Halloween Bulbasaur and nail art

 Konbanwa~~

So last night I was printing out the forms that the financial adviser had emailed across to us. But as I finished my diary at 8pm I heard my dad say "right shall we get these forms done"....D:

so me mum and dad sat for a whole hour doing these forms, i was printing and scanning documents and stuff and yeah between the 3 of us we did get it all done but we only got to sit down at 9:15pm I had had enough >< I chilled out by doing my halloween nail art 2020!

I went to bed at 10pm and I did sleep! and I slept til 8:30am as well....that was some sleep

I did 40 mins of yoga this morning and there was A LOT of popping, cracking, etc....

This morning I went out with mum, we went post office to get the forms securely sent

then went shops for a few bits then home then out for a walk which was quite nice

we got back and had lunch and i started drifting off to sleep as i was cold and in pain so i had literally crawled up into a ball on the sofa, mum stirred me and said "shall we dye your hair then?"

so we did that, mummy kindly dyed my hair red for me ^^ so I look like a pumpkin as well XD

Since then I procrastinated finishing off my pokemon halloween picture, but knew it needed to be finished for tomorrow! >< so I was watching make up videos and looking at earrings online

but in the end I did crack on and do my work and got both pokemon halloween pictures done

here is bulbasaur and I will upload the noibat one tomorrow

that was pretty much my day

of course the day is always broken up with sit downs with pets who are all doing well

Oz enjoys autumn as theres load of old manky leaves for him to eat -_____-

Tomorrow

I havent fully planned tomorrow out yet

I will basically please myself up to when Jack moves in XD

i know i want to do halloween make up, maybe decorate cakes mum plans on making, do my exercising

clear my bed of plush for jack to stay, we had been putting them on my bedroom floor when jack just stayed for the odd night but for continuous nights im not doing that so they will go on the book cases downstairs, i will miss them but needs must T^T

jack will arrive around 4-5pm

we will carve pumpkins together ^^ and not sure what else really,  i really havent planned it ><

but it will still be a hell of a lot better than what  i thought halloween was gonna be like!

GOT A PUMPKIN!

 Evening~~~

I managed to sleep but woke up at midnight and got back to sleep but woke up at 2am and needed to get up so I stayed up for a bit then went back to bed. Had a dream that I was in so much pain i couldnt walk and mum was taking me in a wheel chair to the doctors and i wouldnt stop screaming out in pain. the littlest feel to my body caused bruising. I screamed and screamed.

I woke up to my alarm at 7am and thought "i mustnt have been screaming in my sleep then as no one woke me up" but got out of bed and had an alright morning apart from looking and feeling like death.

I got to school and jack got there 5 mins before me

i walked in to find a pumpkin on my desk

it was beautiful I was so happy

it isnt as big as I usually get but its a lovely shape and I am grateful for having an actual pumpkin

we had a bit of catch up as we havent seen each other for 9 days

then we got on with some work, i did the experiment i needed to do and all the chemicals still worked

I decided to give the bank a ring and they said the que wait time was 2mins so i hung on the line and 40 mins later me and jack had successfully managed to open a joint bank account.

we did more work then had lunch and talked about what is gonna happen next

and basically we said that after jack's driving lesson on saturday - halloween - he will get his mum or step dad to drop him and some of stuff off at my house and he will live here until we have the house which should be 2 weeks time. then he can support me and sort any house stuff with me and not break any lock down rules and not be on public transport. he said he was glad we are doing it this week as his tram pass runs out next week and its £50 for the month, so thats saved him.

so yeah i had written halloween 2020 off but now i will have jack with me, a pumpkin oh and on the way jack picked a pumpkin up for himself so we can carve them together! :D 

im gonna do halloween nails tonight and i think on halloween its self i will wear make up and draw a spider web on my face or something and get into halloween a bit :3

We finished up work at 2pm

i came home and had a brew and tea cake as i was hungry then mum wanted to go for a walk so i dragged myself for a walk. glad i did it but couldnt be bothered i felt shattered and drained

but we talked about jack staying and stuff

i got back and sorted a few things out, like buying jack a new earring as the DNA one i brought him a few weeks ago has gone weird and green, so i brought him a hexagon design one then i designed my halloween nails then finally sorted out harder things for me - house documents - which i coped well with, ive still got stuff to fill out and send back but ive made a start with it all

i was gonna do some drawing tonight but ran out of time and really tired so gonna get my lad, sit with him then do my halloween nails

tomorrow i have no plans as of yet to be honest!

No luck with pumpkins

 Evening

I was slowly drifting off to sleep last night when at 10:30pm my body decided it needed a wee -____- man it picks it's moments and after that I struggled to get to sleep as I was aching. I got up til 12:30 and when I got back to bed i set my oil defuser for 2 hours so that softly went whilst lighting my room up different colours, it is amazing i love it ^^

I woke up at 7:30am but managed to grab another half hour ^^

So this morning mum went food shopping I did my 30mins of dance practice then had a shower

i got the shower, and yesterday I felt like playing with make up but didnt, but today I did

i put the full make up on as I havent done in such a long time - not even for work

i havent worn any make up at all, some people apply foundation or mascara or lip stick - something. Jo - zilch. I go bare faced. I just cant see the point when half your face is covered with a mask. 

but today I did it. and my god how healthy and awake i looked! it was shocking to see the reflection in the mirror actually. didnt feel like  me. im so used to seeing pale zombie

Mum said we would go pick your own pumpkin today

so she drove us about 15 or so minutes away so a farm

a farm that was shut, just the remnants of pumpkins left in the field D:

so that was a bit disappointing but I wasnt too disheartened by it all

we went for a walk round there which was very nice, totally in the woods which is what i like

I was tired and hungry - like a child - so we went home

after lunch mum offered to go try some shops

we tried 3 shops and none, not one pumpkin D: whats with the shortage of pumpkins this year!?

so strange as usually you can get hold of them right up to halloween

I wasnt too disappointed which surprised me to be honest cus i love pumpkins. 

mum said she will try a farm shop tomorrow - expensive pumpkins XD i told her not to worry i was ok but she said "i dont want you to go without a pumpkin! its 1 day in the year you like"

sweet of her :3

i texted jack to say i had no luck, he said he was gonna check two stores tomorrow on the way to work i told him it was fine that pumpkins are heavy and he would then need to get it to work. he said he was gonna be fine with all that :/ 

this afternoon i havent done an awful lot, been pretty exhausted from being on the go all day

so i worked on my drawing and spent time with the pets, Oz snoring beside me the usual

mum also asked me to look into some eye cream for her, as she buys UK skin care and I buy korean and I keep telling her  the ingredients in her products are poor. So she wanted to try a better eye cream as she worries she will end up with old saggy baggy eyes like her dad had when he was old

I found one for her and ordered it :) If its something I can do - its skin care XD

tomorrow I am going to work ugh, to do more hours

i dont want to go in if i am honest. but i have a practical to test to see if the amino acids are still alive and kicking, probably update some stuff or do some display work. and talk to jack about a few things. the main one being "wanna live with me and my family til we have the bungalow?" ><

thats it really :/

dog cushions!

 Evening

Well last night was my first night with my oil defuser and I think it did help you know, having a constant noise - sounds a bit like water babbling. and being able to smell lavender and such yeah think it helped. that and the amount of pain killers i took, i woke up at midnight and got comfy again and went back to sleep!  I didnt need to get up! and thats were i remained til 8am! did well ^^ hopefully it will repeat again tonight~

So this morning I did 45mins of yoga, needed a good stretch, didnt bother to shower as we wanted to go out to the home store - which turned out to be quite crappy if i am honest. both me and mum were not impressed. especially unimpressed at how much of the shop was taken up by christmas decorations....it was crazy. PLUS they had the nerve to play christmas music!!! my god! its october! D:

so very wrong. was was worse, the speakers or even the music we werent sure - but they were all distorted. so the whole shop was playing distorted christmas music T^T we literally could not wait to leave. we went to the shop next to it and brought them out of biscuits XD I like a stock for my locker at work ^^

We got back and had lunch and stuff and sat with pets as it was very rainy out so they couldnt play outside really.

I decided to txt jack see how he is and if he has heard anything about the house

he rang me up saying he had...

they said we could exchange money and keys on November 6th...

while this may seem like a good thing it was also incredibly stressful. The money needs to be in the bank account by 3rd. My dad came home and he and mum were talking money and where money will come from, on the phone to financial adviser and such. whilst i just laid on my bed and let the tears flow. literally could not cope with all that. 

did not know that whilst all this was going on my dad left to go back to work and my mum gave jack a call XD

she came up to see me and console what was left of me

she said they have got all in the process of being sorted and i havent got to do anything other than make a joint bank account with jack. so i felt a bit better but still very sick, overwhelmed and dizzy. she told me she spoke to jack about it all and about me. and she suggested he come live with us until we have things settled. as we cant see each other due to the lockdown its making things harder so if he comes into our household we can get things done and he can support me as i do seem to cope better with him there. but at the same time it will be very weird having him in my territory. 

we have decided to leave it to the following week which i think is the 12th? for key and money to be exchanged, so we wont be as stressed or pressured.

I just wish i could actually cope with stuff instead of always getting upset

I noticed my breathing was all over the place so i said to mum i needed air and to sort my head out. as much as it has come as a relief that we are nearing the end of the house stuff its also incredibly daunting. just the sheer amount of work we will need to do is unreal. i know it hasnt all got to be done in one week. and then theres the thought that i wont be living here anymore. i will be defending for  myself. yeah it is A LOT

after my walk i had a brew

then went to do some work for chris he has asked me to design stuff for the school but its been taking me ages and i dont know how happy i even am with it. i saved it and will look at it again tomorrow

I sat then with a face sheet on and tried to relax

tomorrow

oh my god tomorrow is my birthday and christmas wrapped into one

I CAN NOT WAIT!

im going to a pumpkin farm for 'pick our own pumpkin'

i have charged my phone up as i plan to take loads of photos of pumpkins in their natural habitat. i have never done it before and im so excited. it will be very muddy with the sheer amount of rain we have had but i do not care, i cant wait! then mum said we might go for a walk round the woods near there 

Oh I took a photo of the cushions I have made mia for her birthday

based on her 2 dogs - beige is Walter and grey is Winnie. Hopefully she will like them

the dogs are on a velvety material and the back of the cushion is teddy fabric so its soft and fluffy

new oil defuser

 Evening

I went to bed at 9pm heavily dosed up, fell asleep so damn quick could barely keep my eyes open! but woke up at midnight and had to get up as i was just attacking myself, i scratch basically

so i got up for an hour, took more pain killers, had cereal, the usual you know

this morning I woke up just before 8am so I got the girls inside, let Oz loose he couldnt wait to check the shed out, as its all changed round in there as we have put the cages in the shed so the stuff has all moved around and of course its so interesting to our rabbit friend --____--

I had the house to myself this morning!

so I blasted music out and did some dancing, i was trying to get Ima nanji right but was struggling on some parts but it was all good practice,  i was dripping with sweat. I worked for half hour

not sure what dance i would like to do next tho :/ i usually do AKB48's halloween night this time of year but i havent yet, i should maybe watch the video see if i want to do it for the season

I had a shower and then left the house at 10:30am I got everything ready for my mum tho for when she would get in at 11am, i got the tea ready to make, the heating on and i remembered to take bags and mask out with me i did really well...

got to TKMAXX and was shopping round finding bargains in the form of warm work wear, christmas presents and an oil infuser burner thing. Was walking round the shop and voice in my head said "and how will you be paying for all this?" i suddenly thought 'I dont think i took my bank card out from mum's purse the other day'...checked my purse. yup. no bank card.

it was 11am at this point so i gave her a ring and told her my dilemma

she very very kindly went home when she had finished up, got her purse and came to the shop for me! we looked round the shop and she picked up some joggers and i showed her what i had picked up and then we paid. i managed to rack up £97 worth! god! but the oil thing was £25 and the rest was pretty much warm clothing for work. As I am bit worried about getting cold when I go back to work

we got home and had lunch and brew

then watched it lash it down my god it rained

my body felt tired but to be honest i could not face going to bed again, spend half my life in that bed

so as I had received the fabric glue in the post today i decided to do Mia's cushions

and thats where I have been today, in my room sewing whilst listening to skin care videos just wasnt in the mood for jpop for some reason. Just wanted to hear someone talk, maybe im missing talking to others? who knows. such a contradiction i am~

It was nice not sleeping today tho, that doesnt mean however i will sleep tonight. but maybe just maybe with my new oil defuser puffing out the scents of lavender, i might sleep better. who knows!

Whilst i was out I did go pets at home with mum. spent £10 on Ozwald >.> £7 of which was on treats!!! cus mum hands them out like bloody sweets XD nah i like to keep him in treats. 

he had the nerve to get huffy with me last night cus i wasnt peeling the satsuma quick enough for his liking! my god man. he runs this place XD

dont think i will do any drawing tonight my eyes are too tired. i didnt expect to finish the cushions so late to be honest.  i will photograph them in the light tomorrow

tomorrow

me and mum were gonna go to a 'pick your own pumpkin' something i have never done but always dreamed of doing - going to a pumpkin farm - as i have pumpkin fetish XD but the weather looks awful and as its an outdoors thing i dont wanna get soaked, i want to enjoy it. so i think we will leave it for wednesday now. tomorrow we said we might go to a home store we havent been to in ages but as we just found we might be in a further lock down on thursday im not sure if people will be panic buying crap so we shall see. i have drawing to do if not. 

hope i sleep!

continuing with noibat and pumpkaboo

 Evening

Sleeping tablet did not do what it said on the tin....could not sleep so yeah I got up for a bit and took more pain killers woohoo -_____-

I got this morning and pushed my self to do an hour's walk, it was quite pleasant as the sun was actually out but the breeze was very cold.

I got back and was sweating XD I had a brew tho and then a much needed shower

think i fell asleep at some point as it was a sunday - my worse day of the week - made longer by 1 hour and yeah i could not face the whole day so escaped into sleep

when i woke up i trimmed truffle's fur and she looks loads better, i cant believe how good she was! she was like a statue she really was, very well behaved and trotted off happily when i finished sheering her

good job done as she was becoming untidy, its not as short as her summer coat tho as she needs to be warm now.

I did 30mins of yoga but didnt feel much better for it

then sat at my laptop where i have been all sodding afternoon, just in my room out the way as i feel the family is at each other's throats today. Today was the first time i thought "actually yeah i think i am ready to move out" and i have never had that thought before. even buying a house i havent thought about being ready to move out ive always been happy where i am but today i feel was a bit of a tipping point

i laid on my bed today and thought, "when was the last time i was happy?"

and i cant remember, i feel like ive been wadding through a dark cloud of pain and confusion for a long time now. people say "talk about it" i dont feel i want to. i havent talked to any of my friends for a while now, even today i dont really want to txt jack, i havent txted him since this mornning - and no he didnt book his driving test surprise surprise - i just want to be left to my bubble ans shut my self away from it all, from feeling. i thought about self harming today but didnt luckily. just not happy and not sure how to make things better.

i tried working on stuff for work today on my laptop but could not achieve what i wanted to so i will have another go another time. so i have done a bit more of the pumpkaboo noibat picture

trying to get it done for halloween!

i might have a run through of ima nanji before i go downstairs

im dosing on pain killers tonight i just had enough of it all

tomorrow got the house to myself thank bloody god

but i might pop out to the shop as i want to get another oil diffuser as i had one before and it did help a bit with my sleep, but the oils made the inside go weird and leak so i chucked it and never replaced it but im thinking id like another go with it. so i will go on the hunt for another one tomorrow.

giving up with squirtle

 Evening

I took sleeping tablets last night, 2 years outta date but meh i was getting desperate

they still worked!

I woke up for a wee at 1am and was all over the place! it was like being drunk!

almost took out the toilet door XD

got back to bed the next thing i knew it was 9am....and what a deep sleep i had had

mum said she came into my room at 8am to see if i was still asleep and of course i was and didnt even stir to her being in my room whereas usually she cant even get in my room without me waking - i always sleep with my door open but am such a light sleeper

so yeah I felt pretty good this morning, bit groggy from the sleeping tablets and my taste has been off all day which why i hate taking them as everything tastes rank

This morning me and mum drove to a village 10mins away if that and when for a walk round the river and things it was a bit breezy but nice to get out. we were about 50mins walking, but its mums slower pace, which i dont mind. Then got back and warmed up with a brew then I did 45mins of yoga as plenty of things needed to crack then had a shower

Jack had his driving lesson and his teacher told him he needed to book his test soon, cus its a long waiting list - thanks to the covid back log - so hes looking at end of december 

he rang me and said hes gonna book it tonight - i will be SHOCKED if he does actually book it

he takes a while to work up to these things

after lunch i decided to go to bed, not cus i was tired, but just because i couldnt bare to spend a long rainy saturday indoors by myself in pain. i needed escapism and to kill some time. good tho as i was sooooo warm. then i got up and sat with Ozwald who went to sleep XD all having a lazy saturday

I brought a few more christmas presents online as more ideas come to mind and i have very nearly done actually, which im glad about. i will leave dad's til december. 

i have finished mia, tara, my brother, jack i have the cushion to make and mum i might get her something extra.

i did try and do a bit more of squirtle but im not liking him, charmander isnt even that good so i might just leave it with bulbasaur and doa background just for him instead of a picture with all 3 as they just look naff really, well i think they do. so i havent done anymore art really

i havent really done anything today

i did do 20mins of dance learning and got the dance finished finally, it wasnt too hard, not as hard as i thought it was gonna be anyway

tonight i plan on taking another sleeping tablet as i want to and why not

tomorrow i have zero plans but i might have to go do something before i kill someone

cabin fever and just having a crap time of it all. i know life could be worse but it could also be better too