in and heated up my leftovers and stuck a pizza in for Jack 

after food and a sit down I was still shaking and still am actually - its very annoying all these hours!

I think it is just sheer exhaustion. My body needs actual rest.

so I made some biscuits, ran a bath and now gonna go in the bath, then sit with Oz and be in my bed for 9pm damn it!!!

tomorrow

its an insec day and different hours. I dont need to be in til 8:30pm so thats longer in bed this morning and also we finish at 12:20pm  so its literally 4 hours, I am sure I can get it done. Its none uniform but I am gonna wear joggers and jumper that need a wash XD I dont care how I look for 4 hours. I am gonna be busy round labs and cleaning so I dont wanna be glamourous 

then I have 2 weeks holiday!!!

I am gonna come home and have lunch, go to bed then go see my mummy and sit with the girls! <3