my dull day off sick

 Evening

So today I had the day off

I slept like a log all the way through the night waking up at 7:30am

I had a dream that someone had stolen Flump and I found the guy who stole him, he owned a market and i broke into his storage and took Flump back, made sure to show the guy I had robbed Flump back then he started chasing me, which is when I woke up XD

My god today was soooo dull

I am unsure how I even managed to pass the day!

I did 40mins of very slow yoga this morning, simply to help my achy joints

had a shower

and rested really, I was back in bed at 11:30am for 2 hours

after my lunch mum suggested I see what's what

so I took my temperature which was 35.4 so that was lower than 'normal'

my blood pressure was 105/72 so that was low too

body of a corpse XD

I wasnt concerned, I suppose it just shows I have some sort of virus

I checked in with Jack throughout the day to see how he was

he said it was busy but he was coping and he had covered for me ^^

he asked if he could call me when he got home, and i said it was allowed XD

Mum took me for a walk for 30mins, just did a slow walk on none hilly areas as i was quite done in just doing a simple walk but needed to get out for some air you know?

Then once I was home I looked at home stuff, and then started doing a bit of digital drawing

didnt get far but it is a start and gave me something productive to do

Jack rang me after he had got home

he video called me

and i dont know but he just didnt seem his usual happy self, all week i feel he has been a bit off but im putting it down to the fact he is at his mums and not in his flat maybe?

i will talk to him this weekend hopefully and see how he is

I felt hungry and couldnt wait for my dinner 

i was happy eating it but once eaten i felt really sicky and off

mum had made cake and i cant face it right now but my god i am determined to get a piece down me! i am not missing out on cake!

I got my stuff ready for school as I plan on going tomorrow!!

even if i can not get through the whole day I plan on doing the day

jack said the first period is cancelled due to something or other so no lessons to have a mad dash to get ready first thing at least. He also said there has been a 2nd confirmed case in year 11 so head of science has said on A-level get any equipment/practicals now. We are giving nothing out to the other years apart from textbooks, which is quite sad really. But hey less work for us technicians!

so tomorrow shouldnt be hectic so I plan on  giving it a go~

I dont feel too bad, just very exhausted, achy and sicky. My heart is still beating out of rhythm and i  am unsure why. I will do blood pressure and temperature again later

a day off already

 Evening

I slept really well last night I was really tired tho

but when i woke up this morning i felt poorly, like more than my usual illnesses

i ached and felt sick and weak

but i was determined to get on with the day, so I got up and began the day

and i did start to feel ok

got to school and had loads of running around to do

just a mad morning really

after an hour of running around i had a quick sit down but my heart wasnt beating properly i felt weak and shaky and a bit dizzy so i told jack

he made me a sweet cup of tea and got some biscuits out my locker and told me to sit and rest

i got up and did a bit more work but just didnt feel that good

it hurt to carry things and my legs ached from walking

i told jack, and by 10:30am i made the decision to go home as i worrying about fainting and not being able to drive home. Jack was obviously worried about me but i said i was ok

i got home a 11am and mum came home at 11:30am i had texted her to let her know i was coming home and stuff. I had told her before school i didnt feel well so she knew how i was feeling

she got me a drink and pain killers and took my temperature which was perfectly normal

i wasnt sweating or anything, despite being wrapped up in my bed

i just ache, weak, dizzy, headache and feel a bit sick

kinda like my normal symptoms but amplified 

so im not concerned its corona or anything, theres plenty of bugs going round school at the moment. I have no corona symptoms so im not gonna go get a test or alert school that i could have it as they would make me have a test and take 2 weeks off.

im hoping to be back at work on thursday

i know i wont be in tomorrow as i feel rotten tonight so i need another day to recover

basically i need a wasted day in bed which i am not happy about id rather be in work

today when i did get home i  pretty much slept for a few hours

sat downstairs and went on my laptop looking at home things really trying to design things in my head to do with the bungalow as i feel thats the most productive thing i could today

tomorrow i might sit and draw if i am able to

so yeah tomorrow i am home :/

im annoyed as i havent even been back a month yet and im already taking time off >.>

first case

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, I was in bed for 9pm after doing my nails, which im actually happy with this week~

but my heart kept beating out of rhythm which is has been doing for a good week or so now, but in bed last night it was really bad and i was only laying down! it has been doing it when ive ran around a lot and when i have just finished eating. I am not sure why my heart is doing it but i dont like it but i am sure it will soon pass

I was having very strange dreams/nightmares too about ghosts and it was really quite freaky. To say i dont watch ghost films ether

so i was quite tired this morning when i got up, I couldnt face breakfast my jaw really hurt, even just to eat dry cereal so i had a hot chocolate and a cup of tea and i quite enjoyed that for a change actually.

School was fine, wasnt too busy and i ended up doing a lot of computer work actually 

but yeah it was an alright day really

I felt jack was a bit out of sorts today

he missed his tram stop so had to get off at the next stop and walk to school - he simply wasnt paying attention. When I suggested looking at his emails to see if we had heard from the roofing people it took him til the 3rd time of me saying "we should check to see if they have messaged you" almost like he couldnt face it. He was tired from the weekend as he did do a lot over the weekend. and i dont know he just seemed a bit off like he was forcing his smile.

its a big change for him tho moving back home and losing his independence and living how he wants to, but i hope it wont be for long for him. 

i got home and sat with Mum with a brew as my Ozwald was too busy outside. He had been helping mum in the garden a lot she said today X3 and had enjoyed his time outside bless him.

I got up and went for an hours walk as it was such a lovely evening then came back and had my dinner then i was looking at housey stuff online. ordered a bunny lamp for our bedroom-to-be and also a rug of a kitty sleeping for infront of the fire in the living room

its little random things i keep finding and liking, it will make the bungalow feel like home in no time

tomorrow

school really, got nothing major on just a few easy practicals

we have our first confirmed positive case of corona virus tho

so only matter of time before more people catch it and the school closes, but we shall see~

im not worried anyway. my brother keeps saying it will be me to bring it into the house, like i would intentionally do that >.>

about it really just hope i sleep tonight! 

Jack's moved out his flat

 PonPon~

So Friday

I had school and i couldnt wait for the day to end, kinda didnt feel in the mood to work really XD

also jack was leaving at 1pm to go get his drop foot looked at which involved being electrocuted at the hospital and stabbed with needles, he did not enjoy

so I was left with Julia to man the fort

after school I dashed home and got changed then went to Nigel's 

I complained throughout the day that - I did not want to go >.>

but when I got to Nigel's I felt ok and I told him how it was and so he did cupping on me which i asked for, a massage but not too brutal then the acupuncture needles he put little packs of herbs on the top of them and lit them!!! so weird having needles in you which are on fire 0.0 the room was so smoky it made my nose run, and yes i could feel the needles warming up so that was 8 needles in my back on fire. Then he told me he could help my jaw!!! wish i told him ages about it!! i had 6 needles in my left jaw - the problem area. it is a very strange feeling, having needles in the face but when he took them out it felt like i'd had a stroke! my left side of my face felt numb almost when youve had treatment at the dentist.

i came back and showered as i smelt smoky XD and was a bit oily from the massage

then i got my stuff ready and went to jack's

we order takeaway, we had Wagamama - japanese food

I had chicken katsu curry which was meh alright, easy on the jaw but didnt really enjoy what i was eating. those two had a main, jack had a side and theo had 2 or 3 sides i cant remember

then we ordered our desserts - what i live for

we racked up £40 worth of dessert.... 0.0 thats impressive

i had smartie cookies dough with fudge pieces and white chocolate curls, with custard (mircrowaved it all when it arrived)

jack had 'VIP' milkshake (which weighed a ton) and a cake

theo had the same milkshake and 3 other cakey/waffle things - i have no idea where he puts it

so yeah a lot of sugar in the room, i loved my cookie dough and it woke me up XD jack said my pupils had dilated which i am often told when i had a load of sugar at once XD we watched some scout zombie film but i wasnt watching it i was too busy thinking about the food i had just put in my body, so i tried to sleep so i could forget about the thoughts

we played on switchs in bed and went to sleep

saturday

i woke up after having slept well then had a bath and breakfast, a nice leisurely start to my day. Then I went shopping~ jack was packing and so was theo, kinda felt id only get in the way

I picked up some underwear in the sales, a skirt for school which is grey wooly and elasticated waist for school for £13 and then a skirt for school reduced from £36 to £10! i picked bigger sizes as i feel i cant fit comfortably in my former clothes >.> hate tight confining clothes. I got some oven gloves for work too which i was well happy about

i came back and then i started falling asleep on jack's bed, it was lunch time but didnt want to interrupt his packing, i was hungry and was dreaming of doughnuts, so much so that i was drooling on the pillow XD jack woke me and there was so much drool. he said it was gross. that he thought he was gonna end up with 'a quiet, meek nerd girl' but instead ended up with 'an untrained pet' i laughed cus its true. i aint no lady. He warmed me up some soup and we had lunch together. then I took some pain killers and went to sleep on his bed whilst he worked. I was there if he needed help but i know it was stuff only he could do and sort really.

Theo's mum helped him take his stuff over to Harvey's then he unpacked there

we got a txt at 4pm asking if we wanted to go over to harvey's for dinner

i was happy to do that, me and jack walked over to harvey's whic is about a 30min walk

we got there and i was able to see how much work harvey had been able to put into his house. I found theo unpacking his stuff in his new bedroom XD

we had sausage and pork cobs which I cooked ^^

jack jokingly said "a woman's place is in the kitchen" harvey asked how i put up with Jack but i know he was only joking and had come to check on me several times to see if i was ok. harvey said i didnt need to cook. but to be honest i didnt do it for anyone else but myself! it was the warmest room in the house and it gave me something to do rather than sitting cold in an uncomfortable chair so i was  fine doing it. i didnt clear up - i wasnt gonna do that much!

theo said "can me and harvey have you as our maid"

i said "yeah if you pay me and supply the outfit"

he said "would you wear an an outfit?"

i said "yeah id love to wear a maid's uniform" ^^ 

jack said "what you have in mind Jo and what theo has in mind are two very different costumes" XD

i told jack quietly that i wanted to be gone for 9pm cus we had to walk back and stuff it gets cold and i was getting tired and ready for my meds

so at 8:30pm he kindly said we were gonna go ^^ i was glad he didnt make me stay there til 9pm

but to be honest i think jack and theo were quite tired from packing and cleaning, especially as jack had a couple of whiskeys 

we walked back together and he made me a hot chocolate and i took my meds then i played on okami in bed, i turned to see jack reading his phone but looked very sleepy. so we had an early night of 10:30pm

I didnt sleep tho

i woke up at 2:15am aching and had bad stomach ache, i felt sick as well

so i got up and jack offered to get up but i knew he had a lot on so i said it was fine he said "wake me if youre still up in 15mins time"

2 hours later i returned to bed

i had awful stomach pains and sickness, i worried i had eaten something bad. only when it passed did i return to bed

i moved jack out of his side of the bed and crawled into his side - it was warm XD

he cuddled me but i had my cheek on his chest and eventually my jaw said no more and it hurt, i crawled away from him and eventually dropped off at 5am 

got woke up at 7am by his alarm!!!! i was so mad. i was tired and didnt know he had set an alarm

i was so grouchy this morning, he found it cute but that annoyed me more

he made me tea cakes and a cup of tea and passed me my meds

and said "please dont kill me" XD must have looked rough and scary

i had my final bath this morning whilst jack packed and then once i was out i packed my stuff i kept at jack's. His step dad came and they packed up one car load. once they left i left really and i could see jack felt sad. he was happy in his flat and enjoying his independence and now off to his mum's

so i left him to wait for harvey, theo and theo's mum to turn up and help him clean the flat

i wasnt gonna make myself tired for monday when they had all that man power. 

i got home and saw Oz and pretty much went to bed i was shattered

think it was a combo of busy saturday - nigel's treatment and lack of sleep 

i got up and had lunch then did an hour of dance + yoga

showered and then went to put all my stuff away from jack's and what i brought from the shops

took me ages actually

since then i havent done much else been tired and spent time with Oz

designed my nails for the week that i will do later

i got my stuff ready for school too, got my new skirt and my new knee supports to have ago with. Oh and my jaw is doing a lot better!

i will drop jack a txt to see how he is getting on as im sure by now he has finished his cleaning and at his mum's sorting his stuff out. i just hope the bungalow comes soon so hes not on the sofa for too long

he might have the odd night here as my parents say hes welcome too but it means sharing a single bed. so if he stays it wont be til the weekend as if i cant share my bed and have a rough night i do not want to be tired for school so i need to do a 'test' night at the weekend first.

so thats it now the end of an era for jack his freedom has gone

both him and theo have enjoyed staying in the city centre and said they would have continued living there. so i feel like cus of me they have had to move on. But in a way its good cus harvey has been working from home and been getting a bit lonely and theo my god hes hated working from home so now they are together at least they have company. and jack...when we get the bungalow he will be happier im sure. 

im dreading seeing what mood he is in tomorrow morning...i will be ready with a strong coffee for him

let the next chapter start i guess~

takeaway and weekend soon!

 Evening

So yesterday I went to work and did the usual, and worked XD

it was an alright day actually, I had slept ok too apart from waking up to shift sides just to relieve my jaw against the pillow

after work I went to jack's

we didnt do a lot, i said i needed to exercise. he told me to take a night off and have a bath

so i did, and he gave my back a massage when i came out ^^

we had pizza for dinner which i kinda managed but after a while a gave in, i had had enough of chewing so i let him polish it off XD we talked with theo, we had hot chocolate and biscuits and i played on my switch for a bit but called it a night at 9:45pm.

i slept well actually, only to wake to turn sides on my jaw

this morning jack made me eat loads for breakfast damn him, i was so full

work was ok but my god it was hectic, i had 3 practicals across 2 floors first thing in the morning and hadnt been able to prep any of it yesterday due to it all needing to made first thing on the day. i felt like i had done my 10,000 steps by 9:30am! i was exhausted. 

the rest of the day was tiring as usual and i was aching bad, i had my pain killers a few hours earlier than i usually take them but i was just suffering pointlessly 

i got the day done somehow, its like a bloody achievement

it was nice having Luke back tho as he had his corona test results back within 19 hours so he only missed a day of school. 

i got back and had a brew with mum, Oz was busy chasing the pigeons outside XD

so i did 10mins of yoga and 20mins of dance and felt a bit looser then i had a shower, had dinner, sorted crap out and now i have my lunch to sort for tomorrow and meds then i can sit down with Oz then go to bed as i am done 0.0

tomorrow i have school

then i have nigel's at 4:15pm so its a quick wizz home, wizz out

i dont wanna go to nigel's but mum insisted i go, but the thought of more pain doesnt sit well right now as last time i went i hurt bad for days afterwards and felt no better. so i dont wanna go through that for nothing. i dont mind more pain if its gonna help but it did nothing last time - a rant i will put to him tomorrow! 

then i will see jack in the evening for a take away and sleep over!

making the most of being in his flat till his last day on sunday TT^TT

 Evening

I went to bed I think around 8:30pm, was shattered and had enough of listening to my dad's endless noises -____- that man is so annoying

I struggled to sleep tho my head was busy, I yawned on my pillow, just a normal action you dont think twice about doing, and SNAP my jaw cracked T^T it was already really bad but cracking it against the pillow really really hurt. I was in pain, it hurt to just lay my face on the pillow - ether side

and I can't sleep on my back or my front as it causes too many joints to ache.

In the end at 10pm I relented and got up for yet more painkillers (overdosing now) and a hot chocolate as I felt I needed to line my stomach with something

I went to bed at 10:30pm and tried to not get annoyed that I couldnt sleep as I was stressing about being tired for work the following day.

Did not sleep well as I kept waking up to move my jaw as pain was waking me up T^T

I woke up eventually at 5am and kinda napped til my alarm but ended up getting up at 5:50 as I had had enough of waking up every 10mins thinking my alarm was about to go off >.>

I was quite shattered this morning and my head couldnt think straight

i somehow made it to school on time

school was fine, we obviously didnt have julia there but luckily there wasnt any chemistry practicals going off. I didnt have any practicals ether, just handing out microscopes. so we were able to get the day done without killing ourselves off. I have got an a-level practical tomorrow tho but its a small one involving cheese and ethanol 

i even had time to paint some display work today! so yeah quite a good day really 

i struggled to even eat the sweetcorn in my soup at lunch, anything the requires biting down really hurts and sends a shooting pain from my jaw joint down my neck and up to my temple. sadly nothing can be done about my condition it has to just naturally heal by its self

what I have is called 

Temporomandibular disorder

I got home and sat with mum - Oz was too busy in the garden, and by too busy i mean digging tunnels under bushes -______- the mess and destruction that rabbit can do at times is impressive

I did some dancing as I felt like doing that rather than going for a walk, i was amazed after 30mins how sweaty i was but i felt a bit looser for doing it, a lot of joints cracked...

had a shower and dinner and packed my stuff to take over to jack's tomorrow after school

we are gonna eat pizza after school so i hope hes chosen some good flavours from the shop today, also i hope i can eat the damn things. i gave up eating all of my dinner today just cus id had enough of the pain of chewing even tho it was only pasta!

it will get better its just cus i made it worse last week and last night...

so yeah tomorrow is school then jack's

checked dungarees

 Evening

didnt go to jack's in the end

he didnt get home from his friend's house til 7:50pm to which he said "home now if you want to come over" i said "it takes me 15-12mins to drive over, I'll be in bed in an hour's time. it doesnt seem worth it" cus yeah i'd literally only have an hour with him til id want to be in bed for school in the morning so I couldnt see the point really. So i unpacked my bag, got my pyjamas on and had an hour's long sit with Ozwald on the sofa

so much for having an evening together doing what i want to do and eating treats >.>

I didnt sleep well due to sleeping on my jaw, it kept waking me up being in pain -____-

this morning I got to school to find one the taps in a lab had been left on over the weekend...?how?

so the lab was like flooded so I had the job of cleaning that up, not sure if it was my job or not but all well, can't work with a lake in a classroom. I got back to the prep room to find Jack on the phone

Julia was on the phone - she wasnt coming in

last week her eldest daughter had only been in school 2 days, saying she felt poorly and so Julia let her stay home. But Julia then said that over the weekend she didnt pick up and now has a temperature and her stomach is still off - both of which are covid symptoms in younger people. So Julia was taking her to get a test done, therefor wouldn't be and won't be in until the test results are back :/ 

I suppose she wants to be safe than sorry

this meant me and jack had to cover for her, whilst it was tempting to say "sorry chemists no chemistry practicals today" we looked and both of us had a quite day and could actually do the chemistry practicals. So thats what we did. And it was like the good old days when me and jack first met - him doing the chemistry practicals, me clearing up and washing up XD

I did help more than when I first started, but of course jack gives me the washing up to do >.>

and my god did some of those chemicals stink!!! awful awful stuff. So i couldnt leave the washing up festering in julia's prep room. It was that bad that the smell had stunk out the classroom/lab so the next class afterwards actually changed rooms! i must say the stuff did give me a headache and i well ventilated that room too.

I have got all my stuff sorted for tomorrow so I can cover for Julia once again as I know she won't be til at the earliest of thursday.  

School was tiring but I survived, think the super long rest over the weekend helped somewhat

Jack paid attention to me XD think he dared not after last night. and he wants me over wednesday night and asked what id like to eat and said he would get it all in ^^ I kinda want pizza I think I can manage that on my jaw...if i eat slowly enough i hope.  then he said him and theo are having a supreme takeaway on friday as its the last one together XD so it involves dinner and pudding, he has invited me so i said i would join in. i know i already feel guilty about eating take away and i havent eaten it yet!

I got home and had a brew with mum and Ozwald

me and mum went for a walk then i had a shower as i stunk, and then had a salad now im on here. Got to get my stuff ready for tomorrow and get ready to start it all again.

Oh and i several comments on how cute I looked today and people saying my outfit was great. it was the first time i had worn my checked dungaree shorts to work ^^ 

think i need to diet

 evening

I couldnt sleep last night but that was due to how much sleep i had had during the day

so i got up in the end as i felt hungry and sick so i had some cereal and played okami

then i was in bed for 12:45am

i slept through the night after that

this morning i still felt dead

i lazed round and sat with Ozwald then actually motivated myself to go for an hour's walk by myself at 10:30am, when I got back I showered and had some lunch then made my soup for the week.

I went on my laptop for a bit and ordered a kitchen roll holder and put a bid on a wall mirror, just stuff for the bungalow-to-be kinda thing. 

then i was left home alone so i did an hour's worth of exercise which consisted of yoga and dance and blasting my music out, it was quite nice actually. thought it might help but its just left my body throbbing in pain, so it doesnt matter what i do im just destined to be in pain...im so tired of it all and i have work tomorrow too.

during my dancing i actually recorded myself doing a dance as i wanted to see if i could do the movements properly. and whilst i was happy to see that yes i was doing things correctly, what i wasnt happy to see was the size of my arms!! T^T think i need to go on a diet, im just chunky. since returning to work i have lost 2.5kg but obviously i have a long way to go >.> think im like 64kg now but id like to be in the 50's if i can

the other day i tried on some work wear from my teaching assistant days and found they were tight on me, this was depressing. but mum said its because when  i was a teaching assistant i was still quite poorly and skinny so its no shock they dont fit as well as i have put weight on and look better for it, but i dont see it that way. i dont have a nice slim feminine body, my body is chunky and looks like its ready to rugby tackle someone -______-

my jaw is bad like it hurts to put my teeth together and eat so i have been eating foods that require little chewing -_____-

ahhhh life....i shall try not to complain too much

think jack has got back from brandon's so i will go over shortly so we actually have some time together. then it will be school tomorrow and i will start enduring the week all over again.

think it will be weird when i go over to jack's as he has been taking a lot of stuff over to his mum's today so i imagine it will look quite sparse in the flat

anyway tomorrow is a new day and maybe i will be in less pain? im gonna watch what i eat for the sake of my jaw and my weight

a whole saturday wasted recovering

 Evening

I was in bed for 8:40pm

just dead -______-

I slept really well apart from waking up at 4am for a massive wee XD but fell back to sleep til 8am, cant say I felt much better for sleeping but it was nice not having to wake to an alarm and not wake up at 6am.

This morning I sat with my Ozwald X3

went for a good walk with mum, then did 20mins of dancing but it was very half hearted. I just hadnt got the energy at all so I showered and went to bed for like 2 hours

woke up and had my lunch and checked stuff on my laptop and went to bed for a further hour

i swear i have done nothing with my day which isnt like me

its not fair i have to work then use my weekends to literally recover from bloody working >.>

some life

i did pop to tk maxx just to get out of my dads way today as hes like a bloody mentalist 

i didnt find anything worth buying, brought jack some more of this berry tea he is really right now, he brought some and took it to work with him and is well happy with it and says he needs to buy more, i will revile it to him on monday as a lil surprise. 

i was gonna do another walk but one by the river, but to be honest i felt so exhausted i couldnt face it. its very frustrating feeling this tired.

so yeah i have done bugger all really!

i came home and made myself a cob for dinner, having to eat soft foods again as i snapped my jaw yesterday again, eating an apple at work. all those weeks recovery gone out the window :/ 

so it hurts to eat on it again T^T

i did so a deep facial massage using my gua sha thing to try and ease the tension and pain in my jaw this evening, it did help a bit and gave me something to do

jack has been packing his stuff up and cleaning his flat

he asked me this morning if i would drop some stuff off at harveys today but i turned him down as i just felt too dead and yeah i couldnt face it. but i said if his mum cant help him do it tomorrow i would help him next weekend with it. 

he is going to brandon's for a bbq tomorrow and i was invited but told jack i needed to rest really, that i couldnt face entertaining 5 other people. but he text me today saying brandon would like it if i came over but its okay if i dont want to. so now i am unsure what to do. if i have another day like today then forget it. but if i feel good tomorrow then yeah i might show my face but i see. cant say im that fussed but thats probably cus i am feeling anti social XD im seeing jack in the evening ether way tho as we are going school together

tonight i might give my nails a paint, the lady bugs i painted on them really stained my skin for a couple of days XD im gonna do simple spots tonight as yeah i cant think of anything good to do on em

so tomorrow i will see how the day takes me

im dead, jack packing his stuff

 Evening

my god yesterday I was just done

I had worked myself to death I feel

so i got home and fell asleep on my bed, ate dinner and sat with Oz then went to bed at 8:45pm

couldnt stay awake anymore. I didnt do any exercise, despite eating a cookie, a cupcake, a flap jack, biscuits....high sugar day but it was someones birthday at work so it couldnt be helped XD

Today I woke up to my alarm but it made me jump i about leapt up in bed, plush fell on the floor and everything. quickest 9 hours ive ever known >.>

couldnt be bothered with school but I got the day done, no practicals todays which was nice

jack was telling me about he has to pack some more as his mum is taking some of his stuff back to her house for when he moves back home next weekend. then he talked about the bungalow, the decorating and other stuff that needs to be done. and i looked at him and the tears just flowed out. luckily we were alone in the science office. so he cuddled me and asked why i was crying

i said "im sorry, im just so tired. its hard to cope with stuff when youre tired, you know? its just a bit daunting about just how much needs to be done. im this exhausted now just working never mind trying to do a house up, work, and look after myself. i'll be dead jack"

but he consoled me as he usually does and made me a brew and yeah just picked my spirits up which i feel he has to do a lot lately -____- i tell him he could have an easier life with a healthy normal girl but he tells me each and everytime he wants me instead :)

pain clinic finally called me today. so i have got a telephone appointment for 5th october with me usual consultant. and then an actual face to face appointment with the hyper mobility specialist 14th october. so i will need to take the morning off work for that one but i need to go. jack is fine with it all and glad i am getting help - hopefully

today when i got home mummy made me brew, gave me flap jack, microwaved my hot bag and got Oz out on the sofa for me ^^

we went for a walk then i did 40mins of yoga cus you know i seem to enjoy killing myself

jack is packing his stuff up - which is making everything feel much more real to me 0.0

i dont think i am seeing him til sunday night as hes sorting his stuff out tomorrow, sunday he is having a bbq with his friends, i was invited but i feel like i dont have the energy to look happy and healthy for 5 other people. so i opted out there. but he says he will see me in the evening and we will do whatever i like and eat sweet treats. i said "you have your online gaming at 8pm tho for 2 hours" and right there and then he cancelled it. i was surprised actually as he never misses it. i said "why did you do that??" he said "i need a break besides i want to spend some time with you, think you need it as well" which was nice of him but realistically we're still only gonna be spending 2-3 hours with each other which is like 1 hour more than last weekend. but its fine as soon im sure we will be sick at the sight of each other XD

tomorrow

thank god it is the weekend, seriously -_____-

i plan to clean my Ozwald out, do a walk, do some dancing and yeah anything else i feel like doing really.

got my maggies

 Evening

I went to bed crying last night

my dad had just been awful to me all night and then shouted at Oz which was the last straw for me, I cried and put Oz to bed with a treat. It was a combo of him being, well him, me being tired and oversensitive which is why i didnt kick off. Mum could tell - somehow - that i wasnt very happy and came to see me once I had gone to bed. She said dad loves Oz and didnt mean it, but yeah. He's my bunny and I dont like people treating him like that. Very protective of him.

So when I woke this morning my eye lids and surrounding area was puffy like hell and a lilac colour, god I looked even worse than i usually do in the mornings! So i gave my face a good massage in the hopes it would reduce the swelling..didnt really do a lot to be honest!

School was alright, busy as usual, had a fire drill. my god i am sick of fire alarms going off!

i didnt do much in the last hour i was just exhausted and kept feeling dizzy it was 34c in the prep room its just too hot to think 

i left half hour early to go get maggots, maggies!

the guy was like "what colour would you like?" - as yes maggots come coloured

i said "the plain vanilla ones please"

he said "eh theyre flavoured now!?" XD he probably thought i was crazy

i boxed em up and brought them home, i got home before my usual finishing time! result!

I did 30mins of dancing, picked the slower ones so i didnt push myself. I wasnt even out of breath which surprised me. I had a shower then I had a look online for a few bits and pieces, had dinner now I am just packing my stuff to take to jack's tomorrow as im staying over at his as i usually do on a wednesday night as it breaks the week up. probably all i will do at his is have a bath! god  i need it

then i might do a few stretches i will see

so yeah tomorrow is school then jack's

korean skin care haul

 Konbanwa~~

I eventually saw Jack yesterday, he had had a really lazy weekend, but I wasnt gonna waste my day and wait around for him, I had stuff to do.

In the morning I washed my car and helped mum wash hers, so its all clean ^^ I did a 70min walk by myself, made my soup for the week, did some dancing as well then showered. Had lunch, fell asleep for a bit, sat with Oz with a brew and packed my stuff, think it was like 5pm by time i actually got to jack's XD

He told me theo was doing his cooking for the week so we wouldnt be able to dinner for some time, so we had a quick lay on his bed then he dragged me out for a walk. I didnt want to walk anymore but got the feeling he wanted to so i got up and did it

we got back and i let Jack cook the dinner, I was done. I was exhausted. I couldnt even be bothered to eat to be honest. By time we had finished eating and cleared up it was time for jack to do his gaming. I talked with theo for 10mins then played okami on jack's bed whilst he gamed next to me on his PC

at 9:30pm I was done and decided to call it a night so I crawled into the dressing gown and blanket and grabbed Hammington. That was it then I was gone til morning. Despite jack gaming next to me and the bedroom lamp on, I didnt hear him come to bed ether. Dead to the world. Then the alarm went off and yeah time for school. We had a quick cuddle then I got up

I got everything ready for the day, as jack just doesnt function in the morning XD

we headed to school

i felt sick and anxious for whatever reason

but the day went alright. I did A LOT of running around feel like i have walked miles. I had practicals going off left right and centre but they all went well ^^ it is a good achievement when they go well. I was so done in tho I have to say. Also it was like 26c today so like 34c in the prep room. I sweated to death. I went to put up on a shelf a bowl which had had ice in it, i thought it was empty but it turns out it had ice water in it. So that poured- poured not trickled- down my arm, i was unprepared i was hot and this was freezing, i squealed and yelled and jumped up and down. Jack was laughing once he knew i was ok and not cut my arm off as i was waving it around. yeah really made me jump! jack said "think the whole department heard that" -____-

I wore my new leg supports but I had enough of wearing them by 2pm so took them off and they had been rubbing me, i had a deep purple line with red stitching in my leg and when the air hit it, it stung!! just like a carpet burn burns in the air - this did. really hurt. I put ice blocks on it just to cool it down and stop it stinging. So i aint wearing those again!

got home and had a brew with Oz and mum then she went out to walk with her friends

so I did 30mins of dancing and really enjoyed it i mean i sweated to death but it was really good to do for my body actually. then i had a shower and ate my salad in peace and quiet before anyone was home! 

my new arm supports have arrived so i will give them a go tomorrow

cant be any worse than the leg supports 0.0

i rang pain clinic but theres like no one there, it says to email them so i might try that

not sure what i feel like doing tonight to be honest

tomorrow is school nothing special, not many practicals, just handing out onions really XD

Oh here's my haul from korea, finally!

god i stocked up and wanted to try new things ^^ so glad it came :D also got my new shiny hair bobble which i wore today :3

Making more masks

 Evening

my god did I sleep 0.0

went to bed and read for i think 5mins then just fell straight asleep, this was at 10pm

and slept through the night. Jo was dead

This morning I did feel like i had been in some sort of accident and that I should be waking up in a hospital bed not my own bed

but still i got motivated i cleaned Ozwald out, then went for a walk with mum then did my dancing, i was sweating and knackered. God knows why i push myself like i do

i had a shower then crawled into my bed at 11:30am

woke up at 2:30pm....jesus...i was just dead and could have slept longer to be honest

but didnt want to waste my precious weekend so i got up and got on with the day's jobs

making Julia and Jack a mask each, they wanted another one making >.>

so I got them done, think you can tell whos is whos. I always sew a little button/trinket on the top corner so you can my masks from the rest X3

I laid out on a blanket in the sun in the garden as it was really nice weather and thought i would soak my joints in the rays, it was nice, Oz watched me from afar. Normally he likes being on the blanket so i am not sure why he didnt come to see me :/ 

Then I had my dinner, listed my stuff on ebay - they are set for 30th September~

hopefully I can budge some stuff anyway, be nice to have money towards the house

did a bit of dance practice in my bedroom which i might continue for a bit longer now then go get Oz out, sit with him and go to bed. I am so knackered. I dont like to rest the whole day away tho

tomorrow id like to wash my car if i can spare the energy

think i am seeing jack at some point but he's over at harvey's tonight with everyone drinking so god knows what state he will be in tomorrow. he says he wont drink much but ive heard it all before i cant say im arsed what he does, its not me who has to recover. I refuse to see him when hes hungover cus its no fun and self inflicted and boring for me! we shall see. think i am staying over at his tho for monday morning. oh i have soup to make for the week thats another job.

so yeah stuff to do~

some how got through the first full week

 I've done it

I have made it through the week

a whole week

and I am still able to stand, walk and talk

my god it has been hard

I slept well last night, woke up at 5:40am but got up at 6am

sat with Oz and stuff before school :3

School was once again full on

I had several members staff ask me "you ok? how you coping?" and some weren't even science staff. I am wondering if i must have looked as dead as i felt

but my 2 A-level practicals were successful and I didnt need help from Jack or Julia

i was independant and the students got results, and it makes the job feel worth while when I can actually do my job and the students get success from it. It was hard effort tho.

i had arrived 15mins early for work so i left early too and good job too as i literally got to Nigel's on time, he was punishing. My god the pain on my back. He used this scraper thing and i could feel it grating against my spine. and now my first 7 vertibrate at the top of my back are purple and you can clearly see each one. my shoulder blades are reddy purple. mum offered to photograph my back but it aint pretty so i turned it down. she said "that must have been painful. how do you cope with more pain?" I said "well cus i know that pain will pass, unlike my everyday pain where it never goes away" after the treatment nigel gave me acupuncture then he took me round his house to see if i wanted any other pieces of his furniture and i did like some pieces but they are for a house not a bungalow so they are far too big for our little bungalow

i came home and showered and got pyjamas on, my brother has his girlfriend over tonight

so he seems to be in a good mood

im not seeing jack til sunday i dont think, i wrote saturday off when i booked myself in with Nigel

but also I could theo and harvey wanted to go out so i told jack to go and play out with his friends XD so hopefully i will see him if he isnt too dead from drinking saturday night

it is tara's 29th birthday today! she wont meet up with anyone right now as she fears for James' safety with the virus which fair enough so i drew her a card and brought rabbit toys on line to be delivered at her house so she can play with her new baby bunny - jasper, i tried to water colour him on a card for her.

tomorrow i plan to exercise - i hope

and i said i would make julia and jack another mask

ugh more mask making >.>

bee sting

 Evening~~

There's not much left of me if i am honest

but I am not the only one complaining, all the staff at school are exhausted

we all look haggered and knackered

i've felt dizzy more than a few times 

Yesterday was busy - as usual

after school i went over to jack's 

we had a brew and a sit down then I was gonna come shops with him as there was a few things we needed, one of which being supports for my elbow and knees. but he told me to have a bath whilst he went out. So I did. I wanted to go with him but I listening. My joints had been giving way a few times whilst carrying things and my body was exhausted and screaming in pain, i could have cried to be honest

so i soaked myself, when i got out jack got back after a few mins and he massaged my calves and lower arms which was kind of him, they were so rigid 

we didnt do much to be honest,  we made dinner which i didnt really enjoy or have much of

then we played on switchs cus there really wasnt much left of the evening

i was in bed for 10pm i was done

this morning my god i did everything for jack

considering one morning this week he has, forgot to set his alarm, no time for a coffee, only just got here on time. This morning i prepped breakfast, made the tea and coffee, got lunch ready, took his clothes off the drier and folded them, made the bed. Whilst he faffs getting ready, he takes longer than me! and i have hair to blow dry and tie up, and make up if i can be bothered! he told me how much better i make his morning and how amazing i am. im just a morning person he just really isnt. 

school was hard, honestly i almost went home

it hurts to walk. i cant lift much

im finding everything so damn difficult, but jack managed to get some elbow supports from the shops yesterday, they are not comfy to wear and im not sure how much they actually help but i wore them til 2pm when i had just had enough of wearing the damn things

I left for home and sat with Oz and the girls with a brew which was nice

then i pushed myself for a walk with mum

came home and did some yin yoga - which i am really hurting from! Yin yoga is holding yoga positions for minutes instead of seconds

had dinner and a shower as i do feel quite gross from school, so many germed up equipment 

we currently have 7 students self isolating, the number keeps increasing

no direct cases of students having corona yet tho

i have ordered online a set of elbow and knee supports from the UK and a set from china

all made from different things so i will just try to see what helps

hate spending money on my health

tomorrow is friday although today feels like it should be friday to be honest

i have no idea how i am gonna get through another day

there will be nothing left of me by the end of the day

i have 2 A-level practicals tomorrow too >.>

straight after school I am going over to Nigel's for treatment

the thought of him giving me more pain makes me sick but it will help in the long run

speaking of pain i got stung by a bee today

it was on the pavement and i picked it up, i always pick them up if i see them on the pavement or road cus bees are important and i put them on grass or flowers. but this ungrateful bee stung me!! can you believe that! i cant remember the last time i was stung. i was well impressed by the pain. my finger end went hot and swelled up but i wasnt home i was walking with mum so yeah i got on with it and carried on walking. quite enjoyed the pain in a sick and twisted way. it was a different pain for a change something different to focus on. then i had the thought

i can see why people self harm 

already corona cases rising

 Konbanwa

I can't believe it's only tuesday T^T

Last night was my first work night at home

I struggled to sleep I felt very restless and a bit anxious

I woke up at 1am for a wee and felt sick with anxiety but eventually got off to sleep once again

but woke up at 4am and kept waking up loads, a part of me didnt trust my alarm to go off for what ever reason, even tho its never failed me before. I got up at 6am, I was amazed how much of my routine came back naturally to me to say I havent done it since March. It's harder being alone tho compared to having Jack with me. its just lonely cus no one else is awake. Its made better by having breakfast with my Oz.

I got to work a few mins early and saw Jack coming in so waited for him

he said "mornings arent as good without you...I havent even had coffee! I got up later than i wanted to"

this is what happens when I am not with him, he lays in AND faffs then ends up running around. Whereas I boot him out of bed and keep bringing him back on task and motivating him when he starts faffing. Honestly what he would do with out me. I get everything ready in the morning - breakfast, drinks, the lunch, and stuff to take into work >.>

Work was so tiring i cant tell you how tiring it is

we are all saying the same thing tho, all staff are tired

and through the grape vine we found out that parents of sibling children have got corona virus - that was day 1. And schools in this county have already been closed too. Its just crazy.

so we give it til the end of the week til we have more cases

we were told today by the head teacher's PA  that

"we are following government guidelines. Children are allowed into school whilst their corona test is happening, once the result is positive they will self isolate and we will inform the health board and ask what action needs to be taken, like if a year group needs to stay off or close the school"

so jack said to her "so you want the children in who could possibly have corona to be in school. But to self isolate once they are confirmed to have the virus, by which point its too late for the rest of the school?"

she said "thats what the government are advising as anyone of us could have corona now and not know it anyway"

yeah does very much feel like we are delaying the inevitable here to be honest

i get kids have got to be in school and life has to continue but yeah its not gonna work. kids arent even wearing masks. we are advised to wear them but that doesnt actually protect us from the children and they out number us staff quite a lot. we shall see

i left a few mins early as it was hurting me to walk and i turned up early any how

i had walked a lot and stood a lot so my joint hurt

as soon as i got home i applied heat packs to my knee joints and sat with my legs on the sofa with Oz and a brew, then me and mum did a slow walk. It was so warm out, if it was cold out i dont think i would have bothered. then i did 20mins of yoga, had a shower and now i am packing my bags as i am staying over at jack's tomorrow straight after school, so that breaks the week up :)

i shall be back thursday, just hope i get some actual sleep tonight 0.0

first work night at home

 Evening

So i went over to jack's last night

he let me in and it was near enough time for him to play his online gaming with his team

so i left him with that, I talked to theo whilst he cooked his meals for the week

then I sat doing my nails, then played okami on jack's bed whilst he continued gaming

in the end I went to bed, i was awake when he came to bed as I was struggling to get off

but I did sleep, woke up once cus i was cold and it was cus i had gotten twisted in the blanket

This morning I didnt want to go to school ><

but I got up anyway, couldnt be bothered with make up to be honest so i didnt put any on!

we set off to school - late

jack is worse than a friggin' woman! he takes agessss to get ready, he just faffs so much and is so disorganised, despite the fact i get EVERYTHING ready in the morning. He literally has to wash, dress and eat that its. Honestly >.> but we got to school 5 mins early! so announced i was gonna leave 5 mins early then XD

Julia paid me for the masks, i forgot to see how much she gave me actually

Today was soooo tiring and it wasnt just me feeling it ether, literally all the staff we saying the same thing. I shed a few tears around 10:30am jus cus i was finding everything so overwhelming and exhausting, i literally i had no idea which way to turn. So jack made me a brew and told me to sit down a minute. He said I can be stubborn and need to ask for more help. I just like to be able to stand on my own two feet but also jack has been busy too so i dont wanna bog him down with stuff i should be able to do. to which he said "jo, in the nicest possible way, I am more physically able that you"

yeah thats true but doesnt make it suck any less

but the day went ok, we have to go about giving lessons out a lot differently so you have to think harder than usual. but we will get there i am sure. I just wish the sickening anxiety would sod off. just feels so all consuming sometimes

I left 5 mins early - too right i did

i saw a science teacher leaving and he said "arent you going home with jack?" 

i said "no i dont live with him....yet anyway" 

he said "enjoy the freedom whilst it lasts" XD

I got home in like record time! only took 20mins!

sat and had a brew with my lad and mum

then went for a walk with mum and helped her with dinner

had dinner and a shower then im gonna sit with Oz and sleep in my own bed!

this will be my first work night at home

i do feel anxious but i am gonna have to suck it up and get on with it

i should be able to go to work by myself no issues, i did it before i can do it again

jack said i could stay at his but i need to be able to stay at home. I will be fine

tomorrow hopefully i will get through it ok!

got survey results back, and dont wanna go school tomorrow

 Evening

Jack came over yesterday after I did everything

I did an hours walk with my mum and then 30mins of dancing

cleaned Oz out

showered

made my soup for the week

started making the 6 face masks for julia 

Jack came over we had a brew and stuff with Oz then printed off the house survey which was 51 pages long...he had also received stuff from solicitors so him and my dad spent i think almost 3 hours going over everything i went upstairs to finish off face masks

then we went over to his and made dinner and played okami and went to bed

we didnt really get any quality time togethe but we did need to go through the survey i got him to tell me the basic of it and if he was concerned for anything but both dad and jack seemed ok about it really and we have expressed our concerns in an email to solicitors 

today i had a bath and then waited an eternity for Jack to get ready so we could go buy stuff for school ugh, got some chopping boards for the house tho

then we came back to the flat and i fell asleep whilst he made his batch of soup for the week, which then he woke me up and we ate then i left him and came home to my Ozwald

did 30mins of dance 30mins of yoga and showered

i feel i have had no time to myself this weekend

but its fine, just looking after my health by exercising takes up a lot of time

i dont want to go to school tomorrow

just dont want to 

jack has asked me to stay over at his cus it will make both of us feel better i guess

so i am off now to his house

literally havent stopped this weekend!

first week done, jack completed his driving theory

 Evening

I went over to jack's last night after I put Oz to bed X3

miss my bunny when I am not home so i spend as much time as I can with him when I am home

but mum says he is fine

Last night jack hadn't eaten when i got over, he was waiting for theo to come back from the gym to then have a take away...he didnt get back til 8:30pm

i couldnt watch jack eat the meal of greasy burger, fries and milkshake it was making me feel queasy to be honest with you. so i played okami by myself on his bed then called it an early night when he got in to bed. we made sure to set the alarm 10mins early so we could have a cuddle together before we got up, which was nice. I had slept pretty well too, only getting up once for a wee and fell back to sleep

i have slept so well this week! something i was worried about once we went back to work

i didnt want to turn up to work shattered but my sleep has been good ^^

work was fine, just busy i was running out of steam

i got to help record a practical with head of physics and jack, we were doing 'convection'

we had a tray of ice & water and a tray of sand which those two heated up to 150c with bunsen burners, i was recording. we shut the windows and doors and went set fire to paper as we needed smoke. typically we chose to do this all under the smoke alarm.....

i was recording and then after we got the footage we needed the predictable happened

the fire alarm went off!!

all the science staff came out of the classes and asked "was that us?" (it usually is)

and we owned up to it, but of course its too late for that isnt it! the school - granted only year 7 and year 12 were in - had started to evacuate 

so then the evacuation process went off and i stood talking with other support staff, we were allowed back inside the school when we heard sirens...i turned to head of physics "think thats for us?" he said "yeah most probably" XD

so we went back to the classroom and begun clearing up the experiment when a fireman and a firewoman came into the room!!!! D: was not expecting that! they came in, saw the smoldering ash in the sand tray and said "was that what set the alarm off?" we confirmed this and he spoke into his walkie talkie thing and yeah the whole time the head of site (like a janitor) gave us evils XD

well passed some time didnt it!

jack was leaving at 2pm - a whole 90mins early, as he had his driving theory booked

he said he wasnt nervous but i totally knew he was

so i said "as soon as youre out the door, im in charge yeah?"

he said "i dont know about that...."

julia piped up "thats fine with me!"

i laughed and jack said "damn it julia do you know what youve done!?" X3

i didnt abuse my power like a certain senior tech and got on with it

i got home and found a txt on my phone saying he had passed!!! so he passed first time which is great news i am so pleased ^^

he asked me how the end of work went and i replied "we all went home at 2:10pm"

he said "i can believe that" XD

i have since coming home, sat with my lad and mum with a brew, done 40mins of yoga, sorted my stuff out, went for an hour's walk and had a shower had dinner. yep not stopped!

tomorrow i have 6 masks to make for julia's daughters and think i am staying over at jacks at some point so he might come over, not sure yet what is happening

but thats my first week at school done!

Almost done my first week

 Evening~

I've been to school

ended up sleeping over at Jack's on tuesday

I couldn't cope with the idea of waking up by myself and getting ready alone round the house. Just the anxiety was too great so I drove over to Jack's as I had already made myself upset with anxiety

i just feel for Oz but mum assured me that she would take care of him

I gave Jack his new mouse mat and he loved it ^^ set it on to pink LED so it matched his computer, mouse and headset he was so happy and said it works well so i was glad

as i had no idea what i was buying!

Work has been dull to be honest

still not into the swing of things

struggling to eat whilst I am at school

Yesterday I went straight over to jack's with him

he was suppose to have a driving lesson so we ate dinner before hand so he could get ready for his lesson but it got cancelled last minute which was strange so we had an evening to kill

we went for a 20mins walk round town and then i did 20mins yoga

then we pretty much played okami on his bed and went to sleep

today was another dull day really

nothing good to report 

i came home and saw my baby bunny, how I had missed him

he was dead happy to see me too ^^ so i sat and had a brew with  him and A LOT of pain killers i was on the verge of crying today, just so damn tired and in pain but cant have any other pain relief at work cus i will just want to sleep :/ so i have to suffer whilst working 

im gonna go over to jack's tonight just so i sleep and dont get anxious in the morning

I have been sleeping well at his actually ^^

anyway last day tomorrow then I have completed my first week~

First day back at school

 Evening~

So yesterday~

didnt want to get up X3 it was my last day of freedom damn it!

But it turns out Jack was awake and out for breakfast at like 9am!

so I asked him if he wanted to see me in the afternoon and he said he'd come over

That gave me time to be me X3

I did a 45min walk then 40mins of yoga

then I asked mum to put purple streaks in my hair which came out great :D i sat with Foil in my hair XD and of course thats when Jack decides to show up, he saw me and just smiled

i could see from his face he was thinking "what she up to now?"

so i went to shower that all out, then i got mum to tint my eyelashes and i did hers and her nails

Jack didnt mind watching mum's nails get done X3 

then we went for a walk, yes another walk but i was determined to tire myself out as I wanted to sleep for school the next day, so we did a good walk which was nice

then we came back and sat with Oz for an hour ^^ 

then we left for his flat, we made chicken and rice

i struggled to eat cus of anxiety but i managed food none the less

then we played Okami on his bed and had an early night of 10pm

I slept til 1am then got up for a massive wee

then i slept until the alarm of 6:45....

I got ready and stuff for school it wasnt too much of an ask actually

and i didnt struggle too much with the tea cakes

upon arriving at the school tho...ugh i felt so nervous and sick

we popped our bags off at the science office then walked to the hall

having the plan in mind of sitting together (1M apart cus we knew it would be set out so) and near back. but as soon as i saw through the open the door the hall, i started having an anxiety/panic attack

there was no two spaces together, no spaces at the back (so i could stand up if i ached)

i couldnt breathe i had tears down my face, jack turned round to me as he saw the dept head coming towards me and she said "come on Jo I will sit you in the reception office" and jack shouted back at me "will you be ok" i just nodded

she sat me with the reception staff who would be streaming the hall meeting....streaming it...that was an option was it!? i didnt need to go through that if it was gonna be streamed!!! T^T

it drained me, even tho it wasnt a full blown attack as it couldnt get to that point as the dept head took me away, it still drained me

after sitting for an hour unable to hear the stream due to everyday noises i left for the science office, were i tried to stream it on my laptop but it wasnt having it so i gave up and went to go sit with the printer technician whilst she worked, its company

then break time i saw jack he hugged me and we had a  cup of tea and a biscuit

then him and julia offered to go in the hall with me but i looked at it and could feel that panic feeling coming back on and said id stream it by myself

i know what it was, i couldnt bare to sit in pain in the middle of the room, unable to get out

i couldnt do it, the fear of aching there was too great

i went upstairs and did jobs really

then we had lunch but i couldnt eat really it was pasta and i tried but food wasnt sitting right

i took my cake home for my brother which he enjoyed

after lunch it was department meetings and Jack got to stand at the front of the science team giving a health and safety speech he had put together, makes me sick, really knows how to put me off him XD he loves the power and authority and it makes me sick haha

then it was pretty much time to go home as we got to start 40mins later and finished an hour earlier!

i came home and had a brew with mum and Oz

i told her of my day and i said "i dont know what to do, the thought of getting up by myself tomorrow makes me want to cry.. but i dont want to leave you to care for Oz"

mum said "Jo youre getting upset now, this is to help you. Oz is fine and i dont mind caring for him he's no trouble" i had started crying at this point

I went for a walk with mum then I got home and rang jack and asked if i could stay over and he said it was fine ^^ so i am going over shortly :)

i had dinner and did 20mins of yoga

tomorrow is school

dont need to be there til 8:50am result ^^

then another 3:05 leave wooooo

staying over at jacks straight after tho

so not a bad first day i guess, just me and my issues ^^;