I've got Jack again tomorrow

 Evening

I just can't sleep at night. My back - 4 weeks on - is still painful and tight. I am in desperate need of a massage but I know once that massage comes round its gonna hurt like bitch ><

So we got up at 7:30am and got ready and went shopping. 

Shopping exhausted Jack, we got there and lined up for 30seconds then the doors opened. We got to a checkout as they opened, we were only in there half hour for a weekly shop. Like ninjas but it exhausted my Jack

I had so much kitchen work to do once we were home

breakfast chicken to cook

pork to marinade for tomorrow

fish to marinade for tonight

soup to make for lunches for the week 

^^; it was a lot but I got it done in an hour~ AND cleaned the bathroom which took me over the hour. But I knew if I didnt do then I wouldnt do it as I was DEAD

after lunch I laid on my bed with hammington for 2 hours, in and out of sleep. Just exhaustion

I offered to take Jack in the car, I mean I wasnt looking forward to sitting in the car as my back hurt and I had done any exercise yet. When I spoke to him tho we decided that realistically he is not well enough to go school tomorrow. If a half hour shop killed him off how is gonna last 8 hours? so he said he will go in the car tomorrow which is fair enough

I did some drawing with Oz in the living room and Jack came to play pokemon

then I did dinner, had a bath then I did an hour of yoga, I could not be arsed but jesus christ my back was just so stiff and painful I had to do something. Jack went to game with harvey and theo. And theo announced that the girl he's been 'seeing' (seeing being the polite word) since before christmas is now his girlfriend! His first ever girlfriend at 29! I am pleased for him ^^ I could tell that Jack was happy for him too. Wonder when we can meet her. Shes brazillian. Harvey has met her as shes always over. Think he's heard her a lot too....

So hes finished gaming and its 9:20pm so we will probably go and play pokemon in bed and then try sleep. Please god I need to sleep through the night. Its been weeks since I slept through T^T

tomorrow mummy said she will see me, we might pop shops but see how I am first. I am relieved my Jack has been sensible and not going back to work too early. Hes really not right yet. I expect him to go back sometime this week tho as I could tell he wanted to go back tomorrow but I was like "youre sick!" he hasnt done another test as frankly whats the point. Hes sick and not going work

Made a tooth brush holder

 Evening

I still didnt sleep great. And my BACK when I woke in the night and when I got up this morning T^T

yoga was needed

I felt a bit deathy from reflex

I got up and we had Oz in then he helped me clean his cage bless him. Best time of the week.

I then came in and did an hour of yoga, i was dead. Got dressed and ready then made some biscuits.

I had a sit then I think we had lunch as after I had finished everything it was 11:30am!

I wasnt hungry and knew nothing would satisfy me so I just grabbed sugar really I just wanted lunch over with. I needed to do something creative. So I got out the plans I made a few weeks back

I was gonna make a toothbrush holder but it required and energy and 5 straight hours of work. These things havent been available for a long time so I havent been able to make it. But today I grabbed the bull by the horns and got on with it.

Dear god my back. 5 hours of clay working. My hands are bruised. The clay I had had for a few years and I think it had gone off a bit as it was hard to mould but also smelt of onions. I stuck with it. and yeah it functions but need to see how we get on with it.

I did dinner whilst Jack cleared up my mess and my clay was baking.

I then went for a bath to help my back but nah it hurts tooooooo much

Jack is doing better today ^^ he might game tonight but is waiting to hear from the guys

I am EXHAUSTED but I think its because I have literally been working all day. God I want my bed so damn bad.

Tomorrow is food shop

I am hoping Jack is up for it. He is still covid infected but he will mask up and keep away as much as he can. He says hes not happy about going but I said I needed him and also how many people are going round with covid on purpose or without knowing or not masking up. Told him not to worry about it. Only going in a shop 30mins and get there when it opens so its dead.

got chores to do tomorrow too T^T

better feet and enquiring about tattoos

 Evening

I couldnt sleep. i had a lot on my mind, mainly my impending covid test. So i was up til midnight dosing myself up T^T Even then i didnt sleep great. I woke up at 7:30am to find Jack already up! He said he couldnt sleep anymore it just wasnt happening.

I got straight into a covid test the moment I had said good morning to Jack. i was checking it every 5mins just waiting for that line to appear no matter how faint. But the time came and still no line....how? how is it possible? we share a living space and my body is very run down. I was relieved and let Charlotte know whats what as I would have reflex later in the day

I got up and ready and couldnt face another session of yoga so I txted my mum to see if she would go for a walk with me. So she met down the road at 9:30am for a walk.

I enjoyed my walk but I had had enough.

I sat with a cup of tea and then had my lunch really

I slept a bit after lunch I just felt exhausted. Always tired. Always knackered. Always exhausted. I am fed up of it all.

I went to reflex as Charlotte said it was fine to go if we both wear a mask that was nice ^^

I was much longer there than I planned as we were talking about tattoos as Charlotte has recently got her first tattoo and I was asking her about it and said I want one but I am scared. So after all that I felt a bit more confident about tattoos to the point that I think I will enquire about them at the same place she went. Expensive tho! She looked at my feet and after the hour said they had much improved since 2 weeks ago! I said they were no where near as painful ether. So my body might actually be trying to mend its self

I came home and did dinner straight away as I was starving. It was only 5:10pm but I dont think I have eaten that much today :/ 

after dinner I laid on my bed and Jack played with harvey and theo and hour then we got baths out the way. Probably watch anime and go bed.

I havent put Oz home despite it being past his bed time. Oz and Jack had been outside playing together whilst I was out and I think my loaf is tired as hes just been on his plush pad all evening! i havent got the heart to kick him out right now. Tired bun and its very cute. Hes all flopped out. spoilt and comfy

tomorrow I have zero plans as I will see how I feel after reflex

I hope Jack is ok tomorrow

today he is worse than yesterday but not as bad as wednesday

His covid peaked

 Evening

I had laptop troubles yesterday which I am hoping is all sorted now

Yesterday my Jack was so poorly, like his covid has peaked. He was just so sick. I cant remember the last time I have seen him THAT poorly. Like just changing the bed exhausted him he had to sit down, catch his breath and he felt done in.

He looks a bit better today tho :) so I am hoping he is on the mend. I have been making sure he keeps up with paracetamol and such. I am exhausted tho ^^; I will do a covid test tomorrow to see whats what but I feel very resigned. I feel like I will have a positive test as how can I not get covid when I am so close with him you know?

But today I went to go collect my Jack some treats and more meds. I picked up my 3rd sick note too. I called in at mums as I knew she would be home in 10mins time and she said it was a lovely surprise. I have a brew with her and came home for my lunch. I went to bed then and did pretty much nothing all afternoon. Just felt drained.....Jack managed to play with harvey online as hes still got covid. Jack's mum still has covid also.

Its so dull being off. I am waiting for the day that I get a burst of energy and start to feel better again

it just still hasnt come. I am a little down about it today cus I have been so bad for weeks I really thought by now my body would be picking up. I even have eczema flaring up as well now. so thats next to no period, ridges in my nails, pale face, blue/purple lips, eczema. My body is so run down

this is why I have resigned myself to a positive test cus how the hell can i fight covid in this state?

tomorrow got nothing planned as what can i possibly do? other than my morning yoga and maybe some art -______- life is dull. being poorly is not fun.

i hope my Jack improves tomorrow too

what keeps us going is our Ozwald

Jack's sick

 Evening

Jack today decided he was too poorly for school and stayed off for another day

we both went back to sleep. I woke up at 7:30am and got up and did some yoga with Oz. I woke Jack up at 9:30am for some breakfast.

I went back to bed around 10ish

we had lunch and then I went to see mummy which was nice

I left there and came home,  I had a cup of tea outside in the sun with my boys

we then both did the salads for dinner and prepped the korean noodles for tomorrow's slow cooker

we had dinner

then my brother popped over to do my laptop battery as the one I ordered lasted 45days.....

Jack stayed away tho

My brother left and I had a bath, whilst I was in the bath Jack did a covid test. He did one on sunday and was fine. He didnt do one yesterday but todays has come back positive

I felt sick

I cried

selfishly I worried about myself

as it means Jack is off work now til next week

I return on thursday

I can not go back without him

so I cried. He comforted me

I did a covid test and im negative. But I think its only a matter of days before I get it

I share a house, a bedroom, a sofa with him. I havent kissed him in weeks, I have kept cutlery separate, and tried to keep my distance but yeah I have resigned myself to this

I dont want covid

I dont want to go school by myself so asked jack if I can work from home when I return he said it should be fine

i feel sick

i will tell my mum tomorrow. I am dying to tell her right this minute but I know she would be worried sick and not sleep. My brother would have a mental breakdown worrying if he had caught it from jack. So I will speak to her tomorrow on the phone and tell her whats what  

I'm still picking myself up but I am alive

 It's been a while ^^;

I have just been sick

mentally and physically

and trust me when I say - the last thing I needed was to sit writing about how crap life was and how crap I was feeling.

I am still recovering but I am alive and getting there

I am coming to terms with working part time and accepting more help

So my last week or so has been spent at home - surprise surprise!

Cus I literally couldnt do much else!

My mum took me out to the odd shop like literally 1 shop for half hour and then I was DONE I was in bed. I did want to get out but I told her in the end 'I cant do this its exhausting. Im off sick not off on holiday" so shes left me alone this week as I need to get better. she took me out I think a total of 3 times over these last 3 weeks. Apart from that I have been home really.

Jack has been working hard I do feel for him

today he is off sick too! He has a dry tickly cough, headache and off stomach. I think its a bug, hes done covid tests and so far so good. I did 1 just to see.  But we are all clear

On saturday we both had something planned

I was seeing Mia and the rest of her bridesmaids and Jack was going over to chris's house to sleep over for a nerds night and there was like 8 of them

but I was just far too poorly. I was unable to go. Jack was unsure whether to leave me of not but I told him to go. I wanted him to unwind and enjoy himself as hes been working so hard.

So I stayed home, did some yoga, fussed Oz, had a hot bath and a pamper. I was in bed for 8:45pm and fell asleep at 9:15 and actually slept really well

much to my surprise Jack was home like 9am! Chris brought him home for me. Hungover of course but it was nice that I had got to see him some of the weekend

I ended up catching up with Mia today actually. She gave me flowers as she had brought all her bridesmaids flowers. All 4 of us. 2 friends 1 cousin 1 sister. 

we caught up and stuff and I saw her wedding dress which was lovely on her. Very mia. 

she showed me online the bridesmaid dress we are all wearing and its fantastic and I am very relived even more so as  she says we can pick our shoes!

I told her about my life lately and working part time

oh speaking of which

Lizi - the art technician at work has decided to put in her form to become a  trainee teacher

but you cant be both technician AND trainee teacher so her job it up for grabs. I will go talk to her and the art teacher when I go back on thursday and say basically "I want your job" but I didnt want to txt her that XD I dont particularly want the job but i know its the right thing to do right now in my life so I am gonna do it. If I got the job id be working monday - friday 8am - 2pm 

its mega part time XD i get the school holidays too!!

Not a lot else has happened

going back to school on thursday. I will hopefully be doing half days for a week. 

I had a period the first one since christmas. I think dogs have bigger periods than that. I am not sure if its because my body is so sick right now but yeah it wasnt worth having XD but good to have a clear out I guess.

I did some drawing and made jack a poster for his study, I did him a phone case and I have started a painting. I have ordered a load of new earrings as I want to change everything up thats in my ears basically. I have 9 piercing and I am changing 8 of them!

I will try to keep up with my diary now

I feel a bit more able to keep up with it now

I leave you a photo of my loaf

I'm signed off sick again

 Evening

A lot happened.

I hit a wall

I cried out my life to Jack and mum

we have decided I need to accept I have disability that impacts my life. I need to put myself and my health first. I need to look after myself

I need to go part time

I will no longer be working full time

I can't bare to give this up but I also can't keep wrecking myself

I have spoke to the doctor and hes wrote me a sick note

Jack spent hours applying for a government job at the weekend which pays much better than his current job. He had to take online exams and everything! we hope he will at least get an interview after all that damn effort!

I saw my family whilst he was finishing his tests as its my brother's birthday so he opened his stuff and he really liked them. I went to the opticians for the first time in 5 years - convinced Id be walking out with glasses but I was my eyesight is totally fine. So it is sheer tiredness, thats why sometimes I cant read stuff. figures.

But yeah Jack is applying to jobs, I am signed off sick this week so I can recover. I want to be able to walk again normally. I need to recover my broken mind.

Mia came to see the house for the first time today ^^ she really liked it and said we have the best bathroom out of everyone she knows XD she stayed a couple of hours. I was shattered afterwards but it was good to see her finally. Mum had lunch with me, I went bed an hour and then looked at furniture online and also windows and doors.

I then got the dinner ready as I could do it all myself it was only salad.

Jack came home and was grateful of the food

we had a bath and yeah probably just watch anime and go bed

tomorrow 

id like to do some art as I was too tired today, I did a little bit yesterday but not much.

I am thinking of maybe repotting Mr.coconut plant but I shall see. I need to give him longer in that pot really. But his leaves are going brown and im trying not to panic. I have fed it tonight tho for the first time so maybe it might pick up. It wouldnt do it many favours to repot it again after only 2 weeks.

here is the plant Julia gave me, I repotted it and brought it a fancy pot

I will see mum for lunch again no doubt. Mum and Jack feel better if I have been checked up on during the day >.>